Prt 1; meetings & Prt 2; regroup

Prt 1; meetings & Prt 2; regroup

Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 12:09 pm

She took a deep breath of the air whilst it was still free from the stench of blood that would soon plague it. This very field where she stood now was the very same field she spent her youth years ago... now it would be the sight for the battle that would determine the safety of the town beyond the hills... she remembered the day she was told that her father, who was a captain, had been slayn by an ambush of Abominations on their camp. Her mother who was already weakened by her sickness., passed away just days after receiving the news. Rightly after, she went to her grandfather who was a General and said that her years of training with the sword her father had given her, would at best be now put to use.

The first star came out, as the sky started to dramaticaly change into a color of deep crimson. The God's knew, tonight, blood would be shed, and they would be watching. And she would prove herself to them, and most importantly, make her father, who was watching in heaven, proud of her.

A thundering Growl echoed across the empty fields, and beyond the horizon, abnormalities of all shapes and sizes ran with a bloodlust towards them. Hundreds of crows took flight - the sky was an abstract display of red with the flying silhouet of the crows. She closed her eyes and felt her heart thump fast with hate and lust for revenge. She drew her sword, the very same sword her father had used in battle. She was sure he was with her, his strength was in the very blade she held, and she knew, tonight, the blood that would be shed would not be her's.

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Purist looked to the left and saw the fire in the eyes of the new girl, "this would be her first war", he thought.
Her bravery and skill took his notice the very first time he met her. But bravery and skill would not be enough to defeat such an enemy as the scourge, which was seemingly deathless in number. He knew her father, and he knew that he would not want this for his only daughter. But the call of duty of the war was beyond anyone's control, and beyond that her prowess of the sword and her want to fight was invaluable to the cause of the Allied forces. He would look out for her, he decided. He tightened his grip on his hammer, ready to crush more ghoul skulls. It would now be routinary, now that the war had been going on for so long.

"Ready men! stand your ground, we cannot let these filthy creatures get pass the Highbore Hills. If they get pass, the western defenses of Lordaeron will fall. Defend at all cost!"

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"Where is she.?" he aked himself as he slayed his 54th ghoul. He spun on the spot and searched for her amidst the chaos of screams and flying limbs. They were at an advantage, but that was the thing when fighting with the undead, you were never really sure when they would BE dead, all you could do was cut them so much that they could no longer stand up. He was an expert at this, atleast it was not that hard when you're carrying a six foot sword.

He spun again, and a little distance ahead, he caught a glimpse of her red hair. She was alright. He smiled and continued on with the brawl. She was safe and that was what was important. He did not really understand why he cared how she was doing, maybe it was something he picked up from living with the human and the elven encampments. When he was alone in the mountains perfecting his art, there was no one to care for. But now she was etched at the back of his mind., thinking of her safety. It was wierd for the Rogue Knight to feel in such a way.

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That day, the God's had been kind. The night was a night of victory, and not of mourning. The soldiers over at the camp fire were exchanging stories of who did the bloodiest ghoul kill. The Mages made comments on the performance of the wizards at the battle field. Who did the best spells and who did not. Mangix, the Pandaren Warrior who arrived two nights ago proved to be more than an exellent fighter, he was also a fantastic Ale Brewer. Tonight was truly a night of celebration.

Sven, left the bar, annoyed by the overly friendly Pandaren who seemed to be endlessly equipped with thousands of stories of ale mixtures. He walked along the peremeter of the encampment, and found Creena sitting silently under an old tree. She noticed him come closer, but did not make any of it.

"It's been a long day. You should rest, we do not know what tomorrow may bring us. It is better to be prapared." he said
'her eyes are beautiful' he thought.

She did not reply, she continued to gaze to the darkness, to the direction of where the battle had been earlier. An eternity went by when she finally spoke.

