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The Run of a Lifetime (my entry for Writer's Block)

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RzfX


Mega Kill Posts: 577 Joined: 06 Oct 2008 32026 gold

The Run of a Lifetime (my entry for Writer's Block)

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 11:39 am

This quite a long entry since I didn't want to split it into chapters though I hope you'll have the patience to read it.
___________________________________

The fans in the local stadium roared as the favorite finished first in the 200 meter dash while setting a new record of 35 seconds. Of course, when compared to the world record setters, this was a minor accomplishment; but to 17 year old Harry Thompson, it was the best thing he ever experienced. For this young man, there was nothing better than the thrill, the adrenaline rush of running like the wind. When he ran, there would always be a look of sheer bliss on his face, as if he were free from all the burdens of the world. This was his first run, and it would not be his last.

When Harry was 14, he was chased by a pack of rabid dogs. And so he ran like never before for the sake of his life; he ran the whole half kilometer home and felt a new kind of vitality inside himself instead of the fear of having his life at stake. And that is how it all began.

The one thing that set Harry apart from all the rest of the runners was that he lived with the poorest of the poor in their town by himself in a small house at the edge of the slums. In fact, he did not know much about the world around him. He lived only with what he picked up from his friend who, to him, was his brother for his real family abandoned him from birth. Harry’s hair was short, straight and black, his clothes were old, tattered and brown from the mud but his brown eyes always gleamed with hope.

This situation left him unable to run in the local competition for the next few years but he never really complained or said anything about it to anyone except for his best friend as well as the person he called his brother, Greg Reyes. Greg was like Harry but his hair was a lighter color of brown and his eyes were blue. They were of the same age and grew up with each other, experiencing what the other did all their lives.

“Greg, you know, I really wish that I could join the local running competitions, you know?”

“Don’t worry, Harry. There is always hope, even for us here… which reminds me of something I wanted to ask you.”

“Ask away.”

“What do you need to enter those competitions?”

Harry paused for a second to think and then replied, “All I know is that you need rubber shoes, running attire and a registration fee.”

Greg suddenly smiled and replied, “Harry, come with me, I want to show you something.”

Greg entered his house which was really more like a shelter made of sheet metal and a few hollow blocks and came out a few moments later with a pair of rubber shoes. They were quite old, but still very usable.

“Here you go, Harry,” he said with a smile on his face.

“Are… are you sure about giving these to me, Greg? These shoes are your treasure, you said it yourself!”

“Go on and take them Harry for what good is a treasure if you can’t even use it to help out a friend?”

Harry, with teary eyes, took the rubber shoes from Greg but could not find the words to thank him.

Greg nodded and said, “All you need now is running attire and a registration fee!”

One thing led to another and Harry eventually found himself with running attire given by the more generous people of the middle class community. And since he was from the slums, they did not require a registration fee from him. So after such a long time of waiting, he finally had the chance.

Harry’s first run was also the first local event during that summer. And from that day onward, whenever there was a competition in running, Harry would always be present to compete. For his dream was to be good enough to compete in the nationals. With his passion, he became better and better, beating his own records time and time again. When he turned 18, a visitor in a sharp, black suit arrived.

“Good Afternoon, is Harry Thompson around?” the mysterious man asked the town guide.

“He is in the stadium, sir. What do you need from him?”

“I’m Scott Williams, an organizer of the National Competition. I’m here to see if he is qualified to enter the competition.”

“Right this way, sir.”

The town guide escorted Mr. Williams to the stadium and when they arrived, Harry was in the middle of a practice run. When he finished, the town guide called his attention.

“Harry, this is Mr. Scott Williams, he’s here to see if you are qualified to run in the nationals.”

Harry’s eyes widened and had a look of shock on his face, “The… the Nationals?”

“That’s right Harry. Please tell me when you’re ready to run so I can see if you’re worthy of joining.”

Harry had no second thoughts and readied himself to run despite that he had just done so a few moments ago.

Mr. Williams drew a stopwatch from his pocket and gave Harry the “go” signal.

With that, Harry blazed through the track, pushing himself to the limit like never before. It was the way he did things every time there was a competition; he would always push himself a little more but it was the key behind his progressive success. Every part of his body moved as one and it was quite the sight to behold. He tripped as he reached the end of a hundred meters with a time of 17 seconds. He turned to see that the old rubber shoes that Greg gave him finally gave in.

A tear rolled down his face as he picked up the rubber shoes from the ground.

“Harry, what’s wrong? You qualified for the Nationals!”

