Should i Continue this fanfic?

No ending time set.
No, it sucks seriously. 7% [ 1 ]


Yes! Definitely! 92% [ 12 ]

The Tale of the Lone Assassin

Posted on Wed Mar 11, 2009 9:16 am

The Tale of the Lone Assassin

Alright guys, this is my first DotA Fanfic, i'm very nervous and my work might have some flaws in it but i'll do my best not to screw up so here goes!

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The Sentinel Tavern, in it's usual mood and environment, was full of laughter, discussions and drinking all around, everyone was jolly, especially Mangix, who happily serves the people in the tavern with his cheap yet delicious, kick-packing ale, everyone, except for a mysterious and yet emotionless face of a mid-aged drainei in the corners of the tavern.


wearing a black, long cloak and on it's back carried two extremely intimidating blades, striking fear onto the one's who dare challenge this mysterious but seemingly calm being, Mangix noticed him not having a drink when everyone was having fun and drinking the night away.


"Care for a Mug of My Famous Ale Calm One? You seem to not enjoy anyone's company here" Mangix Tells the Drainei in a Peaceful Manner, "at least have some of my ale, it's on the house" the Drainei replied in a strange, deep, and slow voice, "Thank you for the generous offer, but i have more important matters to worry instead of drinking."


Mangix replied with a brief giggle "Hmmm are you sure? i most certainly assure you, you will not regret this offer, just have a taste." the drainei looked up to Mangix, "Ohhh, so you are..."
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Well? is it decent enough to be continued? or should i just stop?. feedback please, so i can think of continuing it or not.
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Posted on Wed Mar 11, 2009 9:27 am

Kinda interesting but you may want to lengthen it a little it's quite short...

It does not have any spice because of it's shortness....

It strikes in some way but still it's short...

Great intro btw...

You must continue and let us see all your talents!

=)
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Posted on Wed Mar 11, 2009 9:32 am

not bad... kinda cool... continue it... ^_^
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Posted on Wed Mar 11, 2009 9:00 pm

To all that liked it, thank you so much! it motivated me enough to make the next chapter, so here goes.

The Tale of the Lone Assassin

Chapter 2

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"So, you are the infamous bounty hunter." Mangix utters cheerfully, hoping to get to the good side of the bounty hunter that was known as Gondar, Mangix sits down beside the silent drainei, "i have heard interesting tales about you and your journey across the lands." He tells Gondar.


"I'm pretty sure you have been bathing in gold these past few days for slaying The Phantom Assassin of the scourge eh? sometimes i wonder where you got your skills, for there is little or nothing known about you." Mangix Tells Gondar in Rapid Succession. and quickly after Mangix uttered those words, Gondar Hastily Replied, "I do not mean to be rude to you nor anyone but, my personal life is for me to mingle alone, so i suggest you do the same" Mangix, seeing the drainei's reaction, quickly rose from his seat and apologized, "I did not intend to provoke you calm one, i shall now leave you if that is what you wish."


Mangix Returned to attend to other incoming customers, boggled by the mysterious gondar, he thought "Hmmm, what could he be worried about? i guess a bounty hunter like him always has something in mind." a few minutes later, Gondar suddenly Walked out of the tavern, Disappearing into the darkness.


The Morning Sun rises slowly, shining bright and seem to watch over the lush, green landscapes of Azeroth, and a particular character travelling to the east, gondar, who seems eager to get to his destination, is travelling with a mysterious entity beside him, later in their journey to the east, they encounter Bandits, humans to be precise, these bandits arrogantly laughed and started talking to the two.


"Well well well, ya two betta give me yar loads, if ya two still wanna live" says the leader of the bandits, Gondar Replies in a Maddened state, "Give me one reason why i shouldn't cut your puny little heads and shove them all down your throat?!" Hearing the reply of gondar, the angry raiders rushed to the two "How dare you take like that to us you arrogant little fool! Prepare to meet your maker!"


Just before they can make their death strike on gondar and his mysterious ally, to the surprise of the bandits, the two simply vanished into thin air, like ghosts that surprised the humans, they could not believe their eyes, one of them murmurs in fear, "Boss, i think we messed up with the wrong people, i'm too young to die boss!" "Silence! i'm sure those pesky lil' cowards are already runnin' like headless chickens back to where they came from." rants the leader.


Then, from out of nowhere, they hear a blade slicing through flesh with such ferocity that blood splattered all over the bandits backs, one of the raiders shouted in excrutiating pain, "Blaaaarrrrghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!" to the horror of the bandits, on of their allies is horribly torn into two, exposing it's insides in a gritty fashion, the bandits can only look in disbelief, "he---lp huell--p m--mm--me-ee, b--bbbb--osss heu---." utters the helpless man, desparately wanting help, but a few seconds later, death got the best of the shattered being.


"Anymore that wants to meet the same fate as this pathetic man?" tells gondar to the terrified bandits, and just when gondar was about to attack the others, his ally spoke, "Thats Enough! I am sure that they are terrified as hell, look at their leader, he can't even do anything, i think it's best if we just go on ahead, besides, we have a long journey ahead of us."


The two walked quitely, moving onto the east where they originally were heading, the bandtis were dumbfounded, it seems that they lost their minds to the gruesome horror and merciless show of power of the assassins.

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i hope you enjoyed the first and second chapters! to all that do enjoy my work, thank you for reading! watch out for more! chapter 3 is on the horizon.
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Posted on Thu Mar 12, 2009 6:49 am

Interesting story, I suggest you concentrate more on the details. Many grammar errors you need to attend to.

Oh and @ your sig, it's 'Learnt' not 'learned'
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Posted on Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:00 am

its good, but it has no plot. i suggest u use forshadowing to make it better.
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Posted on Thu Mar 12, 2009 7:14 am

good one ^_^

@ lukeiskul
lol 1% done
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Posted on Thu Mar 12, 2009 8:32 am

i agree with Dark_3. go continue it dude
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Posted on Sat Mar 14, 2009 12:55 am

I like it, but agree with the others. Foreshadowing would do wonders to suspense. Like if while gondar was at the tavern someone came in with some news that was bad and whispered it to Mangix. Gondar saw mangix expression and immediately got up and left. Would be better (what was so bad, what was gondar going to do about it, how was gondar expecting it, etc). Anyway im not a real writer so i wont say more.. but i will make a fan fic one day.
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Posted on Sat Mar 14, 2009 1:13 am

Continue
@Others. Too many fanfics that go like this: As the early morning sun rose on the lush green valley where the lingering hunter set his cat in the wild, the giant Tree Of Life suddenly had a splintering sound and the lush dwarve threw his sword at the thieves of the old, splintering tree of life, Meanwhile..." ect.
SIMPLE FANFIC FTW.
Now hurry up and make the third chap
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Posted on Tue Mar 17, 2009 8:58 pm

lol Blayde

@author

well everyone has a different perspective so write how u want to but take note of the suggestions people make.

and nice fan fic! good stuff haha, keep writing
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Posted on Tue Jul 21, 2009 11:11 am

please continue it looks cool

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