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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 2:58 pm

Yes, but, you see, Lord of the Rings, and Harry Potter are placed in realities quite different than eachother, and the common world, and they have their own jargon and common phrases - that in itself is different then what you are doing.
The thing you are writing is post-apocalyptic I presume, and is thus much closer to our world, and the common people. The protagonist is meant to be a normal guy as I can see, but with that vocabulary, that just fails, cause 99% of normal people don't use those kind of words.
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Atheist I Don't Believe In God, and proud if it.

Clockwork - you thought it was over? You were, oh so wrong....

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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 3:06 pm

I Think I can see both sides in this, yes I understand the style point. but this is what I think Gunslinger is trying to get at.

When I first opened the post and started reading I closed it after about the first paragraph and moved on. Because it was on a higher level than I felt like reading at the time.

It would be like trying to read Jane Austen compared to David Eddings.

I find Eddings an easy to read (by that I mean not too cerebral, as in I dont have to concentrate hard to keep up with whats going on)

Where as Austen I have to really think about who is who and what this word means and who it relates to.

Does that help?

(Is that what your trying to say gunslinger?)

Hope I didnt muddy the waters more

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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 3:15 pm

I am not referring to the jargon, but rather the vocabulary used. Think Stephenie Meyer (euww) vs Steven Erikson. I understand your point but I feel that you must be able to see mine as well. I mean if some author wrote from a first-person perspective about a teenager attending high school, but wrote it aimed at your older generation, he would not be writing using the vocabulary of your average 16 year-old. He would only use it when he writes the direct speech.

Do you feel that the issue with the strong words would be cleared if this was not written from a first-person point of view?
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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 3:48 pm

give me a dictionary and i'll read it.
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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:02 pm




www.m-w.com

XD[/quote]

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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:03 pm

I think anthdx summed it all up
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Atheist I Don't Believe In God, and proud if it.

Clockwork - you thought it was over? You were, oh so wrong....

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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:06 pm




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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:08 pm

Controversial fan-fic?
oos....
So much debate!
Must read controversial work..
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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 4:16 pm



I understand what those words mean, and I thought most of the others do. But as you can see, most people do not understand them.
_________________
Atheist I Don't Believe In God, and proud if it.

Clockwork - you thought it was over? You were, oh so wrong....

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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:27 pm

Well I guess the 'most people' you are referring to are probably not big readers either.
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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 5:59 pm

Hey why so stuck-up, the two of you? Its a good read and thats all that matters in the end..
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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:41 pm

Its just friendly debate. I just don't feel that you cannot criticize writing because you don't understand the words. Is it a bad piece because you don't understand it? It might be a good piece if you have a better vocabulary.
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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 6:45 pm

Oh oh gunslinger, seeing as you appear to be the only one here who really seems to be able to argue his point concerning writing, do you mind reading my first attempt at a reflective open-style poem?
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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 7:08 pm

Sure, why the hell not. Although I'm not good with poetry.

But anyway, you should make your writing accessible to a greater amount of readers nonetheless. That's why using such words can be overbearing - not everyone will enjoy the read when they see such words. They can make you sound pretentious as a writer.

Anyway, if you have time, read my writers block entry and tell me what you think. Just click my sig.
_________________
Atheist I Don't Believe In God, and proud if it.

Clockwork - you thought it was over? You were, oh so wrong....

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Posted on Mon Nov 02, 2009 7:24 pm

Don't worry guy I am horrible with it as well.

Anyways since we are so offtopic already, I guess I'll just post it here.

+++

He dreams
--

To be seen but not judged, but not fall victim to prejudice
To be incapable of pretense
To speak his mind; with his mind, for his mind, and occasionally, against his mind
With clarity
To be heard and considered, or, he'd rather wish all who were listening to be deaf

To listen
To understand what is said
To amend, compliment and comment on what he understands
To see through the abyss, through the dark tunnel
That is narrow-mindedness

To have faith
Undoubtable
True, convincing, and independent faith
To be blessed
Enough to both receive and give.

To see all of this world, in all of its colours and all of its scenery
Oblivious to all incompetence and human behaviour
To unravel the mysteries of this world and then
To create more than he has solved
More compelling, intriguing mysteries

To see his poetry being read
To hear it voiced
To be permitted to acknowledge their understanding of it
To sing his songs - perform them, and
To read the joy it brings on the faces of his audience

To crush negativity down to its simplest form
Doubt
And then to transform that doubt into certainty
Which in its turn gives birth to
Positivity

To take initiative when opportunities arise
To rebel against that which is wrong
To fight for that which is right
And never have to be asked to justify his actions
For they must be of such sorts that they justify themselves.

To have been born a normal, average child
And then to pass away having been extra-ordinary and independent
To hear the eulogy written for him, to read it
To weep to this dirge
To mourn along with its small audience

Such are the dreams of this man
A man: illiterate, dumbfounded, deaf, blind
And possibly insane

--

Shoot.

Sorry I only had time to read through the first chapter. The ending is really intriguing. Just one or two immediate things that caught my eye. One is that I feel you overuse the "-" symbol to interrupt thoughts. For a reader, once he notices this, it can be fairly annoying . Another thing is where I come in with my verb theory, the scene you described where he searches for the button for the door, I think could be much more gripping and intense, by simple using words like fumbling, or where he tries to open the door, describing something like how his jammed his fingers onto the handle, his knuckles white, just gives it a much more tense feel. Otherwise it seems good. I am just really jealous of you that you are able to find the motivation to sit down and write. I cannot conjure that up
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