Should I keep Going?

No ending time set.
No 25% [ 11 ]


Yes 75% [ 33 ]

Posted on Mon Mar 02, 2009 6:58 pm

your writing style is great.when i first read this i didnt think you were 12.
continue with the story.by the way, you use words too sophisticated for a 12 year old .Does anybody help you?
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Posted on Tue Mar 03, 2009 9:23 am

@neimei. nope. no help. well, the criticisms i get here can be considered help, but otherwise...no.

the next chapter will be up by the end of the day. maybe. i have homework (dont judge me. XD)

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Posted on Tue Mar 03, 2009 10:32 am



Alright, although it does sound flattering, I'm no master at writing.

The typos are normal errors made out of carelessness so they're fine with me as long as you can pinpoint where they are and be able to fix them.

Chapter 3 is better than 1 and 2 and it is similar to the way you wrote the prologue which is something I liked. The troll-speak was actually done well. This chapter was a completely different level compared to the first two; keep it up.
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Posted on Tue Mar 03, 2009 11:39 am

yay! im improving! but.. eh. i dont think i can get the chapter done tonight, as i did the prologue, ch. 1, 2 and 3 all in one sitting. it's 7:30 here, and i have another mountain of homework...i was too lazy to do it earlier..i played DotA.. wah.... anyway..im more used to doing it in one, y'now, flow of text. if i do it bit by bit, i mess up.. so if i cant do it tonight, ill do it tomorrow.. before i play dota.. probably.. XD\

Edit: Yippee! i finished my homework! with 2 hours to go! Chapter 4!

CHAPTER 4
The cold night air seeped in from the cracks of the cave roof. The morning dew was already condensing on the walls, and the sound of it dripping echoed through the void's mind like ripples in a pond. He had no home, and he had no one to call friend. For a being of so much power, he felt so cold. So alone. He did not sleep, he did not eat, he did not smile, or frown, he did not weep when others died, and he did not fear death itself. He felt, absolutely nothing. He looked out at the stars from the mouth of the cave, and he saw a large, purple one. It was streaking down the night sky, like a drop of rain, rolling down a window. However, the star didn't fall down like the others, as the others would disappear just as fast as they would come into sight. This one, stayed. And it seemed to be getting brighter....

"Where is Jah'Rakal?" Questioned Gondar. "He's gone. He stayed with the Witch Doctor" muttered Davion. "Will he come back?" "Yes" declared Davion."Yes he will" "Okay then, we're off to find the Void...again." Gondar proclaimed. "What? What do you mean again?". "We found him." Gondar replied."But fighting him alone would be suicide." "Ah, ah. Alright. Reasonable, however, did you catch what direction he went in?" Yurnero asked. "No, he dissapeared in less than a second, but I noticed, that the sun was much lower after he dissapeared..." Said the young Satyr. "Fine then, Gondar. At your request, we will leave. It is far too dark however, to go today. In the morning maybe" Davion said. "Alright, we leave at the break of dawn, tonight we rest. Taking shifts to watch us as we sleep. Me first, followed by Davion, then Yurnero, and finally Rikkimaru. Agreed?" Gondar asked. "Agreed." they all replied. And they went to sleep, for the night.

Gondar watched the stars with his unflinching, cold Draenei eyes. Wondering how to kill the Void. Thousands of strategies flowed through his old mind, none worked. He sat there thinking, until the sun rose, skipping Davion's, Yurnero's, and Rikkimaru's shifts. Unfaltering in his gaze, he pondered how to stop time itself from moving, for the void, but not for them. He had decided. It is impossible to kill the Faceless Void. For once, in their long and illustrious career, they have found a mark that they could not kill. As the others woke up, Gondar made an announcement. "Fellow bounty hunters, I have bad news. I have contemplated it all night long, and there is almost absolutely no way to kill the Faceless Void." "Then we'll just take the almost then." Rikkimaru suggested. Gondar retorted with "Don't think doing it will be as easy as saying it. Think about it, how can we kill him. Example, you and I sneak up on him, and pop out with a surprise backstab. As Yurnero and Davion cut him to mincemeat. He just has to feel the vibrations of the wind on his back, and he reverts time, to before we even found him. There is absolutely no way to trick time!"