"My childhhood was spent on these very plains, long ago as i gazed upon these fields, i was expectant, i was hopeful. When i saw something appear at the distance, i was happy for i was sure that that would be my father returning to me and mother after a long mission for the Kingdom. But now as i gaze on these fields i feel nothing but hate. I don't care what tomorrow brings, all i know is that if it is one of those things that claimed my father, or anything that remotely resembles it. I will kill it with this blade." She said without even looking at Sven, the fire of Anger burning in her eyes.

Sven, slowly turned and walked away, leaving Creena back to her contemplations. When he was at a distance, he heard a stiffled sob. 'She was still a child', he thought... and he would protect her.

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Her silent contemplations were broken by loud screams and explosions that seemed to be coming from the far side of the encampment.

"Men, quick! were under attack!" Purist called to the already sleeping solddiers. "On your feet!"

"How? Where did they come from?" Creena asked him as she rushed to help.

"We've been breached by Abominations and fire-breathing HellHounds. We didn't notice that the night watchmen were killed, This must be the Phantom, Priestess Mirana warned me about. All throughout the coast, men were lost in the night and were always found dead hours later with a deep wound at their back. The Elven healers said that the dagger carried a deadly poison, best be careful. Head on, there are wounded that need your aid. I shall be there quickly, brute force shall not be enough, we need the elves. Our Mages are limited and to call all the way from Kirin Tor would take time we do not have. The elves will get here quicker." Purist said, but before he could react, the moon gleamed brightly for a moment, and there in front of himself and Creena, was the High Priestess Mirana riding her WhiteSaber...

"You need not know how i came to the knowledge that you needed my aid young Prince." The Priestess pronounced
"I believe that the Lich King finds your defenses here rather formidable, he has sent The Phantom to weaken it, be careful... with age of old she was once my sister in the order of Elune, until her betrayal and allegance to the scourge, i know well her cunning and her ability. No one in this camp is capable of defeating her. She is, as i am, one with the shadows-OUT OF THE WAY" she shouted to Creena pointing her crossbow - she only had split second to duck.

In shock, she looked behind her and and saw there spun a great dark figure laughing maliciously, with a broken arrow in its fingers.

"You are fighting a lost cause Priestess Nightshade" Mortred said scathingly "The forces of the scourge are massing, in days time your defenses will fall little prince and another corner of Lordaeron shall fall to the scourge"

Mirana raised her crossbow once again, and aimed it directly between Mortred's eyes.

"Best hurry, more soldiers are dying with seach minute we spend here chatting. I'd love to stay and chat Mirana, but i won't bother since you'd be dead soon."
and before they could do anything else, her body began to blur until only the yellow glow of her evil eyes were left embeded in shadow of the night.

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So this ends here... it just sort of the beginning of the story, all of just a bit of an intro for a lot of substories with the main story being the war...

Thanks so much for reading... i hope you like it.. if you do., i'll try and continue it... ^_^

i'd appreciate comments... ^_^ thnks...

Its good to be back on this site.. ive been dormant for ages now... herhehehe
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Last edited by bau_HARRY on Sat Apr 05, 2008 3:07 pm; edited 4 times in total

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Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 12:36 pm

nice interesting story line, however i'll quote my englsih teacher " writing a introduction is writing like an inverted triangle " go from broad to narrow

may those words of wisdom help u

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Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 12:39 pm

Good character description and expression of feelings. If you keep this up it will be a good fanfic. Even though there are some grammatical mistakes, this story has a smooth read. Good luck on writing the rest of it.
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Finally Finished Kael Guide.

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Posted: Thu Apr 03, 2008 3:59 pm

Damn this was good. Grats man keep writing.
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I ran out of under-used/weird hero's too learn...Halps!

