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tiberiumlord

Mega Kill Posts: 633 Joined: 06 Jul 2007 15079 gold

Something, something, wars 3: The Revenge of the Scourge

Posted: Tue Aug 26, 2008 4:51 am

Here I start a tale of fear, woe, death, and a guy with 3 balls...

Something, something, wars 3: The Revenge of the Scourge

War has broken out! Yet it is a time of large, boring paragraphs floating through the sky. So ya.

It's been 3 days since the Dota war has begun, though the Scourge has many plans...

President Icefrog has ordered a 1000 megaton airstrike consisted of bird crap, dead butterflies, frozen frogs, and a random breakdancer that always makes things go wrong like this:

but all it has done is made the war worse.

To cap it all off, something, someone with 3 balls has awaken...

*Cue dramatic music*

(Camera floats into space like Star Wars always does at the beginning)

Boush: Hey, point the camera down here! Kk, now that's much better. *Looks at paper* Now where were we? Oh ya, ummm errrr k. So is this the lair of the legendary 3 balls?

???: Grrrr

Boush: Wh-what the hell was that?

???: Who dares take my 3 balls away from me...

Boush: I-I-I do

???: Rrrright. *Gets his 3 balls back* Now I should teach you a lesson on trying to take my 3 balls...

Boush: And what is it?

???: 3 BALLS ATTACK!!!!!!!!

Boush:WAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!

(Dramatic Whiteout)

~The Scourge camp~

Lich King: Finally, now my plan is being put into action... Balanar are you listening?!?!

Balanar: *Lifts head out of toilet* What?

Lich King: Why do you always stick your head into that stupid-ass toilet?

Balanar: Ummm well I've been reading the Twilight series recently...

Lich King: Aaaand?

Balanar: Well the vampires there don't drink anything, just body fluids. They thought that just like drugs, say no to blood, so ummmm they drink the piss out of the toilet.

Lich King: I see... what got you to copy them?

Balanar: Ehehehe...

(Flashback)

Broodmother: Awww mah gawd ah' they feisteh!

Anub'Arak: Come on honey, let's celebrate your 500th spawn!

Broodmother: Ah' think they high, off the mad troll ah' raped.

Anub'Arak: Wait, you're a hermaphrodite?

And I need to be off to sleep so I'll leave off there. Hope you'll enjoy this story!

Broodmother:...don't ask.

Balanar: Hold still, let me make the goddamn delivery!

Broodmother: Fine then.

Anub'arak: Is something wrong?

Balanar: It appears the the egg sac can't open up properly, so we need to administer a C-section.

Anub'arak: Here, my claws and pointy beak can-

Broodmother: Shaddup, Balanar he'ah's a doctah', he knows wha to do.

Balanar: Well it seems that I forgot my tools at home, and I just clipped my nails for the date with Akasha tonight. Errr I think I'm a bit thirsty... meaning...

Anub'arak: What?

Broodmother: I'll close my eyes, I can't bear to watch!

Anub'arak: Neither can I!

Balanar: Okay then guys, close your eyes, when you feel happy to open up, do so!

Broodmother closes here eyes. She feels intensely sharp pain from her spinnerets and finds out...

Broodmother: Whaddahell are ya doing?!?!?!

Balanar: (Teeth stuck in Broodmother's spinnerets) Mmmmphmmmph! *pop* I said I was thirsty! So I gave the C-section with my teeth and got some blood as well!

Anub'arak: Grrrr

Broodmother: Don't worry about him honey -hey look this one's a boy- I have AIDS.

Balanar: WHAT?!?!

Broodmother: I got it from Pudge's toilet seat. Now you can slowly die, better death then being crushed by my husband...

(Back to Earth)

Balanar: So that's why-

Lich King: SILENCE YOU FOOL! Now I can get back to the plan... I sent Boush out to find the three balls of doom.

Balanar: Boush is on our side?

Lich King: Of course, the Sentinel didn't let him use his father's (George W. Bush) Weapons of Mass Destruction because they thought it would cause global warming and start another war. So he defected to our side in secret and serves as a spy.

Balanar: Oooohhhh I see now, but didn't he die in the search for the 3 balls of terror?

Lich King: Yes, but I had a magical tracker on him, and it seems, the 3 balls, are... HERE!

Balanar: In the lake to the southeast? And in sunken ruins too? Nobody will be able to access it but Slardar and Medusa and Leviathan!

Lich King: That's why we need them to raise the ruins... now where the hell are they? Is Harby on watch?

Harby: I'm kinda sorry, I had to umm reform back into statue form cuz Mortred was watching me piss, so I had to morph back to hide from her.

Mortred: It's your fault that you didn't fly into the trees to go piss!

Harby: Well Icefrog kinda modified back in .50, so moving around isn't so easy...

Lich King: I-just-want-to-know-where-those-three-sea-people-ARE!!!

And I have stop here now.
_________________

This guy comes at night to eat your feet.

Last edited by tiberiumlord on Fri Aug 29, 2008 2:56 am; edited 1 time in total

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flameseeker

Mega Kill Posts: 618 Joined: 18 Jun 2007 1498 gold

Posted: Thu Aug 28, 2008 8:34 am

nice story....
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Life is short and bitter. Unlife is looooong and sweet.

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Bleeper Reaper

Monster Kill Posts: 400 Joined: 15 Mar 2008 8547 gold

Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 12:46 am

Ranodmly funny.
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tiberiumlord

Mega Kill Posts: 633 Joined: 06 Jul 2007 15079 gold

Posted: Fri Aug 29, 2008 2:03 am

On this story goes!
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This guy comes at night to eat your feet.

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