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RzfX

Mega Kill Posts: 620 Joined: 06 Oct 2008 33897 gold

One Really Messed-up DotA Game

Posted on Sat Sep 26, 2009 11:19 am

I decided to do a shift from my usually serious stories. I'm not that good at comedy but maybe you guys will like it.

Sentinel: Storm Spirit, Treant Protector, Centaur, Rexxar, Enigma

Scourge: Warlock, Lion, Barathrum, Dazzle, Batrider, Invoker

In the Scourge base, a great ritual was occurring...

Warlock: STORM-
Storm: Thy Bidding?
Warlock: No, I didn’t mean you. Oh, by the way, the sentinel base is that way
Warlock points to a sign that says: Sentinels Camp – 500 m ahead
Storm goes electric ball and blasts himself further away from the Sentinel Base.

Storm: A new buddy! Can I call you-

Storm has been killed by Roshan.
Roshan has scored First Blood!

Warlock: Anyway, before I was interrupted… STORM, EARTH AND FIRE, HEED MY-
Lion: The Ancient Evil survives!
Warlock: …

Lion has been killed by his teammate!

Warlock: Hopefully, there won’t be anymore interruptions…
He looks left and right as if crossing the street then continues his ritual.
Warlock: STORM, EARTH AND FIRE-
Invoker: I came up with a new spell, have a look!
Warlock: WTF? You aren’t even in this match!
Invoker: Oh… right. So does that mean you don’t wanna see my new spell?
Warlock: You ever get hit by lightning where the sun don’t shine?
Invoker: Actually, it happened when I was 15; I was messing around with my Wex orb and then-
Lion: The Ancient Evil survives!
Warlock: How did you respawn so fast?!
Lion: Like I said, The Ancient Evil surv-
Lion was suddenly carried off by Storm while he was an electric ball and then they were brought to a faraway place where noobs aren’t supposed to go.

Storm: Buddy!

Storm has been killed by Roshan.

Lion: Oh fu-

Lion has been killed by Roshan.
Roshan has scored a double kill!
Roshan is on a Killing Spree!

Warlock: Wait, Roshan can’t have a streak, can he?
Roshan: Apparently, I can.

Warlock has been totally H3xX0r3d by Roshan!
Roshan is Dominating!

Invoker: Wait, how did that happen? Has someone been smoking Bara’s peace pipe?
Bara: ehe, ehe, ehe. How can the friggin pipe be anywhere else when I’m smokin’ it right now! Really good stuff, man… I am one with the earth!
Bara then collapses and “becomes one” with the earth.
Ivoker: Has he always been like this?
Dazzle: Ey mon, the betta question, iz gotta be, “Why you still here mon?”
Invoker: Actually, there’s a very good reason for that… It’s because-
Batrider: Syaddap and git outta here, mon. You messin’ our groove.
Dazzle: Ya mon, and get that girl hair cut or someting.
Invoker: *sniff* *sniff* Fine! I’m out of here you meanies!

Invoker has left the game

Batrider: Ey mon, if I be right, dat was-
Dazzle: Gay, ya mon, dat was really gay.
Batrider: I wasn’t gonna say-
Dazzle: INVOKA IS GAY!
Batrider: Ya, you would know, having a ghey Dazzle-ing name, mon.
Dazzle: Ya callin’ me gay mon?
Batrider: Nah, mon; you ghey, not gay.
Dazzle: I still think ya callin’ me gay, mon!
Batrider: Well, if ya say so, mon; den you gay!
Dazzle: O, daz it, you gettin’ it good dis time around.
Bara: I dreamed of this!
Warlock: Will you all shut up! I’m trying to finish a ritual here!
Batrider, Bara: Fine
Dazzle: You gay, mon.
Warlock: Whatever… STORM, EARTH AND FIRE, HEED MY CALL!
Warlock gets struck by a huge bolt of lightning and is fried to a crisp.

Warlock has killed himself!

Batrider: That’s about as fried as you can get, mon.
Barathrum: Fried chicken!
Dazzle: Gay chicken!
Lion: I have returned!

The Sentinels strategized as the Scourge beat themselves up… this is, if the Sentinels would ever be able to start doing so...