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Posted: Fri Apr 04, 2008 2:19 pm

aw., thanks.. hehe
i think i better change the title and make it seem more interesting.. hahaha
anyway, thanks for reading it, appreciate it a lot.. ^_^
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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 2:37 am

Oh man u and amplirage and razorfane are all way to good. Even i am a good writer but i use mobile phone so cant type.
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Posted: Sat Apr 05, 2008 3:06 pm

Part 2; Regroup

And it was as the phantom had foretold. Their flanks began to fall. Even just as the thing breathed, the grass began to wither and die. The soldiers who breathed the foul green gas that came from its mouth died within hours, those more unlucky to come in contact with the giant serpent, died within minutes.
The death toll doubled when another creature came out of the darkness. It spit a similarly green liquid that, upon contact, dissolved the armourless skin of the soldiers. They writhed in pain, twitching on the floor screaming. Unable to control themselves, horrified by the sight of their very own meat falling from their arms, the soldiers lost their wits and ran to the flames hoping to find refuge in death from the excruciating pain.

“It’s useless to fight… RETREAT! Head for the woods, this camp is lost…”
Purist could not believe himself shouting these very words of defeat. His father entrusted the safety of the city and the western entrance to the kingdom. He could not believe that failure was in front of him, spitting green acid at his men. He felt helpless . . .

“Do not look so troubled young prince. I understand defeat is not something a prince is accustomed to. My soldiers are waiting just beyond the hills, this defense and this fight has not been lost. We shall settle camp there and plan a strategy in the morning, but for now we must go. . .” the priestess raised her hands in the air and the moon began to glow brighter . . . suddenly stars began to fall from the sky, striking the down the abominations and hellhounds, 50 or more of them fell to the ground. . . “Warrior’s of the night assemble!” she proclaimed. The moon gleamed once again and around them both, a hundred Elven archers appeared out of the shadow, arrows flaring and quivers poised. “They shall give you the time and the cover your men need to escape, we’re wasting time here!” She said with a commanding voice, her white saber leapt and the ground began to shudder with the force. Purist began to feel his legs lighten, he felt them stronger. “Call to your men once more, we must make haste!”

----------

“I should have been a farmer like my father wanted . . .” said Davion in jest.
Several hours later, the survivors of the onslaught made fire at a new camp the Priestess’s soldiers had already prepared. The wounded were taken to the Elven healers, but chance of recovery was not promised.
“You’re too good to be left in the fields plowing Davion” said Purist “We shall be safe here, I have no idea with what the Priestess did, but we covered ground in one night when it should have been two days worth of travel. It has been a terrible event and the soldiers need rest, the elves shall stand guard tonight”

----------

Creena laid silently inside her tent, still shaken by the scourge’s assault, a candle flickering beside her. She was lucky; the weird blue skinned warrior, who was talking to her earlier, stayed unusually close and had deliberately flung himself in front of her, saving her from an acid spit from the flying creature. He saved her - he was her hero. She managed weak smile, but with the pains of war, it seemed that her face had slightly forgotten to do so.
She blew out the candle and decided to visit him in the morning, but for now he needed to rest. And so did she.
Unbeknownst to her, a few yards from her tent, Sven sat silently beside a huge log, a tankard in his hand, drinking away the pain from his acid burnt arm. Because of the magick that ran through his blood, he did not succumb much from physical pains. And as it always did, would heal in day’s time. But it didn’t matter because he had saved her, and it was her safety that was important. Sven looked up to the star studded sky. The sea of black velvet embedded with golden specs looked beautiful. Not long after his thoughts wandered from the giant fearsome Viper to the beautiful fierce face of Creena . . . he fell asleep, smiling absentmindedly.

----------

“Last night was a mistake we can never again afford” Purist pronounced to the soldiers before him. He surveyed the brave faces that were, only hours ago, in mortal risk, briefly stopping for a spilt second to take notice of how Creena’s hair had been tied today.
“Men, we are facing an immense difficulty here. The attack last night significantly damaged the stability of our force. Several of our able bodied soldiers have been lost. Almost a half of our supplies are gone, and quite a few of our weapons are damaged beyond repair” he continued . . .