Harry felt some joy in his heart as he heard that he qualified but the feeling was overwhelmed by the sorrow of breaking the rubber shoes of the person he saw as his brother.

“Don’t worry; we can get you new ones!” Mr. Williams consoled.

But Harry shook his head and said, “With all due respect sir, I want to run using these shoes…”

Mr. Williams nodded and said, “Then we’ll find a way to fix them, Harry.”

The shoes were fixed a month before the Nationals but a bigger problem came up: Harry’s condition. He suddenly fell very ill two weeks before the competition; he was burning up, coughing out blood and couldn’t move his body at all so Greg and his family let him rest in their rickety house for whatever it was worth.

“Don’t worry, Harry, the doctor is on his way here now.”

“Thanks… Greg…”

“Don’t speak, you need to-”

“Is Harry Thompson here?” said a spectacled man in white clothes and a small bag.

“Yes, doctor, he’s right here.”

“Ah, very well, let’s check up on him.”

Multiple moments of absolute silence flew by as the doctor checked Harry thoroughly, trying to find out the cause for his illness. And then, he finally spoke up, “Harry will be just fine, he just needs to take this medicine and have a lot of rest,” he said as he placed a small bottle of medicinal capsules on the old table by Harry’s bedside.

“Please just answer me one thing, doctor… Will I be able to compete… in the Nationals?”

The doctor bowed down his head, placed his hand on his eyes and said, “Harry… as much as I want you to compete… you will not be able to do so.”

A deathly silence filled the room at what the doctor said.

Harry, with tears streaming down his face, then said, “I… understand, thank you for coming, doctor.”

As the doctor quietly left, Greg said, “Are you ok, Harry?”

Harry coughed and said, “Yes, I am… even if I can’t compete… I knew that my dreams were never meant to come true…”

Greg had a look of agitation as he said, “Don’t say that, Harry! We may be poor, heck, the poorest of the poor but look how far you’ve gotten now! Remember that there is always hope!”

Harry couldn’t answer to that, the hope in his eyes seemed to falter and Greg just continued, “If you give up now, everything we’ve done would’ve been wasted!”

Harry stayed silent then Greg finally said, “Fine! You can stay here and lose hope but I will not give up for you! I will find a way for you to compete in the Nationals!”

The days passed by and Greg still could not find the miracle cure he was looking for but he continued to persevere. Finally, two days before the competition, Greg went to the doctor and told him about the whole situation.

“I can’t live with that boy’s hopes crushed! I realize that there is always a next time for these kinds of competitions but Harry might just lose his will to live if he doesn’t but I can’t allow him to just go out there either… agh, this is a dilemma,” said the doctor as he bowed down his head slightly.

“I’ve heard from my parents that you’ve been working on some kind of ‘miracle cure’ for this kind of situation, doctor,” said Greg, his eyes gleaming with so much hope that the doctor could not possibly just stand there and do nothing.

“Ah, yes, there is still that option but it is risky as we’ve not mastered it yet. The side effects may be devastating.”

“But at this rate, he may just die out, doctor!”

“I understand. Please give this to him on the morning of the competition. I can recommend that he will be able to run on that afternoon but I cannot say what will happen after.”

"I am sure that Harry would not mind the side effects, doctor. His ambition is too powerful for that," he said with a smile of pure joy.

Greg thanked the doctor, and ran off the tell Harry about the medicine.

On the morning of the competition, Greg sat by Harry’s bedside with the medicine in his hand.

“Harry, you realize that this may have really bad effects on you, right?”

“No side effect can be worse than lying down in bed, unable to do anything.”

Greg nodded and gave Harry the medicine. He swallowed it and like a miracle, he stood up and was jumping up and down like nothing was ever wrong with him at all.

That afternoon, everyone was assembled in the track oval including Harry with Greg’s rubber shoes, the running outfit he received from the community and the gleaming hope in his eyes.

There were five of them on the track that day but Harry felt as if he was the only one there for he knew that the only thing there was the finish line, the goal, the fulfillment of his dreams.

The official gave fired his pistol towards the sky and with that, everyone was off.

Harry blazed through the track, pushing himself to the limit like never before. It was the way he did things every time there was a competition; he would always push himself a little more but it was the key behind his progressive success and this time, he would reach the peak of success… but at what cost?

Harry did finish first, setting a record of 27 second for a 200 meter dash but as he raised his hands into the air, he lost his footing and fell on the track. The medicine had lost its effect and his vision started going blurry until he finally blacked out.

He woke up some time later and found himself in a new place that was whiter and purer than anywhere else. This place was one where conflict, pain, sickness and such did not exist. He walked a few steps forward and a man much larger than him appeared. All the man said was, “You are in a better place now, my son.”

