Very funny jokes

Very funny jokes

Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 2:42 pm

I bet i can make you laugh with all these jokes!

1. the more i learn, d more i get to know
the more i know, d more i forget
the more i forget, d less i know
So why should i be learning?

2. a woman complained to her doctor that all parts of her body are in pain. She touched her leg and screamed. She touched her head and she screamed louder. Then the doctor said," It seems that your finger is the problem."

3.This is an actual job application!

NAME: you will know

DESIRED POSITION : Reclining. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY : $185,000 a year plus stock options a. If that's not possible make an offer and we can haggle.

EDUCATION : Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.

SALARY : Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

WORKING HOURS : Any.

PREFERRED HOURS : 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, good at playing games.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR? : I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.


DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: You will see

4.person A : Lets have a bet! You ask me a question, n if i cant answer it, you will get $500 000 but if i can answer the question u ll pay me $50 000. Interested?
B: Ok. Deal. What animal has four legs four eyes and four hairs?
A: I dunno. Ok here is your $500 000. What is the answer by the way?
b: (give out $50 000) I myself dunno either.

5.Have you done two of the most important things today?
1. Pray, so that you may live
2. Take a bath, so that others may live too!

6.Prayer for today:
Dear Lord,

So far today, I am ok.

I have not gossiped, or lost my temper.
I have not been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or self-indulgent.
I have not whined, complained, cursed, or eaten any chocolate.
I have charged nothing on my credit card.


But I will be getting out of bed in a minute, and I think that I will really need your help then.

7.Lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address:

A couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of tight schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left first and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife coming the next day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email.

Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a woman had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The woman decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My loving wife

Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.

P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!

8.A father passing by his son's bedroom was astonished to see the bed nicely made up and everything neat and tidy.

Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the pillow. It was addressed, "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:

Dear Dad,

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to avoid a scene with you and Mom.

I've been finding real passion with Joan and she is so nice. I knew you would not approve of her because of all her piercings, tattoos, her tight motorcycle clothes and because she is so much older than I am but it's not only the passion, Dad, she's pregnant.

Joan says that we are going to be very happy. She owns a trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood, enough for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many more children.

Joan has opened my eyes to the fact that marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be growing it and trading it with the other people in the commune for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want.

In the meantime, we'll pray that science will find a cure for AIDS so Joan can get better; she sure deserves it!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Someday, I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your grandchildren.

Your son, Chad

P.S. Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at Tommy's house. I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than the report card that's in my desk drawer.

I love you! Call when it is safe for me to come home!



So... Did you enjoy them?

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Posted: Sun Dec 09, 2007 9:38 pm

I didn't laugh.. I just smiled on the last part
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 10:11 am

"..." NiCe jOkE!!"..." bUt i DiN'T lAuGh I jUsT SmIleD!!"..."
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Posted: Mon Dec 10, 2007 2:44 pm

hahahkz! lols i like joke no.4

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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 9:02 am

haha, i lik Jokes 2,4 & 8 gd job man XD

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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 9:26 am

waheheheh!!!! i like 4,6 and 8


nice!!!!give some other jokes!!good

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Posted: Tue Dec 11, 2007 2:28 pm

i smiled as i read some of them, but i got a good laugh when i looked and saw Saiyuki_Hakusho's avi, then looked down below him at Megget's idk, guess im just that much of a nerd to notice that.

-JFX
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Posted: Tue Dec 18, 2007 6:17 am

Yea ... LoL, just noticed that saiyuki n megget were set on fire.
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" Nice Devil and Evil Devil always share a common named Devil "

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Posted: Wed Dec 19, 2007 2:23 pm

grrR..wats with emo kids nowadays

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Posted: Thu Dec 20, 2007 10:41 am

Son: Mom, my sunday school teacher told me that angels live in heaven and i know that it not true
Mom: Why is that my sweet little angel?
Son: Cos if angels live in heaven , why am i here on earth?!

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Posted: Wed Dec 26, 2007 3:39 pm

Hehe nice jokes!!You put so much effort into typing them.But honestly i didnt laugh thtat much...
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"at end of every tunnel there's a light...just hope it not a train"

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