Jaizur - The Celestial Darkness (July BC Entry)

Jaizur - The Celestial Darkness (July BC Entry)

Posted on Fri Jul 10, 2009 10:10 am

My second entry for July Bard Challenge. Note that this hero is NOT an evil guy. He is a Sentinel.

Jaizur - The Celestial Darkness
Range : 128 | Move Speed : 275
Primary : AGI
Str : 19 + 2.0 | Agi : 22 + 2.3 | Int : 18 + 1.8
Damage : 46 - 50 | HP : 511 | Mana : 234
HP Regen : 0.82 | Mana Regen : 0.73
Attack Speed : 1.4 | Armor : 4

The myriads of angels, guarding and balancing the entities of the universe, are gifted with unique powers. Jaizur, the angel of darkness who was created with pure dark energy, spent an indefinite time maintaining the borders of the sea of darkness from overwhelming the Light. Unlike, his brothers, he was assigned alone. Although, without a close companion, Jaizur carries out his duty with pure motive, remembering the Almighty that created him and he belongs to him. The Almighty finally remembers his long-begotten son and gave him a new, more purposeful assignment. Without any hesitation and with cheer gratefulness, Jaizur accepts it and went forth to Azeroth to aid the righteous ones. For the first time in millenniums, the angel of darkness is able to use his dark powers for the light, to battle against darkness with darkness. He does it with gladness of heart, always remembering the purpose of the One that sent him forth.

Rift Incarnate (R)
Jairzur rip a space within space, creating a living black hole. The rift is controllable and travels at 500 movement speed (MS). It absorbs any enemy units within 200 AOE. After the rift expires, enemy units that survive the damage of the rift will be released on where the rift was.
Level 1 - Rift deals 170 damage. Lasts 3 seconds.
Level 2 - Rift deals 210 damage. Lasts 3.5 seconds
Level 3 - Rift deals 250 damage. Lasts 4 seconds
Level 4 - Rift deals 290 damage. Lasts 4.5 seconds
Rift is invulnerable. Upon being absorbed, damage are dealt. Absorbed enemy units become invulnerable but unable to attack or cast magic. Absorb maximum 5 units.
Mana Cost : 115/130/145/160
Cooldown : 22 seconds
Framework : A controllable medium sized black wisp or Enigma black hole will be suitable.
Notes : Enemy units are still present although being absorbed (this skill is in connection with the ultimate).

Angelic Shadow (C)
Jaizur unleash his dark powers, spreading his dark energy onto surrounding area. Enemy units that is within or steps within this dark plain will have his own shadow turn into a Jaizur illusion and attack him. Only one illusion for each enemy unit. Illusion cannot conjure twice on the same enemy unit within the same dark plain.
Level 1 - Dark plain lasts 4.5 seconds. Enemy units will be slowed by 10% MS & AS. Illusion deals 35% damage and take 185% damage. 500 AOE.
Level 2 - Dark plain lasts 5 seconds. Enemy units will be slowed by 11% MS & AS. Illusion deals 40% damage and take 175% damage. 500 AOE.
Level 3 - Dark plain lasts 5.5 seconds. Enemy units will be slowed by 12% MS & AS. Illusion deals 45% damage and take 165% damage. 500 AOE.
Level 4 - Dark plain lasts 6 seconds. Enemy units will be slowed by 13% MS & AS. Illusion deals 50% damage and take 155% damage. 500 AOE.
Illusions will immediately conjure if enemy units are within the dark plain. Illusions will immediately fade/expire as soon the dark plain lasted.
Mana Cost : 120/130/140/150
Cooldown : 24 seconds
Framework : 500 area around Jaizur will turn black just like Spectre’s dagger path appearance but in a circular area. The principle of how this skill works is also like Pit Lord’s Pit of Malice (2nd skill).
Notes : This is not a target skill. Dark plain is appears like (for example) when you activate Centaur Warchief’s Warstomp (1st skill).

