Fan Fiction        Page 1 of 2        Goto page 1, 2  Next

The ultimate hunger chapter one/ Dark Rebirth

DotaStrategy.com Forum Index > Fan Fiction > The ultimate hunger chapter one/ Dark Rebirth

Reply to topic
 Goto page 1, 2  Next

great_pimps


Dominating Posts: 191 Joined: 14 Feb 2008 80 gold

The ultimate hunger chapter one/ Dark Rebirth

Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:28 pm

Chapter one im not sure i did this right but eh.....
here i go

Rebirth

Once a man hanging from a tree outside lordaeron
was visited by a dark dream....

"I am the lich king , Nerzhul and when you tried to steal Arthas' ring you were caught and hung..... I visit you in a dream but now.. you are my servant and your body will reform itself as you venture towards my encampent in lordaeron Scholomace.NOW GO!"


Naix felt huge surges in his flesh as he walked unable to stop unable to feel were he was going unable to feel.....
He knew that the lich king was his master now and he would fight plenty of enemies for him......

Naix moved into the wild with his minds eye watching him, he was losing flesh by the moment. It just falls off as he walks.

The new monster being formed had enlarged arms and body yet small legs but it soon started moving on all fours like a beast......

"Ahhhh i see that you have been walking in the right direction but you dont know were you are going. I will let you control your body Naix but.... you will feel... hunger as though you have never felt before."

Naix now had control over his body and crawled towards Scolomace but felt hungers that were too powerful to resist
Naix now moved as though he had enhanced


Naix felt as his senses were enhanced to super human levels and somehow felt good the night was cold but he couldnt feel it he was dominated by the lich king now.

"Naix as you know i have brought you back for unknown reasons and as of that i want you to slay a lone dark elf ranger wandering in the woods outside lordaeron NOW."

Naix rumbled on and on but smelled the air and caught the elfs scent like a blood hound he ran on all fours to catch up the the woman. He wanted her, she smelled of fruit and the fabled drow people that Naix only claimed to see.
He wanted her blood.

------------------------------------------------------------

CHAPTER 2 Ambushed


the drow walking around her campsite about to lead her warriors into lordaeron to kill the human betrayer arthas before he became a problem in the world.

"miss traxex you are needed in the great tent for your feast." the elf known as sven was extremely strong even for an night elf he claimed to speak to god but traxex thought it a load of rubbish. "Well Sven let us go my archers are destined to get a shot soon." Traxex didnt lie she wanted blood of the corrupted one and even though he wasnt corrupted yet he would be it was forsaw by the preistess that Traxex worked for.

Nice people the night elves thought Traxex as she watched them drink there blessed water. "The world will change the blessed water will run out if the Scourge has its way." said Sven as he moved towards Traxex. "Sven why do you think that we are here the sentinel must be mad too send both of us to one little humans castle."

"TRAXEX THE HUMAN......." said an elf running into the great tent. "catch your breath sister." Sven said comforting her. After a few moments she spoke. "Traxex the human has murdered his own father claiming that he would take care of the kingdom. Everything is in a comotion everyone is robbing and stealing it will be very hard to kill this human."

----------------------------------------------------------
chapter 3 The hunt

Traxex moved ever quickly but with the utmost grace she had her bow strung and the archers had there hoods up concealing there faces and traxex ordered the assualt on the city gates
as they were open for hundreds of people were leaving the city to hope for safe passage to Azeroth.

"Traxex the archers are in place we are awaiting your orders miss." said an archer next to her. She had thirty archers and they were spread wide 2 on each balcony on the street and they were picking off the humans as they squabled towards the gates. "You will order them to meet on the street in a few immediatly we will have to charge are way in."

-------------------------------------------------------------

Sven had his halberd in his left hand and his blessed hammer in the other smashing skulls with it as he provided a blockade for the archers to pick off, inside his heart he loved Traxex but she knew that he was a rogue and would never yield to the Night Elves order, if not for the scourge being such a threat he would never have done this.

"URAHH!" Sven roared as he threw his hammer at a city guard knocking him down maybe for good. Sven walked towards the side of the street for a whole blockade of gaurds was walking down the street pushing out the villagers trying to get some order going on. He was covered in the darkness as the gaurds were being picked off one bye one.


