The dead archer's tale(Clintz story)

The dead archer's tale(Clintz story)

Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 11:54 am

Chapter 1:A new face in town

In the great dark forests of the once full of life Mount Hyjal lives an elf,not an normal elf,an elf corupted by power,corupted by the legion an dark and evil elf.Clintz is the name of this dark elf,the legends say that he killed his comarads for an promise of power offered by the legion.Now after the defeat of the deamonlord Archimonde the world knows peace,at least for now.The promises of power offered where forgoten,but he was not.Now he kills for an living,he is an assasin,cold blooded and no remorse for his crimes.He has an lonely life only seeking some sort of fun in killing,but there is no chalange for him,not here.The small encampement of Kvatch is his home,an place full of men like him,cold blooded assasins,but he is the best of them,no one dares to chalange him for contracts or land or anything.
One day an new assasin comes to Kvatch seeking an home probably or an contract
-More fresh meat -says Clintz- probably as worthless as the rest.
The new face comes to the local inn,speaks with the inn master something related with finding new recruits.Curious Clintz steps in and listens to the convesation
-My names's Layana and I'm looking for some recruits to an new legion of assasins
-Well most of the scum here already have there contracts and they like the payment so you can leave if you dont have something better to offer -sayes the inn master-
-Hmmmm...they get payed well you say,how well if I may ask
-Its regular payment for most of them and thats 1000 gold per contract and 500 gold pieces if they fulfill some conditions
-That's all? -Layana starts laughting- I'm surprised they can live as assasins with that gold.But wait...you sayed that most of all get that money,what about the rest
-Well thats my buisness and don't try to threat me,the assasins will kill you instantly,after all I'm the one that pays them
-I don't do threats... -Layana places in the pocket of the inn master an small sac full of gold- but I think that 5000 gold dose the trick
-Indeed it dose,the only one payed better is Clintz,never seen an better wielder of the bow,hes payed 6000 to 10000 gold per kill,he gets the big contracts no one dares to face him
-And where can I find this Clintz of yours?
The inn master points his eyes at Clintz
-Aha thank you

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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 11:55 am

Is it good? should i continue with the story or dose is suck and i should let it go?

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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:14 pm

it's good but there's some errors but u should elaborate more on his past, and not skip to the main plot straight away, least that's what i think >_>

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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 12:22 pm

Elaborate more..more feelings are needed too. Also, making paragraphs are easier on the eyes.
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Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 5:36 am

And u tend to write u r a as an. Better correct ur habit. The story will develop better if u collect ur thought before writing and not just go with the flow. BTW i dont know if u did it intentionally or unintentionally but it is Clinkz and Lanaya. Well carry on.
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Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 8:27 am

Chapter 2:A offer you should refuse

Layana aproaches Clintz
-I hear you are an good wielder of the bow
-So what if I am?Do you wish to test how good my arows pierce?
-Oh no,no,no I'm not here to chalange you,but to make you an offer...
-Hmmm...let me think about it...NO!I'm not interested about youre offers Templar!
At the sound of the word Templar the hole inn was staring at Layana,everybody ready to draw the weaponds.
-So you are not as worthless as the rest of the scumbags here,I'm impresed that you saw my identity...well i don't whant to make an blood bath here so il take my leave,but we shall meet again archer for you have not heared my offer and its an offer that you should refuse but I'm shure you will not
-I've made my mind Templar,there is nothing u have that I need,of that I am shure
-I can fulfill the promis made to you long ago...
Layana walks out the door as the rest of the assasins pursue the templar outside but only to find the inn guard dead an nothing more...
-Why did u let the Templar go!!! -shouts the inn master-
-If you shout at me again I will put an arrow in that nice round head of yours...I don't need any trouble with the Templars
-But you know how much there worth! and you could easely kill that Layana
-True,but I'm curious about that offer...
-I don't think 'a offer you should refuse' is better than 10000 gold...
-That's what you think
The days pased,the contracts keept coming and the kiling keept on,but Clintz whanted to hear that offer of the Templar...

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Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 8:30 am