Shadow Speed (D)
Gravity has no hold on Jaizur’s dark energetic body. For each distance he takes, the faster he becomes. Upon reaching maximum movement speed of 522, Jaizur’s wings will spread and he is able to fly (Activates Wings of Darkness ability.
Level 1 - For every 400 distance travelled, Jaizur gain 7% MS.
Level 2 - For every 350 distance travelled, Jaizur gain 7% MS.
Level 3 - For every 300 distance travelled, Jaizur gain 7% MS.
Level 4 - For every 250 distance travelled, Jaizur gain 7% MS.
For every 2 second Jaizur remains idle, he will lose 40% of his increased MS gradually until it returns to his normal MS.
Mana Cost : N/A
Cooldown : N/A
Framework : A dark aura amimation like QoP’s (when she equips an Aghanim). The aura becomes more obvious the faster he moves.
Notes : See Discussion section for Wings of Darkness ability.

Dark Presence (D)
Jaizur’s body is made of pure dark energy. He absorbs surrounding light. Enemy units nearing Jaizur will continually lose light radius but Jaizur will gain light radius. Work by only with the presence of heroes (allied and enemy). Passive aura.
Level 1 - Enemy heroes will lose 2% light radius EACH SECOND. Jaizur gains 6% light radius, IAS and damage for EACH HERO or ILLUSIONS present within 800 AOE.
Level 2 - Enemy heroes will lose 3% light radius EACH SECOND. Jaizur gains 7% light radius, IAS and damage for EACH HERO or ILLUSIONS present within 900 AOE.
Level 3 - Enemy heroes will lose 4% light radius EACH SECOND. Jaizur gains 8% light radius, IAS and damage for EACH HERO or ILLUSIONS present within 1000 AOE.
Enemy units (hero and creeps) can lose up to maximum 50% light radius. Since Jaizur himself is a hero, this skill works on him (for the purpose of this skill is not useless without other heroes present around Jaizur).
Mana Cost : N/A
Cooldown : N/A
Framework : Enemy units light radius will slowly fade. If there are 10 heroes (+ illusions) present (including Jaizur), Jaizur will have 180% light radius, IAS and damage.
Notes : This skill is somehow related to Rift Incarnate (1st skill).

Discussion :

Wings of Darkness
Upon attaining movement speed of 522, Jaizur’s wings will spread, exposing his true form. He will be able to fly through cliffs and obstacles. For every certain distance he moves, he will deal minor damage to surrounding enemy units at 300 AOE.
Level 1 - Deals 70 AOE damage for every 200 distance travelled. Lasts 10 seconds.
Level 2 – Deals 80 AOE damage for every 200 distance travelled. Lasts 10 seconds.
Level 3 - Deals 90 AOE damage for every 200 distance travelled. Lasts 10 seconds.
Level 4 - Deals 100 AOE damage for every 200 distance travelled. Lasts 10 seconds.
Framework : Jaizur will have his wings appear and his movement will be floating just like Batrider’s Firefly (3rd skill).
Manacost : 200
Cooldown : 30 seconds
Notes : This skill’s levelling reflects directly on how many points you apply on Shadow Speed. This skill also works with any other means that increase your MS to 522 (E.g. Haste rune).

Artwork :

"Hmm, why isn't my blade shining? Oh yes, I'm the Angel of Darkness, how can my blade shine. Silly me."

Conclusion :
This hero is related to my Cyrus – The Celestial Being hero idea. I do not know what I did that recently people ceased to comment on my latest hero idea anymore. Please guys, if you think there is anything worth to express, please do so. I would want to improve my idea through your suggestions. I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I hate the increasing bumping on comments.

EDIT 10/7/2009: Nerfed Rift Incarnate (1st skill) lasting time. Buffed Dark Presence (ultimate) for benefits gained with the presence illusions.
EDIT 16/7/2009: Added a maximum capacity of units being absorbed by Rift Incarnate (1st skill) and lowered its cooldown; lowered the losing of MS time being idle from 2.5 - 2. Lowered the distance of damage dealt of Wings of Darkness from 300 to 200.
_________________
my life is filled with leavers, noobs, dumbasses and people that doesn't seem to know what good manners are!

Here are my hero ideas:
Keax- The Annoyer
Cyrus- The Celestial Being
Jaizur- The Celestial Darkness

Last edited by keatman on Thu Jul 16, 2009 3:33 am; edited 9 times in total

Back to top

Posted on Fri Jul 10, 2009 1:54 pm

now this sucks. after i posted this hero then i notice the currently approved hero idea at the hero idea section have one similar skill with one above. damn it!
_________________
my life is filled with leavers, noobs, dumbasses and people that doesn't seem to know what good manners are!

