How is it??

No ending time set.
Average, still readable 22% [ 23 ]


Good, you should keep going on 77% [ 81 ]

Posted on Thu Nov 19, 2009 5:43 am

This is going to be an epic battle!!
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^_^

You have a whoreish mouth

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Posted on Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:34 am

bad grammar bad syntax bad semantics bad vocabulary bad bad bad

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Posted on Thu Nov 19, 2009 7:53 am

@Tee

zzzzzzzz, thats all?
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Posted on Thu Nov 19, 2009 8:34 am

hacker, ignore Tee, it not like he could do better than you.

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Posted on Fri Nov 20, 2009 9:36 pm

Totally awesome so far, keep it up!

P.S. Love the way N'aix is portrayed, keep it coming!

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Posted on Mon Nov 30, 2009 4:10 am

Chapter 31 Ghoul Trouble (Part 2)

Droplets of water fell from the sky, replacing the silence with the pitter-patter of the sudden rain, clouds began to converge and the sky turned dark. A flock of birds flew off, heading towards brighter area, hastily leaving the gloom of the dark and the scatters of the rain.

Fate had to turn against him again, with the interference of the rain, a stealthy assault was impossible, thought Gondar, he analyze the entire situation of the battle using every passing second, thinking, concocting something, to save both of them from this losing battle.

Naix on the other hand was done waiting, he charged at the two with full force for the second time, as it was clear he was warring both of them down.

Gondar and Mangix, both hold a defensive stance, ready to parry the oncoming blow. The bounty hunter held one blade back and used the other to attack the lifestealer, he was sure it would attack him first.

In a blink of an eye, Naix pounce on the brewmaster, gave a strong swipe to the back of the panda’s head, and leaped away from Gondar’s strike. Mangix was out, and was hanging by a thread. Besides that, the rain was pouring down heavily, anyone could notice something invisible in this weather, He could see Naix clearly, since the start of this battle he didn’t let his eyes off it for it. The lifestealer, with not a wound on him, stood there, resisting the urge to gorge on the panda’s flesh, fearing the bounty hunter’s blows, Naix knows about the damage that the bounty hunter can do, a little too well, Naix was still keeping the raging shield which has kept him safe from harm, but it adds the urge to let loose the real monster inside, a monster with no afflictions, no intelligence, o restrains, only instincts.

Naix ran, Gondar waited for it to come into range, but the lifestealer went for Mangix, Gondar instantly went to stop him, but his was still too far, he saw the claw, stained with fresh blood, getting close and closer, till the brewmaster’s white fur turned red.

And the unexplainable and impossible happen, a blue ogre just body slammed on the lifestealer, stopping Naix just in time.

The ogre continued with an elbow to Naix’s decomposing skull, using his foot to stamp the claw down and putting it out of lethal range. Then, he pummeled Naix, in the ribs, the skull, the joints; each blow would cause the earth to shudder. Both of the lifestealer’s claws were held down and were restrained, Naix tired to use his legs, but the creature’s weight was affecting him already. With a final slam to the face, Naix let went unconscious as he the dark shadow surrounding him evaporates.

The ghouls were in shock for a long time, still surprise at the sudden attack from a stranger, but they got out of it and sprinted towards the new enemy. The ogre, without looking out, threw vials all around him, creating a shield of smoke. The ghouls when through without care, only to fall simultaneously one after another, soon all were down or dead.

“Gondar, get Mangix!” said Razzil.

Gondar gave a kick to the ghoul running towards him and went for the panda without a word. The alchemist dispatch all the ghouls who came close to Gondar and Mangix, all lay dead with shattered skulls.

Soon, they were running towards the hills, by the alchemist’s command, and an army of ghouls right behind them, all battle-crazed and ready to feast on their corpse if any make a wrong step.

The rain didn’t stop, and Gondar could swear, it was getting worse, he really hopes that the other Sentinels aren’t this bad.
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Posted on Wed Dec 02, 2009 10:19 pm

EPICCCCCC!!!!! Razzil saves the day haha! i really liked the descriptions in the beginning, set the scene perfectly

WANT MOARRRRRRR
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Posted on Wed Dec 02, 2009 10:28 pm

Nice and nice but i have a suggestion, you started perfectly, perfect story and perfect grammar, but now you are loosing the tenses and grammar, keep up this wonderful fanfic but dont rush it so you can have a good grammar because those errors can make the readers fall back and stop reading it making them loose details

Otherwise the story is GGGGGREATTT
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Ty for the Sig P]aniC
Ty for the Avy Shisehise!

http://www.dotastrategy.com/forum/ftopic26555.html
PETITION FOR A VENT SERVER IN DS

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Posted on Fri Dec 04, 2009 2:24 am

Thanks, I'll try to be more careful.
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Posted on Sun Dec 06, 2009 3:16 am

Once upon a time, a writer wrote with cliches and overused metaphors.

