Fukkatsu! Completed ( 5 chaps)

Fukkatsu! Completed ( 5 chaps)

Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:20 pm

Hey guys! Just did a little introduction of a new story i just thought of. If u think it's worth continuing or is not, tell me!


Fukkatsu Chapter 1!!!

The sun was shining, when arrows, spears and daggers were mixed up in the air. There was another bloody clash, in the world of Azeroth. The specters dashed into the forces of Sentinel and quickly disposed them. Suddenly, out of nowhere, an arrow pierces through a vurnable specter creature. Other specters are alert, a tiger leaps down from the cliffs above and lands onto one of the specters, there was a female archer on it. They through bizarre daggers towards the archer, but they were dodged. The specters hadn’t noticed, that a shadowy night elf warden was behind them. The archer on the tiger grinned, in a blink of an eye, the warden had struck half of them down. The specters started to flee in horror, now already huge packs of the Sentinel were chasing them. 2 trolls jumped into the way of the specters, they had nowhere to run. One of the trolls shackled the leader specter when the Sentinels forces brutally killed them. When they were going for the leader, he had already disappeared.
“God damnit! One of them got away. ” said a troll with burning spear.
“Doesn’t really matter, Huskar. ” said the troll pack leader Rhasta.
Finally the elves had caught up. There they stood, the night elves pack leader Mirana Nightshade, the one on the black tiger was Luna Moonfang, shadowy elf was Mortred and Alleria, the scout archer. This one elite group of the sentinel, the other one was the trolls.
The leader was Rhasta the mysterious shadow hunter, a bloodthirsty troll called Huskar and Vol’Jin the Witch Doctor.
“Look who finally got here! Night elves! Gotten a bit slow without Shendelzare, huh? ” yelled Huskar.
“How dare you speak of our sister who has fallen. Why don’t you go play around with your voodoo dolls. ” said Luna.
“Play around with voodoo? Well why don’t you play around with your little moon, elf! ” replied Huskar. They were arguing like little children. Mirana looked up and noticed the specter on the cliffs high above, the specter was observing them, yet when Mirana turned towards the specter, it had disappeared.
Few weeks later, when people of the Sentinel had woken up and a rumor was up, that the trolls were attacked at night. When the people got there, they saw what had happened. The floors and walls were covered with blood, someone even found trolls finger under the bed. From a few hundred trolls, they had gone down to only 3 trolls standing. Rhasta, Huskar and a young troll called Jah’rakal. They were all silent and were waiting for the elves to arrive. Those trolls who had survived, knew what hit them.
Soon, the elite of the night elves arrived.
“Elves! You’ve massacred all of us trolls, now you shall pay! ” yelled Huskar. Mortred laughed at him and then, Huskar took his spear and threw it right at her. She managed to somehow dodge it, but it was too late for her. Huskar had already charged next to her and ferociously cut her throat. The elves were off-guard and as they saw their sisters throat gush out blood, hatred inside them was growing. Arrows were shot through the walls of the troll quarter. Cool-headed Rhasta managed to plant some of his serpent wards just in time, so they could make their escape. They had left the Sentinel and took a lot of bad reputation with them.

The trolls left the Sentinel and went deep into the jungle, and started building their new life. This event damaged the Sentinel, the people were frightened and the forces of the Sentinel had decreased. The night elves had always thought that they're superior to trolls, cause of the power of Elune, but they had yet not seen the voodoo madness. After the trolls had escaped, they searched weeks for tracks, but found nothing, they had vanished. Meanwhile, the Scourge was led by a new tyrant and had already gotten a nickname Dark Terror.
The following story, will be 20 years later of what you just red.
----
Thx for reading!
-Floor.
E1:Before version was RAW from my text file :P Cleaned it up a bit, thanks Gunslinger .
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Last edited by Floor on Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:11 pm; edited 4 times in total

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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 7:53 pm



You could have expanded this part some more. Give more detailed actions and dialogue because it is a plot point in the story and it is very important. Other than that, awesome fanfic. I will keep my eye on this for updates.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:16 pm

Hey thats a nice story, will it continue?
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:20 pm

Its good, but I have a few suggestions




Caught up. Irregular verb.


dissapeared was what you wanted to say I think


More details needed. You just say he cut her throath. Not enough information. Remeber - show, not tell. Say how he leaped towoards her, barely evaded her attack and then swung his spear, cutting Mortreds throath and how her blood smeared his face etc. etc. It makes it more interesting you know?


