Spirits Within[Chapter 9]

Spirits Within[Chapter 9]

Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:43 am

My first fan fiction. So take it easy. XD
Can't think of a story name now, so.. :X
Yes, this is “fan fiction”, so some parts are not going to be greatly linked to Warcraft itself, I suppose.
I do have some parts of Chapter 2, but considering that it is unfinished, I choose not to post it.
Will edit soon, hopefully..
...


Chapter 1. Brothers
“So, Nalen, this is the legendary Roshan the adults are speaking of…”
“Yes, brother. He sure fits the description from them,” Nalen unstrapped a big hammer and brought it to his front, lowering it as he went into his battle stance. He still wasn’t used to the hammer’s heavy weight, holding a hammer almost his size made him feel clumsy. He looked at the monstrous body of Roshan. “The immortal” was its nickname made by the adults he overheard speaking. Many warriors tried to slay Roshan, but none survived under Roshan’s Godlike strength. Nalen almost flinched by this thought.
I might get killed.. Just like those foolish warriors.. “Vorl, brother, we should go back, we are no match to this monster!” exclaimed Nalen.
“Fool! We are blessed by the powers of God himself! How could we lose, have you lost your mind! Don’t let fright get you again, we can do it!” scolded Vorl.
“But brother! We are-…”
“Shut up, and let’s do it,” hissed Vorl. He too unstrapped a hammer from his back. “Ready or not, mighty Roshan, here I come!” Holding his hammer with great confidence, Vorl leapt like a hungry leopard.
Unknowing what to do, Nalen stood there watching his brother attack.
As Vorl swung his hammer towards Roshan, Roshan whipped his hand with such speed that knocked Vorl out of the way.
“Umph!” gasped Vorl as he hit the floor. “Nalen , what are you doing! Help me!”
“B-but brother.. We can’t do this! Let’s go back!” shouted Nalen.
Vorl scowled at his brother’s cowardice as he dodged Roshan’s next wave of attack. Vorl then muttered a few words of magic as he held a palm towards Roshan.
“Lich King! Give me power!” Vorl yelled with full volume.
Although the words shocked Nalen, what shocked him more was that Roshan fell like a mountain of useless rocks, a glowing shield presented before him and his brother.
“Brother! You sold your soul to the Lich King!” Nalen gripped his hammer, ready to defend himself.
Vorl simply ignored him as he picked up the glowing Aegis, “Ah, the Aegis of the Immortal, is finally mine!”
“Answer me, Vorl!”
Vorl then turned his head towards Nalen, looking at him with bloodlust eyes, smiling like a madman, “Ah, my brother, yes indeed. I do serve the Scourge in the name of the Lich King.. Now I must destroy everyone who opposes me.. The first one, is you. Nalen.”
“You fail the name of Thunderwrath!” Nalen led out a desperate call as he charged towards the traitor from his own family, his own blood.
“Die, fool! May the Lich King have mercy on you for your afterlife” Vorl again raised his arm towards Nalen.
“Die! In the Lich King’s name, Die!” A small blackhole glowing with an unholy green appeared under Nalen’s feet. As the blackhole started to cover his body, Nalen felt his lifeforce being drained portion by portion.
I cannot die, at least not now, not now! God, lend me strength! Let me destroy this traitor!
Vorl watched in awe as his spell was repelled from Nalen. He attempted to raise his palm again towards his brother for another blow, but he noticed he was too slow as his brother jumped right in front of him, glowing with holy light. Vorl closed his eyes before the blinding light, attempting to block the light by raising his hand as Nalen swung his mighty hammer towards Vorl’s skull.

Last edited by Naglfar on Thu Sep 04, 2008 1:20 pm; edited 9 times in total

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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:44 am

Great story. I wish you luck in your continuation.

Awesome username btw, FE ftw?
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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 9:47 am

Thanks.
Nope, got the name from Mythology.
I do notice it's also a band name. :P

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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 10:07 am

nice story... hope the comin 1 will make it beter...
but u can put some pics if u like... like a picture of vorl and nalen...
jus to make it more interesting..
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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 10:13 am

i like it.am also experimenting on some fictional writing too.
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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 10:21 am


You will see..You will see.

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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 2:42 am

Erm, chapter two, will be revised with some comments?
...

