About t3h jokes

Posted: Thu Apr 19, 2007 11:51 pm

ASTIG mga jokes nyo dito ha
_________________

thanx a lot to dark poenix

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Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 9:25 am

NOOOOOOOOOOO!~~ sig too big. again.
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Have a chance to earn gold here!
http://www.dotastrategy.com/forum/ftopic12268
Sig Rule-3 lines of text max, 475x175 size

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Posted: Tue Apr 24, 2007 10:27 am

pano namatay si Zeus??
















ewan ko....


XD



yup.. sig too big... better change it...
_________________

She's Gone.. T_T

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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 1:11 am

WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An
earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their positon.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?" "Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

W O R D S
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a
day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his
wife and asked, "What?"

CREATION
A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and
so beautiful all at the same time. " The wife responded, "Allow me to
explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me
stupid so I would be attracted to you!

THE SILENT TREATMENT
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each
other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day,
he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business
flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he
wrote on a piece of paper, "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he
knew she would find it. The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover
it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go
and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper
by the bed. The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up."

Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.
God may have created man before woman,
but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece. : )

Send this to smart women who need a laugh and to men you think can handle
it!
_________________

silence can kill...

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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 1:14 am

MAHIRAP LAHAT

Sa UP, mahirap ang Math.
Sa Ateneo, mahirap ang English.
Sa La Salle, mahirap ang parking.
Sa Assumption, mahirap ang walang pera.
Sa UST, mahirap umuwi kapag baha.
Sa St. Scholastica, mahirap sumakay sa LRT.
Sa San Beda, mahirap maging lalaki.


WHERE TO GO TO COLLEGE?

If you have a lot of brains and a little money, go to UP.
If you have some brains and some money, go to Ateneo.
If you have no brains and lots of money, go to La Salle.



X-MAS SPIRIT
A few days before Christmas, the Monsignor thought it would be a good idea
if he solicited the support of a number of schools to get together to
create a Nativity Scene in time for the Christmas Mass.

The day before Christmas, the Monsignor discovered that the Nativity Scene
was still incomplete so he made a few inquiries on why this was so.

Ateneo reported it could come up with only two and not three wise men.
La Salle reported it could not come up with even a single wise man.
Maryknoll reported that it could not come up with even a single virgin.
San Beda reported that it could only come up with three wise gays.
UP reported that they killed the three wise men.


QUESTION AND ANSWER

Q: What should an Atenean do when a La Sallite hurls a grenade at him?
A: The Atenean should pick up the grenade, pull the firing pin and hurl it
back at the La Sallite.

Q: How do La Sallites count one to ten?
A: One, two, three, another, another and another.


PASIKATAN NG GRADUATES

UP: A number of past Philippine presidents graduated from UP.

Presidents Roxas, Quirino, Laurel, Garcia and Marcos, to name just a few!

ATENEO: Hah! That's nothing, a number of Ateneo graduates became national
heroes like Jose Rizal, Gen. Gregorio del Pilar, Gen. Antonio Luna, Evelio
Javier and many others.

UP: That just goes to show you, UP graduates become presidents and lead
countries while Atenean ended up getting shot!

LA SALLE : Wala 'yan. Talo kayo sa mga gradweyt namin!

UP & ATENEO: Bakit sino ba ang mga graduates ninyo?


LA SALLE: Aba! Marami kaming sikat na gradweyts; si Gary Valenciano,
Dingdong Avanzado, Ogie Alcasid, Monsour del Rosario...


HOW TO IDENTIFY A LA SALLITE

A La Sallite walks into a store in Mega Mall and says:
"Miss, I'd like a green parrot, please."
The salesgirl looks at him and asks:
"Sir, are you a La Sallite, by any chance?"
The La Sallite replies:
"O... bakit mo naman natanong 'yan? If I ordered BLUE cheese, would you ask
me if I were from Ateneo? I don't think so. If I bought a MAROON shirt,
would you ask me if I were from UP? I think not. So why then, when I want
to buy a GREEN PARROT, do you ask me if I'm from La Salle?"
"Sir, kasi naman ..." replied the salesgirl, "this is a flower shop, eh."