This just...doesn't sound right. More details needed. Expalin, for example, how Mirana reacted to that, or Luna. What they thought, or felt at that moment. More show less tell.


said back....that isn't realy right. You could have said, Huskar returned the insult, or Huskar reatliated to their insult, or Huskar continued the argument, or something like that...almost anything would sound better than "said back". It just doesn't sound pretty.


Vol'jin and Mortred in the Sentinels - doesn't fit into the story of DotA. But I guess that can pass. Its not realy an error or anything, just an incoherency.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:33 pm

@ above

i think that mortred died in this story and that the witch doctor killed all the trolls that's why they're still there, because it's bedfore the great war
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:37 pm

Thanks, KingV!

Corvus coraX ^ , probably.

TheGunslinger, thanks for helping me out! Yea, now i overlooked it and it had loads of mistakes in it. English isn't my first language, im trying my best! ^^
And ..

That part which u red was 'introduction'. If you read the ending, 'The following story, will be 20 years later of what you just red. '
In my story, first, they were Sentinel, later u'll know how they got to the Scourge.
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Posted: Sun Apr 26, 2009 8:48 pm

Ah, I guessed sometihng like that. But I wasn't sure, so I just thought I'd point it out anyway ^_^
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Posted: Mon Apr 27, 2009 12:04 am

It's interesting, people can get engrossed in it so I wish for it to continue, soon =)
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Thanks alot to dare18 for the awesome sig.

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Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:59 am

awesome.. want more! XD
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Thanks to dare18 for my awesome ava and leejincen for my cute sig

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Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 9:41 pm

good stuff ^^

and yeah, follow the advice of the other people and this fan fic will become epicER
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Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 10:47 pm

Thanks for the feedback guys! I've already managed to figure it out how the story will come out, it will be pretty.. deep
Hf reading.
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Chapter 2-3: Crisis

They were on the run, an ordinary mission for the Night Elf elite squad. As they went further and further away from the forests, they noticed a crater quite nearby. As they took a peek into the crater, they saw black crystal particles aggregating into one shadow. It was the Spectre. Everyone gazed at the Spectre, it didn’t seem to have a steady shape, because it was floating above the ground. The Spectre looked like the ancient night elf guardians, the Wardens. It had a dark helmet and wielded a ring-shaped weapon, similar to the wardens. Everyone just gazed, suddenly it multiplies and hordes of specters attack the squad, it was chaos. Everyone but Mirana Nightshade, were killed. The specters walked slowly towards Mirana, babbling something in their weird language…
Mirana woke up, she was breathing heavily and was in panic.
“Ahh… Again..” she said to herself. For atleast 20 years that bad dream had haunted Mirana, and still almost every night she has this nightmare.
On the next morning, the night elves gathered. Mirana Nightshade, Aiushtha, Luna Moonfang, Alleria and the new talent of the Sentinel called the Templar Assassin, Lanaya. Wasn't long until the word reached the elves, that Scourge was on the move. The squad rushed through the woods, evading the packs of gnolls, wolves and all kinds of troublesome animals you can run into. As they got closer, they saw the trees of Sentinel destroyed by the ghouls and their mysterious leader.
“We'll attack from the woods..” said Mirana. As the enemies came closer and closer, they got a better look at their enemy. It was the tyrant of the Scourge, the Dark Terror. It had a huge mutant hand and wielded an iron club in the other one. A true demon.
They started. Alleria shot her deadly arrow, it pierced through all the trees between, pierced through everything before it had hit the demon. Yet the Dark Terror was unharmed. The Dark Terror has the skill to move in time, control it a bit, some follow him cause they think he's a god. But now, he went back in time so he could dodge the incoming arrow.
“God damnit! ” yelled Alleria , who failed at being an archer .
In a second he time-walked in the center of the pack of the night elves.
“Look what we have here.. The Night Elves! I am the Dark Terror, also known as the Faceless Void. Well, it doesn’t matter, since your not going to survive this. ”
“Pitiful demon..” said Luna and threw a glaive at him, unfortunately The Void successfully deflected the glaive with his club and laughed. Alleria and Mirana started off with shooting the demon with arrows, Luna threw more glaives and Lanaya tried to throw blades at him. It was no good, the time passed slower for him, cause of his unique ability to play with the time. The Elves realized that this is no good, they had to use Elune. The Void laughed maniacally and dashed towards Luna Moonfang, he managed to deal a crucial wound to Luna’s tiger. You could hear the tiger, she moaned as the spiky club went right through her, the tiger was dead. Before the Void charged into Luna, Alleria managed to shackle the Void onto a tree. That gave Luna time to get him, she concentrated her moon energy and channeled it right onto the Void, the moon energy ate the Void’s mutant arm, he was bleeding heavily. He managed to break loose of the shackles and knock Luna unconscious. Aiushtha, who was further away, threw her gigantic spear with all her might. The spear flew through the air and just as it had hit the Dark Terror, something terrible happened. Everything freezed, the Void created a rip in spacetime, as he himself had no effect of the time stop. The time-stop lasted 10 seconds, unfortunately the outcome was horrible. He grabbed his club, jumped on Luna and smashed her head to bloody bits. Next target was Alleria, the demon tore Alleria’s ear off and forced his club through Alleria’s stomach. The time-stop ended. The Elves were shocked, as they saw Luna’s body parts smashed around, almost nothing left of her head. And Alleria, who had Void's club lying in her chest. The Void pulled the club out, blood was erupted as she died in a rather painful way.
Mirana desperately summoned a star fall. Pieces of stars were raining on the Void, each of them pierced his skin. The Elves enjoyed watching blood drip out of the Dark Terror. Lanaya jumped into mid-air and rained a destructive attack of Psi Blades. The Void fell, it had microscopic wounds covering 90% of his body. The Elves had won, or had they? They gasped breath, as they’ve finished fighting in the woods. In such a short time, so much damage had been done.
“Luna! Alleria! ”screamed Aiushtha, trying to heal her fallen sisters with wisps.
“It’s too late.. ” said Lanaya, who shed tears of sorrow.
The elf morally destroyed, their very own sisters were killed by the time-bending demon. The people of the Sentinel grieved the fallen heroes, they left the world as warriors of the Sentinel, whose death was for the sake of the Sentinel. That was what they said on the funeral..
“It’s all good now.. ” said the Priestess of the moon, Mirana and left to her private quarters.