Here are my hero ideas:
Keax- The Annoyer
Cyrus- The Celestial Being
Jaizur- The Celestial Darkness

Back to top

Posted on Fri Jul 10, 2009 4:55 pm

ill comment later...here's an icon for your hero...next time...visit my shop if u want more...

_________________

Want to be a VIP!? Help on the cause

I don't like you, what can you do about it?

Back to top

Posted on Fri Jul 10, 2009 5:08 pm

- the ulti is ok for normal purpose and terrifying for towers in combination with a sniper. You provide the intel, sniper provides the damage. tower down in notime!

- 3. skill: reduce the time you have to be idle to 1 or 1.5 seconds, because otherwise you will allways be running and patroling around, to stay at 522 ms. with the time reduced to 1 or 1.5 seconds, you will lose your ms when you engage in combat, but regain it when fleeing or charging. nothing to complain about the second effect. as you said, its baisically firefly.

- 2. skill: it's a shorter version of wall of replica. so compared to the wall, your shadowcircle thingy lasts for much shorter time, but on the other hand your images deal more damage and take less (wall of replica: Images take 250% damage and deal 35%.) but as i said the duration is a mere fifth of the wall, so ballanced i think.

- 1. skill: ( i chose to write about this last, because it's the only thing i find a little bit imballanced)
you could compare it to astral imprisonment from obsidian destroyer.
BUT whereas the astral prison lasts for 4 seconds on level 4, while dealing no damage, your skill lasts for 5.5 seconds combined with 170 damage on the FIRST level.
do you realy lane against a hero, who can disable you for whole 5.5 seconds right at the start of the game?
well... this skill takes a lot of mana to be spammed, but whit a int gain of 1.8 and the right items, you can spam it quiet often... (alternatively take a KotL as partner).
furthermore: you can disable a whole team with this!
imagine: magnataure casts his polarity, you cast your lvl. 4 spell
=> 7 seconds of crushing towers! and now: add a Naga to this!

and last: you can also MOVE your opponents while inside the wisp thingy!
best case for your team: clash in the middle (right in the river) magnus casts ulti, you pick up the whole team, and move your wisp to one of the no escape spot (those mountain thingys, or just in the middle of a forest).
=> whole team is disabled because of no escape possibillity! (well... -unstuck or so will teleport you to the fountain, but this takes one whole minute!)
or, while being pushed to your throne/tree, just move them inside your own fountain area!

i would suggest to erast the possibillity to move your opponents with the wisp, and change the disable, that you're not disabled until the rift disappeares, but to 1/2/3/4 seconds after being sucked into it.


but all in all: good idea, nice concept and i would like to see this hero in action


edit:/
"Hmm, why isn't my blade shining? Oh yes, I'm the Angel of Darkness, how can my blade shine. Silly me."
LOL... just L - O - L
_________________
Hi, I'm Scissors.
Paper's fine, nerf Rock!
----
none of my posts are meant as an offend to any of you.

feel free, to comment and rate my hero idea: Sebrimir - The Librarian

Back to top

Posted on Fri Jul 10, 2009 5:57 pm

@dare18
ah, thank you very much. i wanted to do something on the background of the icons like you did but just too lazy to find that...'background thing'. anyway, what shop r u talking about?

@yendorc
very good feedback you provided. i was worrying that ppl dont understand what my skills does or my english suck that they dont comment on my hero idea anymore. but if you understand it 100%, what a relief. thank you.

the rift incarnate (1st skill) - i was thinking of the same thing as you when i was brainstorming for this skill. the reason i put 7 sec duration is because when you activate this skill it appear right infront of jaizur. so, you need to control it for it to reach the enemy units. the time taken to reach the enemy units is counted as the lasting time before the rift expires. perhaps it is imba as the way you reasoned it. ok, i will nerf the lasting time and MS of the rift. btw, the rift dont go through cliffs or trees (did i mention that is phased rift in the description?). the original purpose of this skill is to synergize with the Angelic Shadow (2nd skill). send the rift and suck enemy units, bring them back to where jaizur is and he activate his angelic shadow.

after your mentioned the 3rd skill, i feel that it has no synergy with the ultimate and it is underpowered. now, gonna buff it ;p.

thankz again.
_________________
my life is filled with leavers, noobs, dumbasses and people that doesn't seem to know what good manners are!

