The End of a Friend - Entry for Writer's Block (July - Aug)
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The End of a Friend - Entry for Writer's Block (July - Aug)
Posted on Fri Jul 31, 2009 4:36 amIt was difficult to write a story with a Prodigal Son theme so I made it into a story-poem. There are a few lines later on that do not rhyme but that is to give emphasis on a particular event. Anyway, enough of my blabbering, hope you enjoy.
For the past, I had hoped to repent,
So much time, have I spent.
But by a year was I late,
All those seconds put to waste.
Perhaps you call this fate?
Each has a different story,
Some are blessed with clarity,
Some are just plain blurry.
All I ask is for some time
For I’d like to tell you mine.
Never will I forget the name,
That is Reverend James.
A man who was always in black,
On his word, he never did go back.
A father was he to me,
When I was abandoned at three.
I am called Tyler Grey.
It’s not the best, what can I say?
As a child, I was quite gullible,
But never was I inscrutable.
We stayed at a humble cathedral,
But I was not nervous at all.
There were so many like me.
An orphanage, would it seem.
I learned wrong from right.
And never got into a fight.
It was all thanks to the Reverend
This, I’ll remember to the end
But I was not the best at anything
For mediocrity was stalking
Oh, such effort I gave!
That excellence, I still crave.
In the wee hours of the night,
I would wake up with a fright.
The Reverend, I dreamt about
Telling me to get out and stay out
These wretched dreams,
They did not ever cease.
I wanted to run away,
For I was only getting in the way.
But that Reverend did not stop,
He kept pushing me to the top.
I looked up to that man
But nevertheless, I still ran
Out the cathedral I went
How far, I knew not to what extent.
I found myself a narrow passageway
That was hit by the sun’s rays
Yes it was bereft of darkness,
But I could not remove my sadness.
Three men looking for money,
They only saw me.
I never wanted to fight,
But I could not get out of sight.
To the Reverend, did I apologize,
But he would not hear me, did I realize.
One of the devils pulled out a knife
And so began the fight for my life
I tried to tell them that I had none,
But they insisted I hand over some.
These three could not see
A trivial matter was money.
The knife danced in the air gracefully,
It was beautifully deadly.
So I had to move cleverly.
With a sting, was the knife redirected,
Through the devil’s heart was it injected.
Off the blade tip, the blood dripped.
With shock was I paralyzed,
For I had not only fought, but killed.
It was much later that I realized,
Killing was the field in which I specialized.
Justice was what the Reverend desired.
And so, a group of do-gooders I joined.
Our task was to have crime “removed”
This choice may be despised,
But this is the way I lived.
So time went by in the blink of an eye.
Now, we were feared by crime.
We were the citizens’ allies.
Truly, we were the best, it was no lie.
Deep inside, I still cried.
I did my best, I really tried.
I could no longer keep up with this pace.
I finally decided to return to that place.
Here I stand, in front of the gates.
Over the years, it has kept its traits.
On the door did I knock,
I was only met with looks of shock.
The Reverend disappeared last year.
The children were all frozen with fear,
As the bullet stung him from the rear.
They cried ‘til their last tear.
Here was I in the city, everyone did I defend,
But the one who mattered most, my dearest friend…
I planned to stop killing and remain here in the end.
I only wish he had more time to spend.
For the past, I had hoped to repent,
So much time, have I spent.
But by a year was I late,
All those seconds put to waste.
This is my fate.
I just wanted to make that man proud…
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Last edited by RzfX on Fri Jul 31, 2009 5:46 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Really touching! Pretty much speechless..
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I liked it. Its realy touching, and you even managed to rhyme it(rhyming is harder than it seems, I know that)...but not everyone will understand it...nevertheless, its beautiful. For now, you got my vote(and I think this is gonna win...unless someone else pulls out something more epic...which I doubt will happen.)
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Last edited by TheGunslinger on Mon Dec 21, 2012 0:00 am; edited 666 time in total
Last edited by TheGunslinger on Fri Jul 31, 2009 10:09 am; edited 1 time in total
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just wow...
my heart figuratively stopped while I read this..
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captain_tesca wrote:
just wow...
my heart figuratively stopped while I read this..
my heart LITERALLY stopped! :O
just wow...
my heart figuratively stopped while I read this..
lol, awesome piece again ^^
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it was pretty good., but the inconsistency of the rhyming and measure was a bit annoying...
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bau_HARRY!!! long time no see!
you should continue writing fan fics again ^^_________________
Writer's Block is BACK!
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bau_HARRY wrote:
it was pretty good., but the inconsistency of the rhyming and measure was a bit annoying...
it was pretty good., but the inconsistency of the rhyming and measure was a bit annoying...
It seems to me that construction seems more important to you than the content itself and that's what is really annoying here. Unfortunately, I can't respect your opinion until you show me something better than mine. It has to made by you, of course.
True, you may not think of me as someone worth wasting valuable time on and this message may just be a waste of effort but that's the way I am.
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Woah...RzfX, take it easy....
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Last edited by TheGunslinger on Mon Dec 21, 2012 0:00 am; edited 666 time in total
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This blade of mine dug deep,
Oh, how your blood did seep.
Enter eternal sleep.
This memory, I'll keep.
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amazing, just amazing.
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i didn't say that the content was not important, i did say that it was good, but since it was a poem and it started out in a rhyme, and there was a bit of measure in the earlier parts i find it annoying that it did not carry through the entire story. it was an attempt at a narrative poem, but if we were to be strict it failed in its attempt seeing as there is no consistency. there was rhyme, there was measure then there was free verse and rhyme again and free verse again and blah blah blah..
but still irregardless of everything mentioned above, i am entitled to my opinion, and whether you approve of it or not is beneath me.
and for the record, i find it very immature of you to challenge me. i made a comment, so i have to prove that i have the right to make that comment by making something better than yours.? am i to be treated with hostility if i do not bow down in worship of your fanfic like others.? ⌐⌐.
hello dohyun99.!!! yeah I've been out for a very long time, been busy, looking forward to be active again.. ^^
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@both of you
i have powers and im not afraid to use them; play nice ^^ no more word out of either of you guys, aye? D:<
@bau_HARRY
nice haha! busy with school perhaps?

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Alright, I'm temporarily giving up writing to avoid any comments (positive or negative) at all... In that manner, I'm sure to avoid situations like this. (immaturity glaring again, I know)
I realize that for a 17 year old in 4th year high school, I can still act like a spoiled child. I mean, this is not the first time it happened. But I'll come back to fanfiction only when I lose this immaturity. I don't know how long that will take though...
Anyway, I'll be taking my leave for now. See you guys sometime in the near future (hopefully)
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Remember that the future is not set in stone; it is fluid, ever-changing but what it will turn into is entirely up to you to decide.
If you want to ask me anything, click this link: http://www.formspring.me/TheJoe
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Hey its not immature to dislike criticism of your work, if you weren't then its not human! I can understand you spent a lot of time on that poem and were very proud of the results.. But never confuse it with immaturity n hope you remain active here ok?
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