Greg, from a darker area of the stadium, looked on as his friend lay there on the ground, lifeless. A tear rolled down his face as he looked up and happily said, "Please take good care of him."
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Last edited by RzfX on Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:40 pm; edited 1 time in total


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TheGunslinger


Warnings : 2 Beyond Godlike Posts: 2607 Joined: 25 Jun 2008 55444 gold

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:02 pm

Nice story RzfX! This certanly does fit the theme, although loosly, but it still fits.

The thing that I did not like is that it was....predictable. I just knew that he was going to SPOILER win the race and die at the end SPOILER since its kinda cliche.
Also, the dialgue with the doctor seamed kinda rushed...maybe you should rewrite it.


I liked the fact that you managed to fit into the theme, while still straying quite far from the concept of the cinderella story. Also, the thing with the shoes was realy heartwarming.
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RzfX


Mega Kill Posts: 577 Joined: 06 Oct 2008 32026 gold

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:28 pm

I'm sorry about the conversation but you know, a wall of text isn't exactly appealing so I tried to shorten it without cutting out too much of the main thing.
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TheGunslinger


Warnings : 2 Beyond Godlike Posts: 2607 Joined: 25 Jun 2008 55444 gold

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:31 pm

I know, I know...the wall is death. But you should realy rewrite it when you have time...just so it all looks better overall. The main reson why it sounds rushed is because its only what they are speaking - you could add something, for example, how they fealt while they were speaking it, or in what manner they spoke it and so on...
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RzfX


Mega Kill Posts: 577 Joined: 06 Oct 2008 32026 gold

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:42 pm

I edited that part slightly like you recommended. It does look better now, without really adding so much bulk to it.
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TheGunslinger


Warnings : 2 Beyond Godlike Posts: 2607 Joined: 25 Jun 2008 55444 gold

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 12:49 pm

Yeah, it does. Its good to add those things to a dialogue, because you can tell a lot about the characters feelings withouth using many words.
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Hacker21110


Dominating Posts: 108 Joined: 11 May 2009 4414 gold

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:12 pm

Could I join the writer block competition? How could I join, no time to search, using phone to type
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TheGunslinger


Warnings : 2 Beyond Godlike Posts: 2607 Joined: 25 Jun 2008 55444 gold

Posted: Mon Jun 29, 2009 2:15 pm

All is explained here - http://www.dotastrategy.com/forum/ftopic21560.html - but its a little late already...
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keybi


Warnings : 6 Mega Kill Posts: 794 Joined: 07 Feb 2009 33226 gold

Posted: Sat Jul 04, 2009 12:22 pm

Best fanfic/story that I read for my whole life yet.
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varunshenoyg


Godlike Posts: 2364 Joined: 16 Dec 2007 60925 gold

Posted: Mon Jul 06, 2009 2:12 am

Now this is more like what I had in mind when I gave the Cinderella theme to this competition: Everyone else focussed on the classic fairy tale whereas only you recognised what the meaning of "a cinderella story" is: Kudos!
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keybi


Warnings : 6 Mega Kill Posts: 794 Joined: 07 Feb 2009 33226 gold

Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2009 12:41 pm

Your right.

Hope the one deserves wins!
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maxxinator


Monster Kill Posts: 333 Joined: 02 Dec 2008 8479 gold

Posted: Wed Jul 15, 2009 4:04 pm

I'm sorry, but 35 seconds for an 18 year old? I got 29.1 when i was 13 on the 200 meter dash...
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RzfX


Mega Kill Posts: 577 Joined: 06 Oct 2008 32026 gold

Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:38 am

maxxinator wrote:
I'm sorry, but 35 seconds for an 18 year old? I got 29.1 when i was 13 on the 200 meter dash...


I'm not much of a track and field guy myself and besides, what do you expect? It's just a story; not everything has to be realistic despite it having a realistic plot.
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varunshenoyg


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Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 9:55 am

Its a cinderella story, so timings are excused Laughing
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TheGunslinger


Warnings : 2 Beyond Godlike Posts: 2607 Joined: 25 Jun 2008 55444 gold

Posted: Thu Jul 16, 2009 10:18 am

maxxinator wrote:
I'm sorry, but 35 seconds for an 18 year old? I got 29.1 when i was 13 on the 200 meter dash...


Who cares anyway? Its a story. Is he supposed to dig up a bunch of info about running and stuff just to be completly realistic? Its a trivial thing, and it isn't important - the message of the story is sucesfully delivered...thats whats important.
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