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How Akasha became the Queen of Pain

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DrifterZ


Warnings : 1 I Like Chouji
 Monster Kill Posts: 447 Joined: 09 Aug 2007 16894 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 2:09 am

@caspian: added As soon as she closed her eyes, the Warden was in front of her, hurling a poisonous dagger that struck her lips, sending her into loud screams that could have made human ears burst. Unwittingly, Akasha has learned, and eventually mastered, her powerful screams that the Sentinel would eventually call the Scream of Pain. in the story , replaced with my lines as you said.

@i_am_me: name a hero , i'll try to make a story about him.
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i_am_me


Dominating Posts: 128 Joined: 30 Mar 2008 4586 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 2:11 am

hmmm...

how about barathrum?

i love his greater bash!!
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[WPA]-lescanooo


Warnings : 1 Dominating Posts: 119 Joined: 19 Feb 2008 2861 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 2:11 am

exellent, just impresive, good job.

im 14 and ive never had SUCH imagination, but i loooooove when this kind of nice storys come up. keep on you have my full support Wink
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DrifterZ


Warnings : 1 I Like Chouji
 Monster Kill Posts: 447 Joined: 09 Aug 2007 16894 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 2:16 am

thanks Smile

@i_am_me: i'll try

@lescanooo: Thanks ever so much Very Happy
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i_am_me


Dominating Posts: 128 Joined: 30 Mar 2008 4586 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 2:28 am

if it is too hard 4 u, i can suggest another...

just tell me when u are having a trouble.. ^^
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`UnholY`


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Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 2:38 am

Pretty good. 7/10 if I would rate it.
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DrifterZ


Warnings : 1 I Like Chouji
 Monster Kill Posts: 447 Joined: 09 Aug 2007 16894 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 3:31 am

Thanks Unholy

@i_am_me: I'll try XD.
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Unkn0wn


Killing Spree Posts: 68 Joined: 11 Apr 2008 2645 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 3:50 am

Please make a story about PUDGE!!! PLEASE!!! Smile
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frOzEntraxex


Monster Kill Posts: 386 Joined: 17 Dec 2007 8346 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 4:04 am

W8!,
I'm 16, but i can't write as good as this.. hehe!Laughing
(I juz dun like writing stories or even poems..),
Haha!,

How 'bout Azwraith's?, anyway, juxtaposing?, Laughing

8/10

Wink Wink
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`UnholY`


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Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 6:17 am

TIP : do longer parts, but post it one chapter at a time, then ask for the readers' opinions. Doing this can help you make the next chapters better, plus, you get the readers' to wait for the next chapter.
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devilfeathers


Monster Kill Posts: 240 Joined: 27 Mar 2007 595 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 6:53 am

hahaha. nice work. XD
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DrifterZ


Warnings : 1 I Like Chouji
 Monster Kill Posts: 447 Joined: 09 Aug 2007 16894 gold

Posted: Tue May 06, 2008 2:20 pm

Hmmm....I think i'm on to something here.

Gold for stories

XD. Nah i'll write my stories for free! Very Happy
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Elementalist


Dominating Posts: 103 Joined: 04 Mar 2008 2907 gold

Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 4:18 am

I like it! Some constructive criticism?: It didnt seem to flow to me, like the fight with the Warden was chopped up into little bits, use some comma;s or something (hating myself for being negative(I only read the fight with the Warden so i may have missed it getting better)) Meh! Damn all you writers are young, Is it like your just walking down the street and an idea pops in your head or do you just kind write what you think?
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GaNkStA


Warnings : 5 Mega Kill Posts: 581 Joined: 12 Dec 2006 11833 gold

Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 4:23 am

@Ele i dont think a semi colon is ment to be in "comma;s"

Yeah im 16, and i think my own Vocab is nice, but hey, an 11 year shows up and bam, Nice work.


Reason for Edit: Spelling Lol
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DrifterZ


Warnings : 1 I Like Chouji
 Monster Kill Posts: 447 Joined: 09 Aug 2007 16894 gold

Posted: Wed May 07, 2008 1:02 pm

@Elementalist: I write what I think or what pops up in my mind.

@Ganksta: Thanks Smile
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