It was a dark quiet night, Mirana couldn’t get sleep, because she was just so confused. She didn't managed to get much rest, because a new danger had already appeared.
She heard a sudden shriek, got out of bed and went out to see what’s going on. As she looked at the gates of the Sentinel, she saw wells being destroyed and people killed by 3 rather familiar figures. Mirana ordered Lanaya and Aiushtha to get out there and fight.
“Are we going to kill them now or take them with us for the rituals? Come on.. Where are they? I want to kill! I need to kill!!” yelled Jah’rakal as he threw an axe through a civilian’s arm. Next to him was Rhasta the shadow hunter who had high level voodoo skills.
“Well.. well.. well.. Who do we have here.. The night elves.. Looks like you’ve not been doing so well. ” taunted Huskar as the elves came close.
Mirana shot an arrow, it flew through the air, but the Troll Warlord, Jah’rakal had deflected it with his throwing axe. Huskar threw his burning spear towards Lanaya, who barely managed to dodge it but still, her cloak caught fire.
“Elves are pathetic.” taunted Rhasta.
Aiushtha prepared for her attack, she flew her mighty spear as the intruders were laughing. As the spear came closer and closer, Huskar just froze. The spear came too fast, it pierced right through Huskar's lung, he was in a shock state. He looked at his comrades and said his last words “Rhas..ta.. Go.. voo..doo.. on them.. and.. Jah’Rakal.. Just lose it on them.. ” and died cause of his terrible wound. Jah’rakal was rampaging, he quickly made his way towards Mirana, as Rhasta shackled her. Suddenly, Jah’Rakal slips on Lanaya’s trap and falls right at his face. That gave Mirana time to break the shackle and she prayed the Elune for her unique ability - star fall. Once again, the stars rained, Jah’Rakal’s skin was burnt pierced in seconds, Lanaya laughed in her face as he suffocated. All of the trolls but Rhasta had died. Rhasta yelled: “Do not underestimate the trolls!! ” and called forth a cone of lightning The lightning struck Aiushtha who died instantly as the electricity went towards her brain, then the lightning chained into Lanaya who also died, in that humble way. Mirana managed to evade the chain of lightning with her ability to leap with the tiger. Mirana leaped next to Rhasta.
“Goodbye, old friend. ” said Mirana as she prayed for the Elune, they stood side to side. Rhasta closed his eyes and accepted his destiny as a star crushed his body. It started raining. The trolls were dead, from the elves, only Mirana Nightshade has survived the world's gruesome attacks.
The rain resembled the emotions Mirana was going through. Everyone who she had loved, her sisters who she had done everything together from the start, were all dead.
She collapsed, fell unconscious in the rain.

