Prodigous Misery (July-Aug Writer's Block entry)

Prodigous Misery (July-Aug Writer's Block entry)

Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 1:02 am

Ok I managed to get this done and since the scoring had no criteria for character development, I took the liberty of making this story pretty short for my usual standards.. Its a 4 chapter story, and I present chapter 1 right now. I request any feedback to be told here itself:-

Chapter 1: Meeting

The weather was harsh, of that there was no doubt. Howling winds and falling ice with the occasional sleet made walking very difficult in the streets, let alone the small path in the woods that the two children were treading upon. On hindsight it may seem that these kids knew exactly where they were going, but there was only one path in the nearby surroundings and night was falling fast. If there was a guardian angel, he was sure taking a vacation in this case: The two kids were jogging – no, running – to get shelter for the night. They were about 18, and identical twins at that! But when you are lost in the forest in the winter night, it’s immaterial how old you are…

Just as all hope seemed faint, they spied in the distance an old house, in near ruins. But a beggar is no chooser and they made their way towards it – Just as well for it was beginning to rain as well creating a slush everywhere! They hoped against hope to find someone inhabiting the house, it was 3 stories tall and must have been pretty majestic in its time. Wait- A light!

A lamp was switched on somewhere in the first floor and the light made the kids all excited: Not because they thought of supernatural phenomena, they were too old for ghost stories, but because they knew there was someone there and maybe that person would give them shelter for the night. They went to the front door and found an antique style wooden knocker on the door. Using it created a noise louder than they anticipated, and they jumped in fright – Of the noise, not of ghosts: They were too old for ghost stories!

They could hear someone coming down a flight of stairs, and soon the door rumbled open with the sound typical of cracking wood splinters. They rushed in and were immediately blinded by the light of a lamp right on their faces. A high-pitched old voice came from somewhere behind it “Hello children! Are you lost??”
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 5:34 am

Wow!

I wanna know what will happen to those boys.
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Posted: Sun Jul 26, 2009 6:33 am

Hmmm I was thinking of posting a chapter a day, its just 4 chapters.. Anyway time to post second chapter but where the fcuk are all the readers???

Chapter 2: Enlightenment

A toothless grin met them and at this point the kids were happy for any company. It was an old man, with a bald pate and skin so smooth it was near impossible to guess his age except to put it somewhere between 60-80. It couldn’t be more than 100, for he would be then a ghost and they were too old for ghost stories! They were too exhausted and cold tell their tale to their host right now so they retired in front of an old fireplace with warm cocoa to warm them up while the weather outside continued to worsen. After 20 mins the kids began to feel normal again and were ready to talk except for one thing: The old man didn’t want to listen! For he was very lonely and he wanted to tell them a tale - His tale…

If they weren’t totally lost and despondent about finding their way back, the kids would have figured out that the conditions were near perfect for stories: A storm outside, a warm fireplace inside sipping hot cocoa, all that was missing was a good tale and voila- They were getting it… The following account is what the kids later described to people as what the old man told them:-

“I was born Hector Denbigh in Manchester, England. Life was good back then with my dad being the local trader-merchant and bringing back home a good deal of bread n’ bacon. I was a good student in school and the first 25 years of my life went so fast I hardly remember any huge event of consequence. When I had turned 25, I inherited my father’s business and it was a fine day in the spring time that she came into the store…

Now I was no angel, and I had seen my share of pretty girls around but this was no mere girl. She was an angel, and a fully mature woman at that. Polite introductions got me her name, Martha Newman, and I was at once a believer of the old saying Love at first sight. My dad’s connections helped but I did my part in the eventual wooing which ultimately led me in a year’s time at her parent’s home to ask for her hand in marriage. It was heaven on earth for me at that time and she became Martha Denbigh in August of that year. I could have asked for little more when she bore me a handsome boy the very day I turned 27: After all how many proud father’s can say their son shares the birthday with them??

Named Noah Denbigh, he was the apple of my eye. Now I may sound curmudgeonly here but he was the most talented boy in the neighbourhood: He could dance, was at the top of his class, rode the cycle like a professional and all the time he was growing up, he never let his feelings for his parents shut up private. We loved him for that, and by the time he was 21, I had no regrets in life whatsoever – Until that fateful day I can remember like it was yesterday…
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Posted: Tue Jul 28, 2009 1:14 am

Hey never thought I had to double post in order to post a fan-fic chapter

Chapter 3: Misery

The day began like most other days, but it was special for our home- I was 50 and my son was 23 years old. If that was not enough, Noah was finally about to introduce to us the girl he was seeing for the last 5 months and was pretty serious about. I was probably more nervous than he at the time, but then I had no inkling of the disaster due in the near future. Oh I am jumping ahead of myself here, anyway to cut a long story short we met Elizabeth that evening and we were pleased for our son although my wife later confessed to me that she didn’t entirely like Elizabeth- There were clearly some negative vibes coming off from her but I shrugged them off as natural parental instincts coming when the only sibling is about to leave them to start a family of his own.

As the days went by, it seemed evident Noah was wrapped around Elizabeth’s little finger but I foolishly mistook it as strong love. I should have realised something was going on when Noah came home one night to announce that he was getting married the very next day! No prior warning given, all my attention went to making the day the most special one in his life and it was later that I realised I was losing my son, losing him to his wife.

I gifted him as a present a home in the city, not too far from here so that he could visit us often. The first 4-5 months saw no news from him, but that was normal for newlyweds. But then it began to be evident that we had to initiate contact and so we left for his home to pay a visit after 10 months had passed with no news from him. We left early in the morning and took a fancy-cab ride, the horse was a strong mare and she made good time to reach us to our destination in the early afternoon. It was a short walk from the cab station and it did our old legs good exercise.