"HEY GET OVER HERE YOU HUMAN SLIME!!" Sven yelled as he walked out into the street as the humans passed him. Traxex and the archers were still firing at them as they slowly marched over to Sven. He quickly grabbed his hammer and threw it at a support beam nearby knocking down a shop crushing three guards killing them instantly. The guards noticing they were in a losing fight charged up the balconys to murder the archers that were firing at them. Sven ran under a stairway and swung his halberd at the bottom of it as hard as he could slicing it open collapsing it, the archers were held up by a support beam attached to the building and praised him for his help.

Sven now saw that it was him against about ten guards and he prayed aloud to his god. " Master loan me your strength for I will pay it back in the blood of the unholy." He said as he chopped threw shields and flesh until nothing was left except him on the empty street.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Traxex watched as Sven murdered the remaining guards without a care, it broke her heart as he mutilated them with his serrated weapon she didnt let it show though. " alright the human should still be here and hopefully we get him before he has help from his guards." Traxex said as her archers regrouped in the street.

"Hey what are you doing here this is no place for you." said a giant demon with wings and savage claws. "Who are you demon?" asked one of the archers intentively as she notched an arrow along with the rest of them. " I am Balanar High Brother to the Nathrezim and you shall pay for your incompotence." Said the demon with a grin as he raised his hands knocking sven and Traxex into a fitful slumber and the archers threw them into a building for safety as they fired arrows at the demon as it rose it's wings blocking the many arrows it's claws glowed once more this time calling a more powerful spell to the world, he opened a portal in his hands unleashing a huge amount of death and disease right at the elves they were massacred and there bodies devoured by the plague leaving no remains.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Chapter 4 Escaped

Naix still walked having complete control over his body now lurched over his spine warped when he was hung, the giant claws he had were razor sharp he learned by slashing open a deer that he crept up on. He no longer felt the need to cook his food and felt the life seep out of the wound as it coursed through his body repairing any damage but still retaining the ghoulish look.

"Now now Naix i have a little job for you now, and if you do this I will grant you more gold than you will ever imagine." said the voice of the lich king. "Very well i want it all i want all the gold in the world give it to me where is it i need it right now WHERE IS IT HIDING!!" The ghouls thoughts raved inside his skull echoing as he used his excellent speed to carry out the hunt.


"Alright Naix it's about time I inform you of what you will be doing, there is a human he goes by Arthas Menethil and he is my .. champion as you could say and you will be defending him but do not let him see you ... not yet not until he meets one of the burning legions agents then he will serve me.

------------------------------------------------------------

Three months later in the burning embers of Lordaeron


"This is not to bad is it Traxex." said naix as he grinned at the dead corpse on the ground as he slashed open the elf's tender flesh and her blood poured all over the ground. It was rather new to him as he never even heard her name but when he bit into her flesh he absorbed her memories and saw the elven plans and he knew that the lich king was watching them as well. "There there naix don't eat to much your mind will collapse and your powers will fail but good job Arthas is on his way to me and you have shown me the night elven plans and i cannot believe that they are going to strike at my base in lordaeron." The Lich Kings voice boomed inside his head and he watched as hundreds of the undead ghouls marched through the rubble.

Naix wanted more of the elf and ate more of her delicous insides as the memorys flashed inside his mind of a hulking night elf that proved to be a great warrior from what he saw the perfect meal but was afraid of the weapon he wielded Justice they called it.

"NAIX TAKE A BOAT TO KALIMDOR YOU WILL FIGHT THE ELVES HEAD ON WITH MY FORCES THERE YOU WILL OBEY!" The Lich King


------------------------------------------------------------
OMFG I HATE MY PARENTS
_________________
[img]http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/3706/gppurplenaixeatob0.gif[/img]


Last edited by great_pimps on Tue Jul 01, 2008 11:09 pm; edited 3 times in total


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private message


Back to top
 

sigokil


Godlike Posts: 1027 Joined: 27 Jun 2007 26 gold

Posted: Wed Mar 19, 2008 11:42 pm

Nice one dude. Continue it ok.
_________________
Kodiwolf's howl!!


Can you see the light??


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private messageVisit poster's website


Back to top
 

great_pimps


Dominating Posts: 191 Joined: 14 Feb 2008 80 gold

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 8:01 pm

ok plz say if you want me to edit spots because i need positive criticism and neg lol because its what i need for my book.
_________________
[img]http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/3706/gppurplenaixeatob0.gif[/img]


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private message


Back to top
 

dohyun99


Chambermaid Posts: 1980 Joined: 21 Aug 2007 21723 gold

Posted: Thu Mar 27, 2008 9:35 pm

Besides a few grammer type problems, it's pretty good Smile

Keep it up and don't EVER be discouraged! We're all backing you up so don't worry too much if there are any slight misfortunes.

