Ryo - Chapter 1 - Dream of Pain

Ryo - Chapter 1 - Dream of Pain

Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 8:36 am

There, he lay dead on the battlefield. His eight brothers sacrificed themselves due to the mighty swordsman's death.

~

Yuerno woke with fear and pain in his mind. It was dawn and the sunlight was striking slowly on Mancaster village.
"It was just a dream" Yuerno sighed with releif as he rose up from his bed. His headache was becoming more intense for some reason. He grabbed his blade and walked out into the road. Through the alley he could hear the awaking of neighbors as he walked. The Grellish tiles (Grell is the race of Yuerno) were swarmed around the road in patterns. He had finally reached his destination at the camp. Around the camp were many trees, great for training and ambush. The camp was inhabited by tents and fires to keep visitors welcome. Today, he was not. Yuerno had the call-up a few days ago and was sent to battle for the Grell. He sat on a willow stump, waiting impatiently for his general to awaken. Suddenly, a loud horn was blasting through the forest of Illidor. Before he knew it, his general and crew were in formation.
"Good morning everyone, my name is General Hamon. This is Sergeant Lewis and this is my newest comrade, our cooker, Gilly." The general said in a polite way.
Everyone was surprised.
"By the looks of all you young faces, you thought that the army was a bad thing? Not with me it's not. Anyways, I will be your general for the next year, the sergeant is specially trained and will be your personal trainer. Lastly, Gilly will be cooking for us in the long trips we will take, defeating the Satyr." Many Grell were happy to see that they didn't get the shouting torture the other recruitment group got on the left. Yuerno stood up and listened closer, he was observing the three smiles on their faces, but there was something about Gilly.
"You are now about to take your first training course, please, follow sergeant Lewis." Hamon turned ninety degrees left and supposedly went to the headquarters. The sergeant took us to the right and downhill the green abbyss. Up ahead, Yuerno could see the grassy hills over yonder.

After a day of skillfully slicing trees in half, dodging blades, running up and down the mossy hillside and crawling through the high fields of grass, Yuerno set his blade in the shack and went to sleep. All he thought today was about the dream he had in the morning.

Each day of struggle, of waking up with a headache, journeying through the alleys of Mancaster village, greeting the general and training in the meadow and forest, Yuerno has seemed to spot something. Gilly's grin, it was evil.

He took his blade and sliced the tree in half with a striking blow. He was sweating and finished with his work.
"Very good, you finished twice faster than any other Grell I have taught." General Hamon commented.
"Thank you, very much.." Yuerno replied.
"In fact, because it is friday, we can finish earlier today!"
Everyone cheered and praised Yuerno. As walking uphill, an exhausted Grell came jumping at the team.
"I... am.... a, messenger from... the force... In the capitol." he said, catching his breath.
"Why are you here?" Hamon asked. After catching his breath, he was ready to speak again.
"The Satyr have learned how to unlock our Grellish barricades, they are swarming through the peninsula right now. There is no where to escape except by boat! I have come here to recruit some soldiers who are willing to fight for the force. Are you willing to accept my offer?" The messenger said.
"We accept in honor..." The general replied.
Everyone's face saddened, except for Gilly's face.
It grinned.


_____________________________________________________________
More to come:
Ryo - Chapter 2 - The ambush
Ryo - Chapter 3 - The magical city
Ryo - Chapter 4 - What is Ryo?
Ryo - Chapter 5 - Journey through the NightLands
Ryo - Chapter 6 - Death of Grellan
Ryo - Chapter 7 - The Prophecy of the Juggernaut

See ya later.
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"You get what you give"

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Posted: Sun Feb 10, 2008 11:39 am

It's really good especially if it's your first piece. Only things I can say negatively are that it looks as if you got the whole thing planned out and yet I see no signs of themes developing. It also has a cheesy feel (which stories usually lose after the author has two or three stories under their belt).
Oh and this is the only story I've read on dotastrategy (though i haven't read them all) that's got foreboding in it :P (though not much).
Oh yeah and your character introduction ain't so great.
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The people we have lost...and the dreams that have faded...never forget them...
FF-X

I merely use needlessly extensive vocabulary to enhance the meaning of my pointless words, nothing more...

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Posted: Mon Jul 14, 2008 7:22 am

i like waited a year for this to finish the story. I hate when they dont finish a story (especially bout jugg )
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