Chapter 2. Awakening
“Rest in peace,” whispered Nalen as he stared at Vorl’s bloodstained face. Then he shoved the last pile of dirt upon the corpse.
As Nalen walked away, he thought to himself.
It was never meant to be this way, brother, it was never meant to be...

Days after Nalen left, a pale white hand burst out of the ground where Vorl’s body was buried. Shortly after that, a person rose from the dirt. His clothes were ripped, skin damaged from insect bites. He looked up at the sky and smiled. Clearly, the Aegis gave him another life.
Vorl started laughing, laughing hysterically like a maniac. Looking at his limbs, he felt endless power sprang from the depths of his heart.
“I shall bring revenge, brother! I shall bring havoc to the world! Vorl is long dead! I am now, the Abaddon!”
Abaddon laughed as the darkness embraced his feature.

“NOO!!” Purist Thunderwrath woke up from his nightmare.
“Nalen, are you alright? You keep having nightmares these days..” Mirana was the only person that knows Purist’s true name since he took the nickname from the people who support him.
“To be honest.. No. I keep having dreams that my brother came back, to crush us.” Purist rubbed his head, trying to shake off the chill from the dream.
“Be careful Nalen, your brother could still be out there, alive.” Warned Mirana.
“That’s impossible!” exclaimed Purist, “I’ve killed him with my own bare hands! My hammer could prove it!”
“There is still a chance, my dear, did you forget abou-..” Mirana wasn’t able to finish her sentence as a footman entered the room.
“I am here to report to you about our spying squad, sir..” said the footman politely, obviously awed to see the presence of the Omniknight himself.
“Do continue,” Smiled Purist, he was hoping for good news.
“The squad… Was slaughtered by the undead, sir…” sighed the footman.
“How? Impossible! They were the top elites from my troop!” Purist stood up with astonishment, knocking the chair over.
“W-well, nearby scouts that survived the slaughtering reported to me that they saw a Death Knight chopping our men into pieces with a sword glowing with an icy aura…”
“Thanks, you may go,” said Purist, as he put the chair back to place.
“My honor,”
Purist paced back and forth in the room when the footman left, he had been fighting with the Sentinel for years, yet he has never heard of a Death Knight, could it be…
“Could it be your brother?” asked Mirana.
Purist shook his head, “I will have to see for myself to believe in such an unorthodox statement. Ready my troops, Mirana, tomorrow I will lead a personal attack against the scourge,”
“I will come with you, it is too dangerous for you to-…”
“Mirana, you heard me, I am going alone …” Purist didn’t let Mirana finish her sentence.
“Yes… Your troops will be ready by tomorrow morning,”
“Thank you,”

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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 4:32 pm

Hello..? Hello..?
Is my story that bad that made you guys all faint and forget to comment afterwards? !!
You know I hate to triple post..
Anyways, here comes Chapter 3. I know it lacks some detail in the march, but it shall be revised..with comments...
...
Chapter 3. Abaddon
“Let’s go, men! We shall bring glory to the Sentinel today!” Purist’s voice boomed around the stadium, allowing everyone to hear his words clearly.
The soldiers chanted and brought up their weapons, signaling Purist that they are ready to fight with him.. Even dieing beside Purist would be a great glory for any of them.