A TYPICAL CONVERSATION
Two La Sallites meet on the street and carry on a typical La Sallite
conversation:
La Sallite #1: If you can tell me how many chickens I have in this bag, I
will give you both of them.
La Sallite #2: Uh, two?
La Sallite #1: Daya mo! You peeked!


BARKADA SA HUNTING
Tatlong magkaka-barkada:

a La Sallite, a UP student, and an Atenean went on a hunting trip.


The first night, the guy from UP comes back to the cabin with a big deer.
The others ask him how he did it, and he coolly replies:

"I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!

The next night, the guy from Ateneo comes back also with a big deer. "I saw
the tracks, I followed the tracks, and bang! I got the deer!" was the
Atenean's story.

Therefore, the La Sallite decides to try it himself. However, the next
night, as he drags himself back to the cabin, his two companions find him
bruised and bloody all over. "What happened?" they ask.

"Well," replies the La Sallite, "I saw the tracks, I followed the tracks,
and bang! A train hit me."


A MURDER MYSTERY
To be solved solely on the basis of pure logic )
Who committed the murder?

Suspects:
The Humble Atenean
The Bright La Sallite
The Innocent Maryknoller
The Unaffected Assumptionista
The UP Graduate

Culprit:
The UP Graduate

Logic:
There is no such thing as a Humble Atenean, a Bright La Sallite, an
Innocent Maryknoller or an Unaffected Assumptionista.


HOW DO YOU KNOW ONE WHEN YOU SEE ONE?
In a grand ballroom party, conducted by the Philippine Society of Colleges
and Universities, the Chairman of the Board got curious to know what
particular schools attended the big celebration.

Therefore, he checked out the house where it was all happening. Guess who
he found and where he found them?

UP Diliman - everybody was lined up to the attic to have a fraternity
ritual
UP Los Banos - they were in the garden mowing the lawn
UP Manila - they were into "drugs"
Ateneo - they were inside the TV room with a microphone chanting the "BLUE
EAGLE" spelling
La Salle - they were eavesdropping
San Beda - some were beside the Ateneans while others were in the bedroom
with some Paulinians
St. Paul - they thought they were with the Ateneans
La Consolacion - they wanted to be the Paulinians
Holy Spirit - they want the Paulinians
Miriam - they were beside the room of the Ateneans . .. . like always
Assumption - they were inside the bathroom three hours already since
arriving
St. Scholastica - they were next in line for the bathroom
CEU - some were doing the dishes while others were busy with the laundry
St. Louis - they were in front of the air conditioner
UE - they don't know what an air conditioner is
UST - they were everywhere
FEU - they were nowhere
MLQU - Sob! They were not invited
San Sebastian - How the hell did they get past security?!
Letran - the Security
Mapua - they were fixing the leak in the roof
TIP - they were the ones who created the leak
NU - they were outside the house selling cigarettes
JRC - they were the ones buying the cigarettes
Adamson - they went to Luneta instead
Sta. Isabel - they were Adamson's dates
CRC - what the hell is this party for?
PSBA - what the hell is CRC?
NCBA - what the hell is PSBA?
AMA - they were parading with Jolina posters


SUICIDAL SANDWICH
There were three friends: an Atenean, a La Sallite, and a UP student (so
you know this story is fictional.)

Anyway, these three friends met for lunch everyday and ate their
sandwiches.

UP: Putek! Peanut butter sandwich na naman? Sawang-sawa na ako dito ah. Pag
bukas, peanut butter sandwich na naman ang baon ko, magpapatiwakal na ako!

Ateneo: Darn! Roast beef sandwich again. I'm sick of this already. If I get
another roast beef sandwich tomorrow, I'm gonna shoot myself!

La Salle : Oh my gosh, grabe! Ham sandwich is my baon again. I am so sawa
with this sandwich na, ha? If my baon tomorrow is ham sandwich again, I'm
gonna drive my CRV over the cliff!

The next morning, they again met for lunch, and, alas, they had the same
sandwiches again. The UP student went back to his dorm, pulled out a
belt,and choked himself to death. The Atenean went home, got a gun, and
shot himself in the head. The La Sallite drove his CRV off a cliff.