Centaur: durrr… (Oh boy, favorite axe… I sharpen it and use it and treasure it and I call it George.)
Treant: creaaak (Great, another day with these guys)
Enigma: …
Rexxar: Now that we’ve all gathered, let’s begin the meeting. Storm is too unreliable so we can always start without him

Speaking of Storm…

Storm: Excuse me, would you happen to know where the Sentinel Base would be?
Pikachu: Pika-pika! Pikachu!
Storm: What was that? I didn’t really understand what you-
Pikachu: I SAID IT’S 2000 MILES WEST OF HERE YOU DUMBASS! I mean, uhh, pika-pika!
Storm: 2000 miles west. Got it, thanks, Charizard!
Storm then goes lightning ball and ends up…

Storm: You know, we should really stop meeting like this.

Storm has been owned by Roshan for the third time!
Roshan has a Mega Kill!
Roshan is OWNING!

Back at the Sentinel Base…
Rexxar: What are you all doing?
Centaur: … (What they sell in shop… ooh, big axe need wood)
Centaur glances at Treant then back at the recipe, then back at Treant and finally pulls out his axe.
Treant: … (Tangos are a menace to all of Tree-kind! Down with the Tangos! Wait, why is that idiot glancing here with his axe… oh crap!)
Centaur then chases down Treant in an attempt to get some wood for the Battle Fury.
Treant: !!! (I am not a source of lumber you bumbling horse-man!)

Centaur was about to cut down Treant when it grabbed the axe from Centaur in defense and decapitated him.

Centaur has been killed by George his teammate!

Enigma: …
Rexxar: What the heck am I to do with these guys?

Now, the Scourge was finally preparing to move out…

Warlock: Ok, did you all remember to travel light?
Batrider: I brought my pack bat today to carry my lighter, my smokes, my ropes and my napalm
Lion: I brought my survival guide and my staff.
Bara: All I need is my lantern and my peace pipe.
Warlock: That’s good; we’re traveling light. Wait, where’s Dazzle?
Dazzle: I bring PANDAMONIUM, mon!
Warlock: Have you been smoking the Peace Pipe again?
Dazzle: If Jon has 4 apples in one hand, and 3 apples in the other, what’s he got, mon?
Warlock: 7?
Dazzle: No, mon, he’s got really big hands!
Warlock: Dazzle! Snap out of it! Where’s your stuff?
Dazzle: Oh, it’s back at the tree.
Warlock: Holy- What the heck did you pack? I told you to travel light and bring the necessities only!
Dazzle: Ya mon, I brought MY peace pipe.
Warlock: No chance in hell that that’s just a peace pipe. Let me see it… 10 kg of marijuana, 2 kg of crack, 1 liter of rat poison, a peace pipe and what’s this?
Dazzle: Dat be mah 1542 Limited Editon Arthas Record!
Warlock: So I’m assuming you brought the music player with you?
Dazzle: Das right, mon! I brought my jukebox! Smart huh?
Warlock: We’re going into battle and all you wanna do is get high and listen to music?
Dazzle: Don’t all trolls do that?
Batrider: Ya mon! Great feelin’ like ya flyin’ high da sky. Das da life, mon.
Warlock: Why are you two on this team again?
RzfX: Because I’m the writer! I made them go with you!
Warlock: Sad

RzfX: Now, move out, everyone wants to see some action now! And you might want to ditch the drugs, Dazlle.
Dazlle: Ya typo changed ma name mon!

Is the grass greener on the other side?

Centaur: gurrr… (Tree chop me with George…)
Treant: creaaaak (Evil Tangos… They gave one to Chuck Norris and he freaking ate me... I thought I’d never respawn!)
Enigma: … ( YOU SHALL ALL RETURN TO THE VOID! )
Storm: Ok, now that I finally found my way back, let’s move!
Rexxar: Fine, let’s move.

The three others nod and run off in different directions.

Rexxar: This is hopeless… Come on Storm.

The two marched to the middle lane. Centaur went to the bottom lane, Enigma lurked around in the foggy areas and Treant went hiding within the trees on the top lane.

Warlock: They’ll be expecting us in the lanes so let’s use the forest to get in their base unnoticed.
Bara: But isn’t that against the regulations of this battle?
Warlock: That’s because you’ve only had bar fights in pubs where they spew out a lot of crap just because they suck ass at fighting.
Batrider: Ya mon! We’ve burned down a lotta towns before mon and we did it when no one be there!
Bara: Alright. Wait, Lion, what are you doing on the ground?
Lion: Listening for footprints.
Warlock: You idiot; you can’t hear footprints!
Lion: Fingerprints then, whatever.
Warlock does a facepalm then Lion gestures for them to shut up.
Lion (whispering): Something’s coming mon! Be ready to jump ‘em!
Batrider (whispering): Das a really weak imitation, mon.
Lion: NOW!
They jump out of the trees to surprise…
Dazlle: Sup?
Warlock: You really are in idiot, Lion.
Suddenly, two white eyes flash out from the darkness and a dark figure approaches them.
Bara, Batrider and Dazlle: IT’S A GHOST! RUN, RUN, RUN!
Warlock: That’s no ghost, it’s Enigma. Oh wait, that’s worse than a ghost!

