Total Votes: 6

Did you like the story?

No ending time set.
no 16% [ 1 ]

needs improvement 50% [ 3 ]

yes 33% [ 2 ]

rOcKy5694

Godlike Posts: 1759 Joined: 28 Nov 2008 Warnings : 1 30000 gold

Life of a Hero..

Posted on Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:23 am

Hi!!

here's my fanfic: (hope you like it.)

Life of a Hero

This story is about 5 Sentinel Heroes. They are Rylai Crestfall, Zeus, Bradwarden, Aiustha, Purist Thunderwrath.

One day, in the Sentinel base, they are planning on how to invade the Scourge base. Then, they suddenly went off topic when Rylai asked something to the others.

"Guys! Just a question, what do you feel now that you are a hero?" asked Rylai to the others. Rylai is the newest hero there. Then Zeus immediately answered. "You little girl. We don't have much time for such foolish questions! We've got to battle with some filthy undead." "Hey! Don't be so rude on the girl, Zeus!"replied Bradwarden. "Sorry." Zeus said.

Then they went to their own lanes. Rylai was with Bradwarden on the middle, while Zeus and Purist were on the bottom lane and Aiustha was on the top lane by herself. After Rylai and Bradwarden defeated Kel'Thuzad and Barathrum, they went behing the Ancient Protector and took a rest. While they're resting, Rylai asked Bradwarden. "Is Zeus always like that?" Bradwarden immediately replied. "He's not always like that. Before, he used to be jolly. But he's been always rude with newbies." "So, he thinks that I'm a newbie?" Rylai asked again. "Well, let's just say, it's his way of welcoming you." Bradwarden added.

After 3 days, the 5 are in the base, taking their rest, for they defeated the Scourge. Then suddenly, Zeus, the kinda grumpy old man, became happy. Then they are in the bonfire to have some quality time with each other.

"Rylai, why don't you start?" Purist asked. "Oh sure. I just wanted to ask a question to all of you, how does it feel for you to be a hero?" she asked.

Then Zeus answered. "For me, being a hero is an honor. You could just imagine yourself, saving lives of mankind and all good people. Makes me flattered of myself"

Purist added. "Zeus is correct, it is an honor because people in danger can trust in you and fulfilling your promise to them is simply amazing."

Aiushtha then joined. "For me. it's a pleasure. Because it's fun for me to see undead die in my spear."

After what Aiustha said, everybody laughed happily.

Rylai then noticed that Bradwarden is kinda lonely.

"Hey! Why are you in such a bad mood?" she asked. Bradwarden replied. "Nothing. Don't mind me." he added "Being a hero is just normal for me."

"Why?" Rylai asked. "I've never experienced the fun of being a hero, when I was just a kid, I've been a hero of our tribe. Then, when you asked that question, it reminded me of my lost brethren." Bradwarden replied.

After he spoke, he just saw everyone sleeping, even Rylai. but he saw some tears from her eyes.

Then all of them sleeped.

(part 1)

part 2 would be on my next post.

give comments about the story. don't be afraid to tell your opinion.

Edit: added space between paragraphs..
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Last edited by rOcKy5694 on Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:33 am; edited 1 time in total

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Epic.008

Monster Kill Posts: 320 Joined: 14 Jul 2008 8976 gold

Posted on Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:25 am

*cough2* Separate *cough* the Paragraph *cough
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THANKS TO REIVA00 FOR THE SIG!!

WIll be away sometime..lol

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b_o_g_a_r_t

Mega Kill Posts: 866 Joined: 14 Apr 2008 27862 gold

Posted on Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:32 am

Well, its good enough...
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PRO-feederZ

Godlike Posts: 2349 Joined: 27 May 2008 58727 gold

Posted on Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:34 am

need improvement....
read aliican's guide to fanfic...
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Counter_Force[X]

Empty Space
Beyond Godlike Posts: 6890 Joined: 13 Aug 2007 Warnings : 2 8252 gold

Posted on Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:43 am

the dialogues are not interesting

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b_o_g_a_r_t

Mega Kill Posts: 866 Joined: 14 Apr 2008 27862 gold

Posted on Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:55 am

I think they want deeper english grammar.
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exon

Killing Spree Posts: 72 Joined: 13 Dec 2007 2142 gold

Posted on Fri Dec 19, 2008 8:56 am

good touch but its too abrupt
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KingV

Godlike Posts: 1562 Joined: 18 May 2008 30278 gold

Posted on Fri Dec 19, 2008 9:48 am

If this is a parody/comedy its good.
If not then do not continue it...
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DogofHavoc

First Blood Posts: 18 Joined: 28 May 2008 560 gold

Posted on Fri Dec 19, 2008 4:20 pm

I hate to say it but this is very poor. My guess is that English is not your first language or you are very young.

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