Then a mod came. The mod fu*king CAME!



Nuf said.
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Posted on Sun Dec 06, 2009 10:23 am

bloodseeker..

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Posted on Mon Dec 07, 2009 7:18 am

is it gollum/naix?

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Posted on Tue Dec 08, 2009 1:33 am

[quote="leyeen"]is it gollum/naix?[/quote]

Don't understand the question??

Anyway, here's the next chapter, if you find any mistakes pls point it out. I'll try to edit it.

Chapter 32 Ghoul Trouble (Part 3)

The rain stopped, but the puddles of muddy water still linger outside the cave. A moonless night has taken over, utter darkness covers the land. The fire illuminated the cave in an eerie orange glow; multiple shadows were formed outside the exit, dancing below the night’s sky.

“They are still out there, I can see a few of them, munching on some of the wildlife.” said the bounty hunter, standing just deep enough within the cave to not be spotted, and to spy on the enemies outside. He continued, “We shouldn’t have build the fire so close, it may give away our position.”

“Relax Gondar, we don’t want to disturb the wildlife here, some of them have been tainted by corruption, precautions must be taken.” said the blue ogre has he resume treating the brewmaster’s wound. He whispered to his goblin quietly and in a different tongue, then both were chuckling uncontrollably.

“You do know I have learned goblin language in my travels right?” said Gondar as he overheard their whispering.

The two stop, shock, it was hard making fun of the bounty hunter without him noticing, but they soon continued to laugh.

Gondar couldn’t help but laugh with them; it was going to be a cold and long night.

They have gathered sufficient firewood to last the entire night, but it wasn’t the fire that the bounty hunter was worrying about, the attack, the chase, it was so nicely put together, the cave maybe a trap, but they can hold back anything that comes in the cave, there is only one entrance, it was confusing.

“You have heard about the rise of the obelisks?” asked the dranei as he sat down near the fire.

“Unfortunately, yes, it is troubling, I could remember when they were first planted them in my home, the Legion came to my beloved home, and left my clan with nothing, they took away my relatives and friends, enslaving them with the lust of war and rage. It was unbelievable what they done to our peaceful tribe.” said Razzil, feeling the sadness swelling up, but it was replaced with anger, “I laughed the day the Legion lost and retreated, it was a small consolation to my tribe. Its just too bad what they left behind never went back too.” Gondar could see hint of tears gathering in Razzil’s eyes, even though they were invisible in this light.

“The ghouls, they been strengthen by the obelisks, so are the rest of the Scourge,” said the ogre before Gondar said anything.

“You have confirmed this fact?” asked the bounty hunter, though he always knew the answer.

“Sadly,” and Razzil nodded his head.

“I went here a month ago, with a platoon of treants, the Northern wall was being invaded, so I help them by following along, who knew when we past by the town, the ghouls have already breach our defenses and came in. They were relentless, as they have always been, but now, they were organized too, they attack in formation, help the wounded, having targets, like a real army, not some gathering of undead pillaging a town. Nobody lead them, Naix arrived just today, I spotted him using a knight’s body to enter.”

“This is bad, really bad,” said Gondar as he reassesses the story, rethinking the facts.

“We have to organize a plan to seize control of the obelisk,” urge Razzil as though he had this idea in his head for a long time already.

“What?” said the bewildered bounty hunter, it was then that Mangix made an intrusion, “His right, we could destroy the obelisks and stop them from getting stronger, but we can’t stop them from winning,”

“Good you’re awake,” said Razzil as he helps lift the panda up in an upright position.

“But the power that fuels the obelisk is unknown, it could even be the Legion’s power, using that would taint us all,” said Gondar has he refused to accept that idea.

“It is a last resort, we are outnumbered and outmatched, we are weakening, new and skilled recruits are hard to come by. Let’s face the truth, the chances of being victorious in this war are dropping every single day,” said Mangix as he emphasizes the last sentence.

Again the bounty hunter was intruded in this argument, as he heard a rumbling sound that came from the darker parts of the cave.

Gondar stood up, unsheathes his blades, faced the noise and shouted like silence didn’t matter anymore, “Armed yourselves, I just found out why they chase us into this cave.”

Ghouls began blocking the exit of the cave, their inhuman moans were getting louder and louder, but the roar that came from inside the cave washed them out. It came nearer and nearer to the fire, the three Sentinels stood up, weapon at the ready.

They met a giant, a giant, monstrous ghoul.
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Posted on Tue Dec 08, 2009 2:03 am

just keep going on ~!! very nice
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Posted on Tue Dec 08, 2009 2:05 am

Thanks.
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