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Joke;s Ive found

Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 3:43 pm

Dopey And the Pope

The Seven Dwarfs are visiting the Vatican and because they are "The Seven Dwarfs," they get ushered in to see the Pope. Dopey leads the pack.

The Pope says, "Dopey, my son, what can I do for you?" Dopey replies, "Your Excellency, are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?"

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the peculiar question, and replies, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome."

Hearing this, a few of the dwarfs start to giggle. Dopey turns around and gives them a glare, which silences them.

He then turns back to face the Pope and asks, "Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?"

The Pope, puzzled even more, thinks for a moment and then replies, "No Dopey, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe."

This time all the other dwarfs burst into laughter. Again, Dopey turns around and silences them with an angry glare.

He turns back to face the Pope and asks, "Mr. Pope, are there ANY dwarf nuns in the entire world?"

"I'm sorry, my son," replies the Pope, "there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world."

All the other dwarfs immediately collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding on the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks as they begin chanting:-

"Dopey screwed a penguin! Dopey screwed a penguin!"
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Little black bag

Schwartz walks into a theatrical agent's office, and he's carrying a little black bag.

The agent says, "Well, let's see your act."

Schwartz reaches into the black bag and takes out a hammer and a few walnuts. He puts the walnuts on his head and smashes them with the hammer.

He says to the agent, "Well, what do you think?"

The agent says, "That's your act?"

Schwartz says, "Yep."

The agent asks, "What else have you got in the black bag?"

Schwartz replies, "Aspirin."

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Tigger

Why was Tigger looking in the toilet?

He was looking for Pooh

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Three little piggies

The Three Little Pigs are out for dinner one night and the waiter is taking their drink order.

"I'd like a Pepsi," says the first little piggie.
"I'd like a Ginger Ale," says the second little piggie.
"I'd like water, lots and lots of water," says the third little piggie.

The waiter brings them their drinks and takes their orders for dinner.

"I'd like a nice big steak," says the first little piggie.
"I'd like the chicken salad," says the second little piggie.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," says the third little piggie.

The waiter brings them their dinners and returns later to see if they would like dessert.

"I want an ice cream sundae," says the first little piggie.
"I want a Root Beer float," says the second little piggie.
"I want water, lots and lots of water," the third little piggie exclaims.

"Pardon me for asking," the waiter says, "but why have you only ordered water?"

"Well, someone has to go 'Wee, wee, wee, all the way home!'" replies the third little piggie.

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Poor Mr Spielberg

Steven Spielberg was filming his latest movie deep in the heart of the Amazon rain forest. The costs involved in transporting the multitude of movie making equipment to the site were immense. On top of that, he had a cast of thousands to feed and clothe. It was his most expensive production yet and he sank his entire personal fortune into the project.

The biggest expense was building an exact replica of an Ancient city in the middle of the jungle. No expense was spared to make the city authentic.

The climax of the movie was to be the complete destruction of the city in a dramatic fire. Since Spielberg planned to actually burn the city to the ground, there was only one chance to film it. He set up four cameras:

"Camera one, I want you up in the helicopter to get an overhead shot of the whole scene."

"Yes, boss."

"Camera two, I want you at the edge of the clearing for a medium range shot."

"Yes, boss."

"Camera three, we've built a special fireproof hut in the center of the city. You can poke the camera through a hole in the side and get a close up view from the heart of the fire."

"OK, boss."

"Camera four, I need you at the top of that hill over there to get a long range shot."

"Gotcha, boss."

Once the cameras and actors were all in place, Spielberg himself lit the match to start the fire. It was an amazing sight. The fire raged and roared for over an hour as the entire multi-million dollar set was completely destroyed and reduced to a smoking pile of ash.

Spielberg radioed the helicopter, "Camera one, how did it go?"

"Sorry, boss, but the smoke was so thick I couldn't see a thing. Then the smoke got into the engine of the chopper and we were forced to land. I wasn't able to get anything."

"Darn it! Well, I guess I can just use the footage from the other three cameras," Spielberg thought to himself.

"Camera two, how did it go?"

"Sorry, boss, but the downdraft from the chopper blades fanned the flames and started the bush all around us on fire. We had to run to safety and the camera was burned to a crisp."

"Arghh! I guess I'll have to make do with two cameras."

"Camera three, please tell me you got the shot."

"Sorry, boss. The fireproof hut worked fine, but the lens of the camera couldn't take the heat and it melted. I didn't manage to get anything."

"I can't believe this!" cried Spielberg. "Thank God I sent that last camera up on the hill. The smoke didn't blow that way, nor was their any brush fire or heat to worry about."

He walks towards the hill, cups his hands to his mouth and hollers ...

"CAMERA FOUR!!!"

A moment later, the cameraman yells back ...

"READY WHEN YOU ARE, BOSS!"

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Snow white

Why did Snow White get thrown out of Storyland?
.
.
.
She got caught sitting on Pinocchio's face, shouting "Lie to me! Lie to me!"

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Bank Loan

A frog enters a bank and walks up to an accountant. The accountant's name is Patricia Whack.

The frog says, "Patty Whack, I would like to get a loan."

"What's your name?" she asks.

"You don't know my name? Everyone else does. I'm Froggy Jagger, son of Mick Jagger from the Rolling Stones," the frog replies.

"Do you have any proof?" she inquires.

The frog reaches into his pocket and takes out some valuable and beautiful china. "What is that?" asks the accountant.

"Go and ask your manager," says the frog.

So, Patricia goes to her manager, shows him the china, and asks, "What is this?"

The manager says, "It's a knick knack, Patty Whack, give the frog a loan, his old man is a Rolling Stone.

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Last One folks Enjoy------------------------------------------
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The Drummer

A musical director was encountering a lot of problems with one drummer. He talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance failed to improve.

Finally, before the entire orchestra, the director said, "When a musician cannot handle his instrument and doesn't improve when help is given, they take away the instrument, give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."

At that, a whisper was heard from the percussion section, "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

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How'd i do? pls vote so if ya like em i can go find a bunch on the net... Sry folks only the drummer and the little black bag are mine (Ty's @ NCbuyjokes.com)


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"Maddness? THIS! IS! DOTA!" -kicks-
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Ps3 is moar addicting than dota!!!! sorry folks

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Posted: Fri Sep 28, 2007 7:18 pm

nice!! hehehe!!! good job!!
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Posted: Sat Sep 29, 2007 1:41 pm

Haha! Yeah, nice! I like the Steven Spielberg part! Haha! LOL!
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DotA rulez!

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Posted: Sun Sep 30, 2007 6:21 pm

Yeah,great jokes!Where did you find 'em?
O_o

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Posted: Tue Oct 02, 2007 1:31 pm

The Snow White joke was so.....perverted =.="(if you dont understand, then too bad coz im not explaining).
The Dopey joke was also perverted =.="(Same here)
The Spielberg joke was the best
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Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2007 7:03 pm

I jus googled it ill find more later...

GOOGLE FTW
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UsWest Acc: 13sD_CapnCrunch

"Maddness? THIS! IS! DOTA!" -kicks-
-Ghost
Ps3 is moar addicting than dota!!!! sorry folks

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Posted: Fri Oct 05, 2007 2:14 am

Nice jokes dude! I like em!
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Posted: Mon Oct 08, 2007 1:59 pm

nice jokes, man..
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† The Ultimate Peacemaker †

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Posted: Mon Nov 19, 2007 7:28 am

Thumbs Up!
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Hail To The Lord Of Avernus!

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