Alas that the only pain to befall us that day was not from the legs alone! Arriving upon the house we saw an “Available on Sale” sign on the door and no sign of Noah anywhere. In fact it was clear no one had resided in the place for some time. I don’t expect you to understand the anguish we felt that moment and Martha was never the same after that day. Enquiring with the neighbours got us nothing as the house was vacant for the last 6 months. Evidently our son didn’t want us to know about him and with a heavy heart we returned back, consoling each other on the way back.

Martha gave up on living and in 3 months time she left this world forever. Sigh… I still wonder sometimes what it was that we did wrong, and if we did do nothing wrong then why we were subjected to such pain. If there is a God above, then he is not kind to everyone equally – He sure isn’t!”

With that the old man stopped talking and wept silently. The boys, not knowing what to do, went back downstairs and found two couches on which to spend the night upon. The storm was beginning to clear and hopefully they could get a cab from the place the old man had told them about earlier.
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Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 1:41 am

I know I could have just edited the last post to include the final chapter but bleh: Since no one cares I will just triple post!

Chapter 4: Departure

The kids woke up to the sun shining down on their faces through the windows. The old man was nowhere to be found and for one moment they wondered if all that happened last night was a delusion; it couldn’t be a ghost for they were too old for ghost stories! They woke up to find the old man in the kitchen upstairs preparing breakfast for them, and after a hearty meal they went back downstairs.

The old man began to apologise for his lamenting and told them it was not often he had company, and that the kids reminded him of his son when he was of their age. Being a bad host the last night, he finally got around to asking them of their purpose in wandering around in the woods. The following account is what the old man later described to people as what the kids told him:-

“Our father had recently passed away leaving us orphans, for our mother had expired in child birth. We never knew her but from what our dad told us- She was a great person. We stayed in the rented house there while our dad and a nanny took care of us till we became old enough to return back to the city nearby. That must have been about 12 years ago, and our father never remarried out of respect of our mother. We never had any other family; none atleast that our father mentioned to us. Growing up in the city was routine with many kids of our age group giving us company.

About a year ago our father took ill from an yet unknown disease and by the time it was diagnosed, it was too late and he had very little time to live. He told us of our birth, how our mother was not having a normal birth and they had to move away to the nearby county for precautions but to no avail. He told us of our family and how he tried to contact them after returning but couldn’t. We were trying to contact our friends in the city who might have known more about any possible aunts or uncles we have when we got lost last night and ended up here.”

It was nearing noon now and the old man decided it was time they went their way to the city. He wished them luck in finding their relatives- more luck than he ever had! He got a cab for them and as he was bidding them farewell he remembered he had never really asked their names at all.

“What are your names, young men? Maybe I can help you by asking my friends for anyone who might be your relatives…”

“I am Richard and my brother is John. It was good meeting you, kind sir, especially since we shared more than a night together.” Said one of the kids.

“What do you mean by that?” Asked the old man.

“Well it’s a little strange but my full name is Richard Denbigh…”

WAIT! IF YOU ARE SATISFIED BY THIS ENDING THEN READ NO FURTHER.. HOWEVER I DECIDED TO GIVE RESPECT TO MY ORIGINAL STORY AND MAKE AN ALTERNATE, ALBEIT, MORE PREDICTABLE ENDING:-

"Well isn't that a coincidence!" Said the old man "Ah the cab is here, it was great spending time with you children: An old man gets pretty lonely out here in the woods. Please do visit me whenever you can, and hope you find what you are looking for."

The kids got into the cab and as they sped along the road to the city, John turned over to his brother and spoke "I say Richard, wasn't that sweet old man a lot like our dad? He even looked like him!"

"I know, and if we didn't know better he may well have been our dear departed grandfather. I can't forget the expression on poor dad's face when he heard the news of grandpa's death"

"Hey what old man are you two talking about?" Asked the cab driver "That old house back there has been deserted for years now and no one lives anywhere around there! I think you two must have had a hallucination"

They were too old for ghost stories... OR WERE THEY?



All-righty then! Its done and lemme know how u felt it, if anyone reads it that is
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Last edited by varunshenoyg on Sun Aug 02, 2009 1:39 am; edited 1 time in total

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Posted: Wed Jul 29, 2009 11:57 am

hahaha nice story! i liked it ^^ very cleverly written and nice details with an intriguing story
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Posted: Thu Jul 30, 2009 1:19 am

My second reader
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Posted: Fri Jul 31, 2009 10:00 am

Its nice, although there are some slight style errors, and I realy don't see the need for the phrase "they were too old for ghost stories" repeating itself over and over...but otherwise its a good story, even though the end was kinda obvious...^_^
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Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 1:31 am

I had another ending in mind but since the deadline was coming up soon and none else had posted, I cut a lot out and posted this in hope that others would also participate soon.. Now that phrase "too old for ghost stories" is just an author's easter egg

And as far as this cut story goes: Obvious ending is obvious!
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Posted: Sat Aug 01, 2009 4:09 pm

this is a really good story.! the way it was written, the fluidity, very easy to read.! clap clap clap
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Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2009 1:26 am

Hey thanks a lot! Dohyun says you were a pretty good writer in earlier times, so hoping to see a few of your works here eventually..

P.S Gunman: Making that new ending now! Read it
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Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2009 3:34 am

LOL hahaha epic alternate ending

i liked it!
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Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2009 9:07 am

LOL, nice alternate ending ^_^
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Posted: Sun Aug 02, 2009 11:26 am

the earlier times..? i feel so ancient with that.. hehe
im hoping i can write something here too.,
by th way., i like the alternate ending better..
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Posted: Mon Aug 03, 2009 1:58 am

Haha seems everyone liked the alternate ending better! If I have time, I will incorporate that grand scheme I had planned in a later WG edition..
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