Cool
_________________
here for now, but little dota time

Clan ZOMP and assorted replays: http://www.dotastrategy.com/forum/ftopic14236.html

HUGE thanks to Reaper_Hybrid for this amazingly epic sig!




Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private messageVisit poster's website


Back to top
 

Amplirage


General Imperium
Chambermaid Posts: 1381 Joined: 05 Feb 2007 33854 gold

Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:04 pm

This is actually quite good..

For a bit of constructive criticism:
-just add a bit more feeling.
-make the chapters a little longer and don't rush through them.

Good luck and never give up
_________________


Author of The Brothers Trilogy
Featured Guide of the Month Organizer


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private messageMSN Messenger


Back to top
 

VampirePrince


First Blood Posts: 33 Joined: 27 Jan 2007 904 gold

Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 12:39 pm

Fantastic dude i actually got caught up ready it, thats pretty gud cuz i have a short attention span. Keep up the gud work man and im 14 to
_________________
Life with no risks and danger is a life not worth living -_- peace and armageddon


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private messageSend e-mailVisit poster's website


Back to top
 

great_pimps


Dominating Posts: 191 Joined: 14 Feb 2008 80 gold

Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 10:35 pm

thx i just trying to make a good story from the begining of arthas' takeover going to the world tree battle like dota eh?
_________________
[img]http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/3706/gppurplenaixeatob0.gif[/img]


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private message


Back to top
 

nicholasni


Monster Kill Posts: 272 Joined: 29 Mar 2008 9614 gold

Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 10:50 pm

never thought i would read the whole thing

very good story, PLZ CONTINUE Very Happy
_________________
"Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do..."
Garena: Drunken_Sailor

Need [TINY]sig. Plz PM me for more details. ill pay you with text,gold and more if you want Very Happy


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private messageSend e-mailMSN Messenger


Back to top
 

Bishounen2k8


Warnings : 1 Godlike Posts: 1742 Joined: 08 Jan 2008 48915 gold

Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 11:37 pm

Interesting . . .

nice work . .
_________________


click the image above and join exclusive.highforum.net now and get DS shields for free!

CLAN KcS Play with us in GArena, members who wants a friendly dota game in GArena add me up [kcs]chikita and those smart asses let's see what your really made of eh?


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private messageYahoo Messenger


Back to top
 

Tfarcraw


Dominating Posts: 107 Joined: 08 Jul 2007 3009 gold

Posted: Tue Jul 01, 2008 11:58 pm

i m loving it!!
_________________
is it noobish 2 play with noobs with juz the touchpad? zzzzzz...


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private message


Back to top
 

Death20


Monster Kill Posts: 207 Joined: 30 Dec 2007 5271 gold

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 12:43 am

Hrm... The dialouge seems a bit... forced. I would suggest using a bit of slang and/or contractions.

Good story, just polish up how it's presented.
_________________
Death is fleeting and life is temporary. Only undeath is eternal.


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private messageVisit poster's website


Back to top
 

great_pimps


Dominating Posts: 191 Joined: 14 Feb 2008 80 gold

Posted: Wed Jul 02, 2008 5:23 pm

bleh ok
_________________
[img]http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/3706/gppurplenaixeatob0.gif[/img]


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private message


Back to top
 

great_pimps


Dominating Posts: 191 Joined: 14 Feb 2008 80 gold

Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:08 pm

omg i my cuzin started writing on my acc here lol she gave naix a really gaay line Smile
_________________
[img]http://img366.imageshack.us/img366/3706/gppurplenaixeatob0.gif[/img]


Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private message


Back to top
 

shazzam66


Warnings : 1 Innocence Proves Nothing
Godlike Posts: 1465 Joined: 09 Jul 2007 31884 gold

Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 4:49 pm

very nice

bit about sven wasnt bad

=]
_________________



Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private message


Back to top
 

xFoKuSx


Killing Spree Posts: 62 Joined: 24 Jan 2008 1836 gold

Posted: Sun Jul 06, 2008 5:11 pm

More
More
More
Very Happy

Reply with quoteView user's profileSend private message


Back to top
 
 
Reply to topic
Page 1 of 2    Goto page 1, 2  Next



View previous topic   View next topic
All times are GMT

Display posts from previous:    

You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot vote in polls in this forum
You cannot attach files in this forum
You can download files in this forum


Jump to:  


DotaStrategy.com Forum Index    .    Fan Fiction
Subscribe to Feed