The council of elders had grown silent, as Furion began to make his announcement. "The mana cannon was a complete, and utter failure. It seems that we must simply wait, until the star comes, and act according to that." "That's suicide!" one of the elders yelled. "What if the star destroys all of Azeroth when it makes impact!?! All will have been for naught!" Furion replied with:"That may be so, but what do you suggest we do? Fire another cannon? Speed it up even more?" The elder had grown silent. This was the elder known as Chen, and he was quite old, but he was trustworthy, just quick to jump to conclusions. "You're right. What else can we do? Besides waiting." "Absolutelty nothing." Furion replied. "Absolutely nothing.


im happy about the paragraphs with void. I just suck at dialogue. i promise the next one will be better. something cool will hapen in the next one...

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Posted on Thu Mar 05, 2009 12:10 am

i liked it, built up some suspense

woot woot! good job and keep writing! we'll be waiting
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Posted on Thu Mar 05, 2009 9:17 am

i dont think i can get the next chaoter for quite a while, monday maybe. I have lots of homework this week, and Ill be going out all weekend long. sowi!

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Posted on Thu Mar 05, 2009 11:57 am



I'm happy with your paragraphs too and as for your slight issue with dialogue, use more spacing so that each thing that the character says is highlighted and not hard to read just like with this example:



It takes up a lot of space but it's easier on the eyes, no?
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Last edited by RzfX on Thu Mar 05, 2009 1:44 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Posted on Thu Mar 05, 2009 12:09 pm

Great story!
and looks like rzfx has found a padawan...
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Posted on Thu Mar 05, 2009 12:35 pm

This is awesome. I love the way you introduce someone with his abiities and skills. And the part when SK is a friend of DK. I love that part. Good Job.

Gonna read chapter 4. Haven't read it yet, too late.

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Posted on Sat Mar 07, 2009 4:48 am

thanks for the advice Rzfx! i cant write the next chapter until next week maybe, because i have exams for 2 weeks... but maybe this week sunday, or next week sunday.

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Posted on Sat Mar 14, 2009 2:11 pm

yarhhhh next chap
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Posted on Sat Mar 21, 2009 3:53 am

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
First day of Summer is here!

CHAPTER 5

His Green, unflinching eyes stared deeply into the Time stream. Searching like a Shark for it's prey. And yet, the observant minds in this world could tell that the shark, was afraid of it's prey to come.

"Ughh" Yurnero Whined. "Why must we retreat so hastily?"

"Because. It is a waste of time if we stay here. We won't kill him anyway...And according to Gondar..We would be killed." Quipped Rikkimaru.

"Wait." Intruded Davion. "It might not be a lost cause.I have heard news of a Dragonflight that was previously unheard of...Pehaps any of you have heard of it?"

"What is the name of this Dragonflight?" The others asked.

"The Infinity Dragonflight." Replied Davion. "They have the power to bend, and twist time to their will. Similar to the Faceless Void. This being said, it's possible that this Dragonflight has the ability to nullify the Faceless Void's Powers."

"What does this have to do with us? I might ask" Inquired Yurnero.

"It includes us...because if I can become a member of the Green Dragonflight, The blue, And the Red at my will...Perhaps I can become one of the Infinity as well." As Davion informed the rest.

Gondar's eyes seemed unaffected. He seemed bitter at the concept of being wrong, and it left a sour taste in his mouth. "Fine" Said Gondar. "Fine"

Furion had his arms raised, holding his oaken staff proudly to the sun, and began chanting strange words, that seemed to echo across the forest floor. After a sudden flash of light, Furion was gone. But a few seconds later, he had appeared in front of the Council of Elders. "We must act now. All of you, we must move hastily." And in another flash, the entire council of elders appeared in front of the audience. The audience of Kel'Thuzad, Abbadon, and the Lich king himself...

"So" Said the Lich king. "Give me one reason not to summon the guards and have you all killed."

"We have come to seek a solution to the problem. The problem." Proclaimed Chen.

"Oh. We have just the solution for you. Just the right
one..."




