Kakatawa nmn toh!!

Kakatawa nmn toh!!

Posted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 6:02 pm

" Asawa" 1st year masaya.
After 5 years tanggalin ang A "sawa na".
after 10 years tanggalin ang S"awa na lang".
Sa susunod na taon tanggalin mong A "wa na!"

Home version of who wants to be a millionaire:
Husband: dear puede ka ba ngayon?
Wife: di puede pagod ako!
Husband: is that final?
Wife: FINAL!!!!
Husband:ok, can i phone a friend?!?


Pag Americano umutot: EXCUSE ME!
Pag British naman: PARDON ME!
Pag Espanol: EXCUSAR POR QUE UTUTAR!
Pag Pinoy: Di ako yun! Mamatay na ang umutot


Warning: Children playing outside the car can cause accident... and...
Adults playing inside the car can cause CHILDREN!!!!

Loveliness through the years

1950s-Iniirog kita.
1960s-Iniibig kita.
1970s-Minamahal kita.
1980s-I love you.
1990s-! Tara sa kwarto.
2000s-Pwede na rito.


MRS: sa palagay mo, mahal, ilang taon na ako?
MR : kung titignan kita sa buhok 18 ka lang;
kung nakatalikod 16 lang, kung sa kutis 22 lang.
Bale total ay 56 sweetheart.


DUCK DICTIONARY

maliit na duck- "panduck"
tirahan ng maliit na duck- "Pandacan"
mataas na duck- "boonduck"
nagulat na duck- "nasinduck"
photogenic na duck- "kodak"
malaking duck sa Ilocos- "duck-il"
madaldal na duck- "dakdak"
pantakip sa bibig ng madaldal na duck- "duck tape"
manggagamot na duck- "ducktor"
musikero na duck- "conducktor"

ERAP
Erap went to Starbucks...
Erap: isang kape nga!
Waiter: decaf po ba?
Erap: (mad) aba syempre, alangan naman de plato!

Tumatakbo si ERAP galing computer room na
sinusundan ng staff:
"Sir bakit ka tumatakbo?"
Erap: Tatakas ako, sabi kasi ng computer 'press Ctrl then Escape'.


Erap: Pareng Ronnie, akyat ka sa puno, pisilin mo bunga kung hinog na.
FPJ: (umakyat at pinisil ang bunga) Oo pare hinog na.
Erap: sige baba ka na sungkitin natin.

FVR: Erap may gift ako para sa'yo galing pa sa India! It's a 10 ft.snake.
Erap: Ows! Niloloko mo naman ako eh, 10 ft?
Hoy di ako ganon ka tanga! Ang snake walang FEET!

Erap delivering speech at the mental hospital.
Inmates shouting: Mabuhay si ERAP!
PSG seeing one guy not cheering: Bakit di ka sumabay sa kanila?
Guy: Di ako sira ulo. Janitor ako!




Spanish teacher: Class use 'fuera' in a sentence.
Student: Mis maestras son bonitas (my teachers are beautiful).
Teacher: Oh, that's very flattering but where's 'fuera'?
Student: Fuera ka!


PERFECT HEAVEN: Having American salary,British home, German car, Chinese
food, and
Pinoy wife!

PERFECT HELL: Having Korean car! , British wife, German food, American
home and
Pinoy salary!

Mare 1: Naku mare, ang gaganda ng mga anak mo!
Mare 2: Talaga, mare! Hay naku kung asawa ko lang
ang inasahan ko hindi sana mangyayari yan!


NANAY: Bobo ka talaga! 1 to 10 lang di mo kayang
bilangin?

ANAK: Mas bobo si tatay nay, kasi narinig ko
minsan sabi, "tama na inday, hanggang tatlo lang kaya ko."



********************************

Letter to OFW dad:

"Luv, tnx sa padala mo, hapi c nene kasi
tobleron ang baon sa skul. ung nike suot na ni jr. next tym wag ka

na padala NIVEA MILK. di nila type pait daw, ako tloy ang umubos."



********************************

MISTER: ano ang pagkain natin?

MISIS: nasa mesa, bahala ka na pumili!

MISTER: isang pirasong tuyo?ano pagpipilian ko?

M! ISIS: pumili ka kung kakain ka o hindi!



****************************** ***

IDD call from US:



HUSBAND: hon musta ang tindahan?

WIFE: dept store na!

H: ang tuba-an?

W: KTV bar na!

H: and mga trickad?

W: taxi na!

H: ang dalawa kong anak?

W: LIMA na!



*********************************

sweethearts watchin' da sky...



GUY: ano ang horoscope mo?

GIRL: anong huruskup?

GUY: yung bang kapalaran mo, katulad ko, CANCER.

GIRL: ah, sa akin ALMURANAS!



************ *********************

TITSER: who can make a sentence then translate it in tagalog?

PUPIL: my titser is beautiful, isn't she?

TITSER: very good, transl! ate i t in tagalog.

PUPIL: ang guro ko ay maganda, maganda nga ba?



*********************************

DONYA: bilang bagong katulong, tandaan mo na ang almusal dito ay alasais
empuntu!

MAID: walang problema donya. kung tulog pa ako sa oras na yun, mauna na
kayong mag almusal!

*********************************



SAYINGS TO LIVE BY:

1. birds of the same feathers, are the same birds

2. do not do unto others what you can't do

3. an apple a day is not an apple at night

4. when the cat is away the mouse is alone

5. if others can do it, don't help

6. tell me who ur friends are and i'll tell u mine

7. early to bed and early to rise makes you sleepy

In the afternoon

8. ang ilog na tahimik ay malalim, ang ilog na maingay may naglalaba
_________________

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Posted: Sat Aug 25, 2007 3:01 am

this is like, the funniest thing ive never been able to read.

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