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Thx for reading! This story wont be very long!!
-FlooR
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Last edited by Floor on Sun May 03, 2009 9:41 pm; edited 2 times in total

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Posted: Thu Apr 30, 2009 11:03 pm

ncie, although the fights seemed a bit rushed (HUSKAR DIED!!!! NOOOOOOOOO!!!! )

good stuff, hope it is long enough for me to enjoy for a good amount fo time tho
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Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 9:38 pm

Hey, next chapta. Cmon read it! It will get epic!


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Fukkatsu Chapter 3: The Truth.

Mirana had collapsed earlier, the Sentinel was nearly destroyed, they were lucky that the Scourge didn’t have anyone leading them now, or they would be doomed. Mirana was rescued by a mysterious figure.
Mirana woke up, and saw a mysterious figure standing nearby.
“You finally regained consciousness, Mirana. ” he said.
Mirana was confused and asked “Where am I.. Why did you help me? ”
“You are safe, now. You need to rest, then we can get go. ” said the mysterious figure.
“What..? Who are you?! ” yelled the Priestess in confusion.
The figure turned towards Mirana, he was a tall being, definitely not human nor a night elf. His skin was light-blue, had long white hair, a white beard and the face of a tiger. He also had a huge lance in his hands, which had unreadable scripts all over it.

“I am the Phantom Lancer, Azwraith, one of the Three Guardians. ” he said.
“The Three Guardians? Are you something like a god? ” asked Mirana.
“The closest thing to a god, in this world. ” replied Azwraith.
“Sorry, I really don't understand.. Could you clear up for me who are the Three Guardians?” asked again the curious night elf, so he started explaining.

“You want to know about us? Very well, mortal. We were chosen by the Titans themselves, to rule this realm and watch over all of you. In the beginning, we aimed at eternal peace. We managed it pretty well, we were like a god’s hand hovering from above towards peace. But one day, something went wrong. Our strongest Guardian called Mercurial, turned against us. He killed the third Guardian, Darchrow. He really was possessed by evil, he always wanted more and more power. He created crisis, turned creatures against each other and managed to pull off a nasty trick. The night elves were really strong, thanks to their Wells of eternal life and the Elune. Mercurial made the elves overuse their powers, because he knew the outcome. As they overused it, they killed many who used to be their allies, like humanoids. Many elves turned into horrific creatures, humans woke up as undead. The Sentinel and the Scourge were born, I managed to save some lives and started to rebuild the races. Thats when, he created the Scourge, I were forced to create the Sentinel. It was a never-ending fight. ” explained the Phantom Lancer.

“Wow… but how am I related to that anyway? ” enquired the overwhelmed Mirana.

“Patience, night elf, I’ll get there. Well Mercurial wasn’t happy with his progress, so he thought of trying something else. He manged to take a new form of life, a new creature. The specter, he even created armies of specters, his own race! I saw them as a huge threat, so I decided to take them out early. In a century, I managed to wipe out almost all the specters, only a small group of them was left. You, the Sentinel managed to hunt them down, only he managed to escape. Mercurial, the Spectre. He’s extremely weakened now, why I protect you is because he wants you to be his next vessel. That means he’s going to become extremely powerful again. ” said Azwraith.
“I see.. So were going to stop him before he manages to get to me, correct? ” she asked.
“That’s right, but now, rest. ” replied Azwraith and started polishing his lance.


In this world, is the destiny of mankind controlled by some transcendental entity or law? Is it like the hand of God hovering above? At least it is true, that man has no control, even over his own will.

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Thank you for reading! Last quote was from anime called Berserk, just thought it would fit great in here!
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Posted: Sun May 03, 2009 10:55 pm

nice story and it was epic indeed

PL as a god ftw ^^
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http://www.dotastrategy.com/forum/sutra463002.html#463002

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Posted: Mon May 04, 2009 4:14 am

Thanks again, dohyun99!
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