Enigma has pwned Warlock’s head for 200 gold.

Lion: Oops, wasn’t looking there, sorry.
Lion then approaches Enigma and taps it on the shoulder.

Lion has pwned Enigma’s head for 250 gold.

Lion: Oh, come on! I just wanted to talk!

Bara: Well, Lion got one of ‘em
Batrider: But Enigma got Warlock too.
Dazlle: Who cares? He’s gay, mon.
Bara: wait, do you guys hear that?
The three look behind them.
All 3: Oh fu-

Bara has been killed by Roshan
Roshan is Unstoppable!
Roshan is OWNING!

Batrider has been killed by Roshan
Roshan is Wicked Sick!
Roshan scored a Double Kill!
Roshan is OWNING!

Dazlle has been killed by Roshan
Roshan has a Monster Kill!
Roshan has scored a TRIPLE KILL!
Roshan is OWNING!

Lion: Great, now they gave away our position. Well, now that I think of it, Enigma gave away our position a long time a-
Lion was interrupted by a slight shock of lightning followed by an axe that decapitated him.

Rexxar has pwned Lion’s head for 250 gold! Assists: Storm

Rexxar: Well done. Now, let’s go to their base and kill the Lich King before they respawn!
Storm: I’ll take the shortcut!
Rexxar: Wait, don’t!

Storm has been killed by Roshan
Roshan is GODLIKE!
Roshan is OWNING!

Rexxar: What an idiot, but there’s no time to lose!

Treant has been killed by his teammate!

Centaur: Durrh! (Where my wood?)
Rexxar: What are you doing, Centaur? Come on! Let’s go destroy them now!
Centaur: … (no wood...)
Rexxar: If you do, I’ll get you some wood, now come on!
Centaur then gallops off by himself into the Scourge base.

Rexxar: Wait up!!!

The Scourge pwned Centaur’s head! 200 gold is split.

Rexxar: I’m surrounded by idiots.
Roshan: I know, right?
Rexxar: !!!

Rexxar has been killed by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

A few minutes later…

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel Mid 1)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel Mid 2)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel Mid 3)

Enigma: … (defend tower… using TP scroll…)

Enigma has been evaporated by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel Top 1)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel Top 2)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel Top 3)

Storm: I don’t know why I’ll bother but here goes my lightning ball!

Storm has been shorted out by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel Bot 1)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel Bot 2)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel Bot 3)

Treant: creeeak (maybe this will work!)
Treant teleports to the bottom lane and tries to gouge out Roshan’s eyes with his branches.

Treant has been turned into a campfire by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel World Tree 1)

Centaur: Durh! (For my wood!)

Centaur has been turned into a wooden rocking horse by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Sentinel World Tree 2)

Rexxar: I won’t let it end!

Rexxar had his vocal chords ripped out by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!
Rexxar can longer talk to the beasts!

Roshan has destroyed the World Tree!

Scourge: Does this mean that we win?

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Mid 1)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Mid 2)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Mid 3)

Warlock: Come on infernal!

Warlock has been fried with his own infernal thanks to Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Top 1)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Top 2)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Top 3)

Bara: I am one with the Earth so I might be able to convince Roshan to stop!

Bara: Greetings friend!

Bara’s “peace pipe” has been snapped by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Bot 1)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Bot 2)
Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Bot 3)

Batrider: I’ll burn this guy up, mon!

Batrider and his bat have been smoked by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Lich King 1)

Dazlle: I kill this gay rock, mon!

Dazlle was ignored and accidentally stepped on by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

Roshan has destroyed a tower. (Scourge Lich King 2)

Lion: The Ancient Evil Survives!
Lion proceeds to tap Roshan and he is able to do so nicely but it had no effect on Roshan.

Lion’s finger has been broken by Roshan!
Roshan is BEYOND GODLIKE! Someone kill him!
Roshan is OWNING!

Roshan has killed the Lich King!

All: Wait, so what happens now?

Roshan has won the game!
Roshan is now known as RzfX!
RzfX is out of his mind!

The Narrator has been killed by me!

I WIN, YOU LOSE!

END!
_________________

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One Really Messed-up DotA Game

One Really Messed-up DotA Game

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