@Everyone that is weird enough to actually read my crappy fanfic: Sorry it took so long, and it's still too short. I had to focus on exams. Also, I GOT 89 IN MATH!!!. So...yea. Next one will hopefully be better. Happy summer everyone (in the Philippines)

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Posted on Sun Mar 22, 2009 11:44 pm

Hey! i liked it ^^ nice improvements!

next chapter sounds like its gonna be epic (the good and bad councils meet, Infinty Dragonflight, etc)

btw, congrats on the 89! unless u wanted better of course but 89 is pretty good for me lol, i suck at math >.<
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Posted on Mon Mar 23, 2009 4:45 pm

Yea..I was excited to tell my parents about the 89. (last quarter i got 75, or 76, i forgot.)

Its late, and i have nothing to do. Chapter 6 has arrived.




CHAPTER 6

The band of hunters silently walked to the clearing, where something might happen. Anything that might allow Davion to, achieve a new level, as one might say,

"Damn, I don't know what to do... Any ideas Gondar?" Davion Inquired.

"I would guess that exposing yourself to a member of that Dragonflight is the best chance that we have." Gondar replied. "We don;t have any leads how. Might as well find someone who does."

"That's impossible. Neltharion, the enemy of all Dragonflights is said to rule that flight. Though, it is only a rumor, and no one has found out." Snapped Davion.

"Ughh." Rikimaru groaned. "Wait. You said that it was a rumor, correct?"

"Yes" Davion Answered."But even I believe this is so."

Gondar returned with:"Yes, but a rumor is a rumor, and rumors are not always true. Perhaps Neltharion does not command the Flight. And if he doesn't, well. Only one way to find out. Where can we find the Infinity Dragons?"

"Northerend" Davion said. "Northrend.




"Damn!" Cursed Purist, The Omniknight. "What has that foggy old man done! He has been captured by the Lich King and his Scourge."

"Calm down Purist." Said Mangix." You worry too much. He's Furion, for Panda's sake. He can hold his own in a fight."

"Aye." Omniknight replied. "But hes outnumbered there 100 to 1! We have no choice. As the replacement head, of the Sentinel in case of the Council's leave. I call Full-scale assault on the Scouge. Ready your forces."

"Sven!"

"Yes."

"Traxex!"

"I'll be ready."

"Kunkka!"

"I shall make them taste my blade."

"Excellent. We strike....in one week's time. Assemble your forces. We will need all the help we can get."



The journey to Northrend was much like Northrend itself. Cold and Bitter. As they walked, they began to talk.

"What do the Infinity Dragons look like?"

"Big, and black" Replied Davion.

And there they were. Sleeping between the walls of a medium sized cave.

"My God..." Davion appeared shocked. "Nozdormu. It can't be."

"Why?" Rikimaru asked.

"That is Nozdormu. The leader of, the Bronze Dragonflight. In truth, I may have forgotten to tell you that The Infinite Dragonflight has been messing around with the flow of time. Trying to "fix" things as they see fit. Sometimes it benefits the world, sometimes it doesn't. All of the Dragonflights want this stopped, as they are the Guardians of the World, since the times of the Titans. But, Nozdormu can't be the leader of this, foul Dragonflight. He just can't be."

"Well." Rikimaru replied. "He's in a cave full of Metallic, faded looking dragons. It looks like he is."

"It would be beneficial to ask." Gondar said.

"Yes." Said Davion. "Yes it would."






EDIT!!!! READ THIS OR YOULL BE CONFUSED. I wrote Yurnero instead of Kunnka. I changed it already. Damn. Why did I write Yurnero? Oh yea. The "taste my blade" thingy.





Ok. Does anyone wonder why i use such weird names? Its because the stuff 'bout the flights, etc. Come from WoW. Google it. They're there.

Also...hehehe. I know that im doing a lot of foreshadowing. I have it all planned out, but i wanna end it already, and start a new one. If it goes that way that im planning, *sigh. It will end at around chapter 9-10 or so.

Last edited by +Stars.At.Night- on Sat Mar 28, 2009 3:04 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Posted on Mon Mar 23, 2009 5:20 pm

Nelfarion is the leader of the black dragonflight

nice story though
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