As they marched down the corrupted land, Purist inspected his surroundings, being aware of any possible ambushes.
As he turned his head into another direction, he heard a painful scream from one of his soldiers.
“Sir! Save me! Gah!!” The soldier fell as the ghoul started to consume his remains. Behind the ghoul, stood the Death Knight. Purist couldn’t see his face for the Death Knight was hooded. However, he caught a glimpse of silky white hair flowing out from the leather. Beside the death knight lays the wicked sword, surrounded by icy fog.
“You…” snarled Purist as he brought up his hammer, imagining the possible scenes on how his squad has been mercilessly slaughtered by the mysterious Knight.
The Knight paused for a second, lifting his palm to take the cover off.
It can’t be…
“Well well well, Purist , these are what you call, soldiers?” sneered Abaddon, or the former…
“Vorl! Impossible, it’s impossible that you are here!” Purist’s hammer gleamed with yellow light in response to his rage.
“Who? No, Vorl is long dead, Purist , now the Abaddon represents him!” Abaddon too brought up his sword, leaving icy marks in the air.
“I shall end this then.. Once and for all!” Purist gleamed with holy light as he readied himself to take a deadly strike on Abaddon. The Death Knight chuckled as he took the first move.
“Ungh!” grunted Purist as the sword left a purple mark on his shoulder. The blood marks left on the sword immediately melted into the sword, as if the sword itself consumed the blood.
“Ah! Frostmourne hungers!” Abaddon smiled in pleasure as Frostmourne glowed with an icy blue.
The former Vorl then raised his hand towards Purist, muttering a few words. Purist recognized the spell, it was the same necromancy used towards him years ago. He knew more than what to do…
“Gah!” cried Abaddon in agony, as his spell was repelled, thus draining his own life force. Looking up at his former brother, Abaddon’s eyes flashed with anger. Picking up Frostmourne, he strikes at Purist with inhuman speed. Purist’s clumsy hammer was clearly no match with the blood lusting Frostmourne. Soon, Purist finds another piercing wound between his ribs.
“Agh!” yelled Purist in pain. He fell to the floor, suffering from the pain dealt from Frostmourne. His soldiers were already lone gone, life forces all drained by Abaddon as he passed by. Dreadful, his vision started to blur as he saw the death knight approach, coming to do the final strike.

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Posted: Mon Aug 18, 2008 5:15 pm

nice job.. lacks some details, as you mentioned.. maybe just a bit more story to beef it up, it seems pretty raw bones. Overall though, good job of tellign the story. One of the few I hadn't read in fanfic. I like it.
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:45 am

Thanks Serpentson, I will take your comments into my revising.
..Chapter 4, err, please comment, guys?
...
Chapter 4. Guardians
Purist closed his eyes, waiting for his end as darkness filled up.
When suddenly…
Nalen… Wake up, Nalen…
A soothing voice echoed throughout his conscience.
Nalen grunted, reluctant to move.
It is I, Nalen! It is I! Wake up, there is no time to waste!
Nalen was surprised as his body was forced to get up, his palm gripping his hammer as steady as ever. The holy carvings on the hammer all shone with light. A direct, golden raze shone upon him from the heavens.
Surprised, Nalen finds himself warm, for the first time, in the plagued lands. Looking at his shoulder and his limbs, he found that the wounds were fully healed.
Abaddon too watched in awe as the miracle happened on Purist, and at the same time, envy the sight. In Abaddon’s point of view, he saw a humungous armored Angel behind Purist, arms fully extended in front of him.
He felt Frostmourne shaking violently.
Abaddon smiled as he watched the evil sword glow…
“Ah, Frostmourne, you hunger for the power, for the soul!”
Abaddon again strikes at Purist with the angry Frostmourne. Yet this time, the situations were different.
Abaddon was surprised as his sword bounced off Purist’s armor, not even leaving a scratch. He felt his dead skin tingle as Purist was walking towards him.
Purist was astonished as his hammer no longer felt as heavy as before. He waved his hammer around.
So easy.
Confidence filled him.
“No!!” Frostmourne fell out of Abaddon’s hands as his skin started to bubble.
Being in the cold plague lands for far too long made Abaddon forget a sense – Heat. Tears fell out of his eye as his skin protested to the mind-cracking burn. Voice cracking in pain, Abaddon scrambled to his feet and tried to escape. However, as Purist drew closer to him, Abaddon felt an invisible energy dragging him towards the Holy Knight, rendering him immobile.
I’m going to die here… I’m going to die…
For years, Abaddon again experienced the feeling when Nalen killed him the first time – Fear.
Abaddon gave up, resistance was futile…
He started to fall back to his childhood memories as Purist’s holy hammer came towards his skull, like the wind.
Fool! I was unlucky to be assigned to you! Get up!
Abaddon opened his eyes, wondering who was speaking to him… So rudely.
Purist’s hammer was stuck in mid-air, a shadowy feature blocked its path.
Run now! Useless human, run while you still can!
As Abaddon disappeared in the fog, the shadowy feature smiled. It too faded into the fog, as if they were one.
Confused by both his new abilities and the figure, Purist started to ascend further into the darkness.
We must go too, Nalen… Ghoul ambushes are near… Go now…
“MUST FEED!!!” came a disturbing chant from a ghoul. Soon, a whole group of ghouls started swarming towards Purist.
Nalen kept swinging his hammer around, pummeling Ghouls in half. At the same time, he also ignored the bites and slashes from the Ghouls. After all, they did no harm anyways.
Nalen! What are you doing! Run!
Suddenly, the golden light surrounding Purist has faded away as his as his last drop of mana vaporized.
Purist looked around, there were still countless Ghouls swarming in, preparing for a great feast.
He smiled.
At least a warrior’s death.