Here are my hero ideas:
Keax- The Annoyer
Cyrus- The Celestial Being
Jaizur- The Celestial Darkness

Back to top

Posted on Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:16 pm

This shop

Anyways...here's my review

1st skill: about the damage...is it initial ? you should let us know that damaged unit cant be damaged again and so forth...and...it's a walking blackhole combined with vacumm...tell use the MS of the absorb...or..is it instant absorb ?

2nd skill: this one is cool...original...but...reduce the damage dealt...it's too big...or...if u wanna keep that as if...reduce the duration...then...it will be good.

3rd skill: idk what's this for...to keep the theme ? or cant think about something else ?

ult: this works with view...right ? this is a good escape skill...but...too weird to be an ult...will the enemies gain vision when they're away ? what's the AoE ?

Concept: idk...a fallen angel ?
Originality: pretty good
Synergy: lol...the synergy is unique
Overall: u need to clear the explanation...so more ppl can understand and dont give mis-review...

just my thoughts
_________________

Want to be a VIP!? Help on the cause

I don't like you, what can you do about it?

Back to top

Posted on Fri Jul 10, 2009 6:36 pm

@dare18

1st skill - of course it is an instant absorb. what do you mean that enemy unit cant be damaged again?

2nd skill - it states there dark plain the last at lvl 4, 6 seconds. 6 seconds of of illusion that deals 50% attack damage isnt really painful (unless it is end game). perhaps i will add "illusions will expire as soon as the dark plain expires" later on.

3rd skill - why you dont like this skill? to be honest it is the latter one u mentioned is the reason but it is still fitting to the theme and synergy...right?

ultimate - lol, why it cant be the ultimate skill? the AOE (1000) is mentioned in the description. of course the enemy will gain back their vision. you dont expect them to permanently lose 50% light radius, dont you?

he is not a fallen angel. read the story dudeeee.

thankz for commenting anyway.
_________________
my life is filled with leavers, noobs, dumbasses and people that doesn't seem to know what good manners are!

Here are my hero ideas:
Keax- The Annoyer
Cyrus- The Celestial Being
Jaizur- The Celestial Darkness

Back to top

Posted on Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:33 am

that is it! if no one is going to even comment on this and my cyrus idea, i m gonna stop inventing ideas.
_________________
my life is filled with leavers, noobs, dumbasses and people that doesn't seem to know what good manners are!

Here are my hero ideas:
Keax- The Annoyer
Cyrus- The Celestial Being
Jaizur- The Celestial Darkness

Back to top

Posted on Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:42 am

I make lots of heroes and don't even get one comment on them.
_________________

Back to top

Posted on Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:43 am

u do, in fact, have lots of comments
_________________
my life is filled with leavers, noobs, dumbasses and people that doesn't seem to know what good manners are!

Here are my hero ideas:
Keax- The Annoyer
Cyrus- The Celestial Being
Jaizur- The Celestial Darkness

Back to top

Posted on Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:44 am

My flesh golem hero was rare. Usually I get 0-3 comments on a hero at best.
_________________

Back to top

Posted on Mon Jul 13, 2009 3:55 am

look at the bigger picture. ppl are still giving proper suggestions and feedback. my cyrus and keax was the worst of all. a total nth for the price of few days brainstorming and effort. *sigh*
_________________
my life is filled with leavers, noobs, dumbasses and people that doesn't seem to know what good manners are!

Here are my hero ideas:
Keax- The Annoyer
Cyrus- The Celestial Being
Jaizur- The Celestial Darkness

Back to top

Reply to topic - Quick Reply
Page 1 of 1    



View previous topic   View next topic
All times are GMT

Display posts from previous:  All Posts1 Day7 Days2 Weeks1 Month3 Months6 Months1 Year Oldest FirstNewest First 

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum

Jump to:  Select a forum General----------------AnnouncementsWelcome BoothBugs & SuggestionsRules and Regulations Dota Allstars----------------Latest ReleasesQuestions and AnswersHeroesItemsGeneral DiscussionsDotA BugsDream HeroesDream ItemsDotA ReplaysPremium DotA ReplaysThe LibraryThe Crystal Ball Chit Chat----------------EtceteraOther GamesFan Fiction Playing Online----------------Organized GamesHamachi Servers Graphics----------------Graphics CenterGFX Competitions Archives----------------Dota Allstars ArchivesChitChat ArchivesDS Surveys

DotaStrategy.com Forum Index    .    Dream Heroes