At their funerals, their mothers were interviewed:

UP: Kung sinabi niya lang sa akin na ayaw niya na nang peanut butter
sandwich, eh di sana hindi na yun yung pinabaon ko sa kanya.

Ateneo: If he had told me that he didn't want roast beef anymore, I
wouldn't have given him roast beef.

La Salle : Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit siya nagpakamatay, eh siya
naman yung gumagawa ng sarili niyang sandwich!

NGEK !!!

more to come hahhaha!
_________________

silence can kill...

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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 1:17 am

Dear Husband:

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it.
These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to tell me
that you had quit your job today and that was the last
straw. Last week,you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my
hair and nails done,
cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
negligee. You came home
and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep
after watching the
game. You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't
touch me
oranything. Either you're cheating or you don't love
me anymore,
whateverthe case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER
and I are moving away
to West Virginia together! Have a great life!


Your EX-Wife



Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving
yourletter. It's true that you
and I have been married for seven years, although a
good woman is a far
cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to
try to drown out
your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I
did notice when you
cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing
that came to mind was
"You look just like a man!" My mother raised me to not
say anything if
you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my
favorite meal, you must
have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I
stopped eating pork
seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you had
on that new
negligee because the price tag was still on it. I
prayed that it was a
coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that
morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all of
this, I still loved
you and felt that we could work it out. So when I
discovered that I had
hit the lotto for ten million dollars,
I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica.
But when I got home you
were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I
hope you have the
filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with
your letter that you
wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my
brother was born
Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

Signed Rich As Hell and Free!
_________________

silence can kill...

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Posted: Sat Apr 28, 2007 11:16 am

wahaha! Nice one!
_________________

YOU WILL NEVER GO BACK TO THE FOUNTAIN ALIVE!!! >

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Posted: Sun Apr 29, 2007 5:38 am

2 dogs talking:

dog1:hey,they say our saliva could kill..
dog2:so what?
dog1:i'm nervous
dog2:y?
dog1:i swallowd my saliva...

hahahaha...lol
_________________
rockers dont die...




they regenerate...

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Posted: Thu May 17, 2007 10:51 am

hahaha iopsjweoi enuidi oksfetg

sorry, but i dont understand ur language

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Posted: Thu May 24, 2007 9:29 am

nice joke Nikz... but i'm not laughing
_________________

She's Gone.. T_T

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Posted: Thu Jun 07, 2007 9:56 am

hmm..

a stup*d filipino dota joke:

Rak is the true nake of Nerubian Assassin. but when he was asked what his name is, he didnt answer..

so the pinoys got pissed of.. then one of them screamed:




ANU BA RAK?!?!


thats how it came to be


told yah it was stupid.. /swt

there..
_________________

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Posted: Thu Jun 14, 2007 3:43 am

Hehe Pasali...

Anong Hayop ang mahilig mag pantalon???


EDI

"elePants"

Nyeeee...

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Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 1:08 pm

is green jokes allowed here?

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Posted: Sat Aug 04, 2007 1:21 am

It's joke time!!

IBANG POSISYON:
Husband: Shall we try a different position tonight?
Wife: Thats a good idea dear!... doon ka sa may plantsahan at ako naman ang uupo sa sofa at manoood ng tv.

PINOY INGENUITY?
A Filipino doctor has introduced the use of a device that enlarges a man's sex organ by up to 5 times with no side effects. It is called a magnifiying glass.

REGALO:
Mare: Di yata nagustuhan ni Pare ang birthday gift mo, ah...
Mrs: Oo nga, 7 months na, di pa rin ginagamit.
Mare: Bakit, ano ba regalo mo sa kanya?
Mrs: Memorial Plan.

SI GINO:
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kape ko.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Gino, paabot nga ng kutchara.
APO: 'lo, Gina po.
LOLO: Punyeta ka, Gino! Tigil-tigilan mo yang kabaklaan mo!

TUTPIK:
Kustomer: Ano ba naman itong tutpik nyo, iisa na nga lang, ang dali pang mabali!
Waiter (inis): Alam nyo, sir, ang dami nang gumamit nyan, pero kayo lang nakabali!