Chapter 3:The Templars

The Templars where an guild of powerful assasins,at the origins they where corupt high elfs,much like Clintz,that whanted only power.In time they fromed an secret guild hidden within Sunwell,the capital of the high elfs,that whent my the name of The Black Elven Hand.When Arthas,Ner'zul's champion declared war to the high elfs times where desperate and as cowards they where the Black Elven Hand members fled the Isle of Quel'Danas and whent into Azeroth.In short time they felt depleted,like something esential was missing.Not knowing what happened the lider of the Black Hand send an scout in the Sunwell.There he found only death and destruction.Seeking survivors he found Kael'thas and the rest of the high elfs witch now caled themselves Sin'dorei(Blood elfs).The scout found out that the Sunwell gave the high elfs magic,magic that they depended on and now there was no magic source to feed them.The Black Elven Hand sought new magic sources for there hunger,but without much succses.The need for magic was not the only problem of the Black Hand,there was an money problem and an place they can call home.The only way that they could make money was doing what they do best,killing.So The Black Elven Hand now was an assasing guild,fierce mages and rogues.Many knowed of there need for magic and many tryed to give them magic items to keep their lives but they did not need an item,they needed an source of magic so they can feed.
As time pased the hunger started to grow biger and biger and members of the guild began to die.The deaths and suffering keept on until one human came to the Black Elven Hand encampment and shouted
-I'm here for youre services!!
-And what courage you have human! to come here and demand our service! if you dont have anything good to offer prepare to die!! -sayed one of the assasins-
-Oh I offer you more that you can pay me...I offer you an magic source to calm your hunger!
-That's imposible human!
-Is it....
-Well then come,speak to our leader,human
The human looked like an mage but had an strange aura on him
-How is this?! why did you brought him to me? -sayed the leader-
-This human sayes that he has an magic source for us
-Is this true human? can you realy calm our pain? if not then die for youre insolance!
-Oh,great leader I do have the answer to youre pain! I have the answer to youre hunger!
-Where? where is this magic you speak of human?
-All in time,first i need youre services
-Ah...but of course the human greed...very well human,tell me who needs an knife in the back?
-Not that kind of services,I need the Sin'dorei blood,I need some of youre kin to follow me in my quest...
-And what quest might that be?
-I seek the book of Necronomicon
-Very well human three of my elite will come with you,now where is this magic source you speak of?
-Head far south where the Dark Portal lies,it will calm youre hunger
So the Black Elven Hand headed south to find the Dark Portal and in time they did found it.They made forts there and theire need for magic was no more.Now the elves had magic,money and an home...thing where looking good,but not for long...
The bigest contract the guild had was to kill the son of the human king.The job was very riski but the reward was more gold then years since the universe exists and the legendary blade Crysalis so the guild accepted the contract.The best of the best whent on this mission.Spyes spend months to learn the schedule of the boy and what he likes to do.Finaly the time when the kid played at the lake was chosen for the kill.An small group was chosen for this task,no atention needed to be attracted.3 men where chosen:the leader of the guild witch was an master of the bow,the best mage of the guild and the biggest tank of the guild.The strategy was to distract and kill,job for the tank and mage,the guards witch had to be 3 or 4 wile the archer took out the boy from an distance.But not eveything gose as planed,10 guards and an arch-mage where guarding the boy.The leader stroke the arch-mage with an silanceing arrow,the mage flamestriked 3 of the guards,the tank rushed at the arch-mage an with one powerfull blow he killed him.One of the guards killed the elven mage and with an berzerking call the tank raised his axe and claved 2 guards killing them.With his great aiming the leader used 2 arrow at the same time and killed 2 more guards.The other guards took an defensive position,knowing they are in danger.The tank rushed into the 3 guards but the shield wall was to big and the tank joust bounced off and was stabed the next second.The leader of the assasins had to swiftly kill the guards and go for the boy.He used an smoke bomb and covered the guards in smoke confusing them,after he aimed at the boy and with an frost arrow he hited the boy in the head but the arrow whent throw him.The boy then dissapeared and only water remained,an piece of armored water raised from the lake and the next thing the leader knew was an wave coming right at him.The force of the wave dismembered the Black Elven Hand Leader.The blow was terible to the guild,this ruined the integrity of the guild,people started to fight for leadership and high bountys where put on there heads.The surviving elves took refuge in the temple of grief where they hold up against the siege of humans,orcs,taurens and undead for 1 year and so got the name of The Templars.
Now only an few still live and they are still hunted.

So gose the story of The Templars as it is writen in the history.

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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 1:53 pm

WEll....frankly speaking, ur grammar sucks. To point out a few mistakes, it is sure, not shure and its ClinKz not ClinTz. Apart from that....no descriptions amkes the reader alienasted. He deosent seem to part of the story and u say the story as though it were an essay or smthng. More description. The basic plot is good but apart from that....nothing else. I dont meean to discourage you, but the truth must be said and it woul;d help u to go to some grammar classes. It bored ppl to read bad grammar u know.
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Posted: Sat Aug 16, 2008 2:08 pm

try this
type your story in Microsoft Word first. Then spellcheck it.
then read it. then edit it. then read it again, then edit it some more.

This story has a lot of potential to be good, but right now so many things make me just want to skim it. Try making dialogue a little more clear. Use more accurate GRAMMAR AND SPELLING. elaborate more on key points. don't use run-on sentences. format it better (add a new paragraph where necessary, use spacing to your advantage). try to sit down and think about what you will write about and plan it out. maybe even a ROUGH DRAFT (gasp!).

This may be DS and not your English class, but the readers here have high expectations all the same. If you want us to like your story, you have to MAKE us like it.... =P

Keep trying!
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Dirge guide 4% finished.

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Posted: Sun Aug 17, 2008 11:35 am

well put, migrees. And i think i should foloow up on ur comments....ven tho i type my story in ms word....i dont think bout what i am writing. :O its all spontaeneous. I am vbery unpatient u see
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