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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 7:55 am

nice story pls continue
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 8:06 am

ahahahahaa poor n00b purist doesn't stand a chance against the creeps
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Posted: Tue Aug 19, 2008 1:53 pm

n1! i didnt even look ur story up... >.< THese days i only came online to post my story. GAH!
NICE WORK. Kepp it up.
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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 6:12 am

Thanks guys for all the comments.
Here comes Chapter 5 for some small knowledge. Needs serious editting. :S...Maybe...
Also I came up with a prototype name for my story...
...
Chapter 5. Spirits
Then came a deafening roar from a tiger.
“Run Rascals! I command you in the name of Elune!” Mirana’s voice rang deep into every Ghoul’s ears as burning rocks fell from the sky.
“Gah, forget the feast, children, we must gooo…” The leading Ghoul commanded as the rest of the crew ran off.
Mirana…
Thought Purist, as he fell onto the cushion.
…
“You are still so mindless, Nalen… You were lucky I followed along.” Said Mirana softly.
Opening his eyes, Purist finds himself lying on Mirana’s legs. Embarrassed, he jumps up suddenly and started to clear his throat.
Mirana giggled as she saw Purist’s face redden.
“I’ll give you some time to bring yourself together, Nalen. Rest well.” Mirana smiled as she closed the door behind her.

Purist sat down as he thought to himself.
How the heck did I get those abilities? And what the heck saved Abaddon from his death?
That, I will explain now to you, young Nalen
The same soothing voice filled Purist’s conscience.
“Who is this?” He demanded.
Oh, I am your spirit, my dear.
“My spirit?”
Every single person has a spirit assigned to them when they give birth…
The spirit’s voice echoed through Nalen’s mind, he felt relaxed.
“So Abaddon too has a spirit?”
Yes, but we are different…
The spirit led out a slight sigh, to Purist’s surprise.
“Please explain”
Once we are assigned, we are destined to protect the host… However, spirits consists of two kinds, I am the “Angels”…
“Uh, and the other kind, spirit?”
Call me Elaine, every spirit has a name
“Sorry, sp-, Elaine, do continue,”
The two different species have different species and skills… My skill is to protect the host, thus bonding to him or her. All your powers come from me. Including the few times when you repelled your enemy’s spell, it was I who helped you. However, the other kind…-
Surprised by the truth, Purist broke between Elaine’s words again.
“So, it was always you… That saved me… But, why couldn’t I hear you until now?”
Your mind wasn’t mature enough, my dear. The higher the spirit’s rank, the harder the host to feel the presence…
“Ranks?”
The two species of the spirits all have their own ranks. I have the rank of “Guardian”. The highest ranking in my kind.
“Hmmm…Interesting, but then what happens when an evil person is holding a holy spirit?”
That will never happen
“Do explain,”
The type of the spirits that are bonded to the host determines the future path the host will choose…
“Which means Abaddon’s spirit is evil itself?”
Correct, Abaddon’s spirit consists of the other species, known as the “Shadow Fiends”, the species have generally the same skills as we Angels do, however, they can take form for a short time, leaving the host.
Purist sank into deep thought. So the shadowy figure that saved Abaddon was his spirit.
“Abaddon’s spirit also has a rank?”
The highest, “Dread Lords”
“How do you know all these anyways?”
I’ve been with you both since you all were born, same as his spirit.
“Okay… So you said that all spirits have names, do you know Abaddon’s?”
Nevermore.

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Posted: Wed Aug 20, 2008 6:48 am

Nice work! I love intricate stories! And I do hope you will finish this or else it will be a big waste...this can compete with Constantine's COPY-PASTE stolen great stories[/s]
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