CONFIDENT VS CONFIDENTIAL:
Anak: Itay, ano ang kaibahan ng confident sa confidential?
Itay: Anak kita, CONFIDENT ako dyan. Yung bespren mong si Tikboy, anak ko rin, CONFIDENTIAL yan.

FIRST LOVE NEVER DIES:
Anak: Inay, totoo ba na "First love never dies"?
Nanay: Aba, oo. Tignan mo yang tatay mo, hangga ngayon, buhay pa ang animal!

SUKO SA MISTER:
Mrs 1: Suko na ako sa mister ko, lagi na lang ako binubugbog bago
niroromansa...
Mrs 2: Mas grabe yung mister ko. Binubugbog ako tapos si Inday ang
niroromansa.

PAGOD DAW.....
Mrs: Ano ba? Two days na tayong kasal, 'la pa rin.
Mr: Kasi pagod ako.
Mrs: Si! ge ka, p ag ayaw mo, maghahanap ako ng lalaki.
Mr: Sige, gawin mong dalawa, tig isa tayo!

PARI AT MADRE:
Pari: Sister, ikaw ba ang nasa CR? Kukunin ko lang toothbrush ko...
Sister: Sandali, naka-panty lang ako.
Pari: Ok, antay ako.
Sister: Pasok na, wala na akong panty!

ESTUDYANTE:
Bugaw: Sir, Chicks P1,500, estudiante!
Man: Ganun ba? Hanapan mo ako ng mga P1,000 lang pero mas magaling pa sa estudiante.
Bugaw: Yung PRINCIPAL, sir!

AFTER THE WEDDING:
Husband: Sinungaling ka, sabi mo virgin ka! Bakit kagabi maluwag na!
Wife: Ulol ka! Dahil lasing ka, katabi mo kagabi si mama!

PAMBOBOSO:
Anak: Inay, sinisilip ng kaklase ko 'yung panty ko!
Inay: Bastos 'yun ah! Ano'ng ginawa mo?
Anak: Hinubad ko at itinago ko 'yung panty, para 'di nya makita!

PROMOTION:
Jud ge: Ikaw na naman! Sampung taon ka nang humaharap sa korte ko ah!
Swindler: Your Honor, di ko kasalanan kung hi ndi po kayo ma-promote.

AMPON:
Anak: 'Nay, tinutukso po ako ng kalaro ko na anak ako sa labas!
Nanay: Hindi totoo 'yan, anak. Ang sabihin mo sa kanila, ampon ka!

ANG SULAT:
Patient: Dok, malungkot dito sa mental kaya naisipan kong sulatan ang
sarili ko...
Doc: E ano naman ang laman ng sulat mo?
Patient: Di ko pa po alam kasi next wik ko pa ata matatangap...
< BR>LIIT NAMAN:
Wife: Honey... bili mo naman ako ng bra...
Husband: Hon.. wag ka nang magbra...liit naman dede mo e..
Wife: E ba't ikaw, naka-brief!?

DOWNY:
GIRL: Ang puti naman ng bird mo...
BOY: Aba, syempre ah! Likas papaya ata gamit ko diyan!
GIRL: Ginagam itan mo rin ba ng Downy?
BOY: Baket? Bango ba?
GIRL: Lambot eh!!!

HIDE AND SEEK:
GIRL: Hide and seek tayo. If you find me, papayag akong makipag-sex sa 'yo...
BOY: Eh, kung di kita makita?
GIRL: Nasa likod lang ako ng piano...

MADRE:
dalawang madre nirereyp ng goons....
Madre 1: Jusko, patawarin mo po sila...hindi nila nalalaman ang kanilang ginagawa!
Madre2: Ay, yung sa akin marunong!!!!

RAPE SUSPEK:
ATTY: Inday, pwede mo bang idiskrayb dito sa korte ang taong nangreype sa 'yo?
INDAY: Maitim, panot, tagyawatin, pango ilong, at bungal...
SUSPEK: Sige!...mang-asar ka pa!!!!
_________________

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Posted: Wed Aug 29, 2007 8:34 am

lmao chco thats a really funny joke, especially since i could read it

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