“Aren’t you gonna join in on listening to the Prince’s speech?” Mangix asked Sven, who was alone in a corner, another tankard in his hand. “You seem to really like my ale . . . would you like another? It’s on the house.” he said smiling, gesturing to Sven a large barrel strapped to his side.

“I don’t care of what he says, I was sent here to fight . . . not to listen to some kid babble.” Sven said calmly, though not answering the offer. Though the Pandaren’s ale still tasted remarkably disgusting, it was the only thing that was strong enough to take his mind out of the pain of his wound, which he still denied to the healers. Warrior’s pride? Maybe, Sven being a man of the mountains relied on the ways of nature and did not agree with the smoke and spells of the elves.

----------

Sven’s wounds already cleared up and his skin bore no scars of the burn. Creena noticed this, she still had not thanked him for saving her life, she wanted to, but did not know how to start the conversation.
“Um-” but before she could say another word, a messenger called from behind
“Mr. Sven, sir, uh, the Prince requests your presence” he squeaked, slightly apprehensive with what of the knight was holding a gigantic sword.

----------

“Our first mission, friend! Isn’t this exciting?!” the Pandaren said to his companion who seemed not so thrilled at the idea of raiding a scourge caravan with an overly enthusiastic bear.
“Shshhhh!” Sven hissed, crouching under a bush, firmly holding a small hammer that, from time to time, shot little sparks. Twelve ghouls were just up ahead gathering firewood, five abominations stood guard as four Acolytes came out of a carriage and, from the looks of it, seven undead soldiers.
“We were sent here to retrieve a case inside the carriage. There’s supposed to be an ancient artifact inside it” Sven whispered
“So what are we waiting for?” Yelled the bear loudly
“What the-?!” Sven bellowed.
The ghouls, like bloodthirsty dogs, ran directly to the direction of the sound. Sven braced, preparing for contact, but Mangix leapt forward, with a grin, and faced the ghouls head-on. He was quick, easily dodging slash after slash from the razor sharp claws of the ghouls. He stopped, spun on the spot and slammed his huge barrel to the ground. BOOOM! A loud blast like thunder echoed loudly across the woods. The ghouls, as if in water, floated in mid-air in very awkward positions, bones clearly broken from the strength of the close impact of the bear’s thunder clap. He held his oak staff, and struck the eight semi-floating ghouls around him, severing each of them in two pieces with one hit. Everything happened so quickly that the Acolytes could only stand and watch as the great bear destroyed almost a quarter of their guards within five seconds.
“Quick, their after the case!” the four Acolytes scrambled to get into the carriage, while the Abominations charged towards Mangix.
“A little help, if you wouldn’t mind” said Mangix, a smile still on his face.
‘This blubbery bear seems to be good after all’ Sven thought.
He launched himself under an abomination, rolled and threw the little hammer at the fast accelerating carriage. It made contact. The hammer smashed the left hind wheel of the carriage, completely destroying it. Wood splinters flew in every direction as the carriage skidded out of control and smashed into a tree. The Acolytes inside screamed as the carriage started to fall apart, the roof beginning to collapse. The Abomination and remaining ghouls started to circle around Mangix and Sven, malicious expressions planted on their faces, black blood dripping from their mouths.
For the first time, Sven smiled, clearly influenced by the bear’s rather bright spirit.
“Now this is what I’m here for!” Sven roared, raising his sword preparing to strike.

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So this is the continuation... i don't know if its any good...
I'd like to hear more comments... thnks for reading... ^_^
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Posted: Sun Apr 06, 2008 5:11 am

Oh god why are u writers so modest. U know the story is bloody good and yet u ask. Continue.
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Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 3:44 pm

this is sad, i have a continuation for this but it looks like no one is reading my story...lol, oh well i tried, seems that not that much ppol like it. thnks to those who have read it.
i might try better nxt time. T_T
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Posted: Sun Apr 13, 2008 4:13 pm

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

keep writing! don't get discouraged and buck up! People read your story, they just don't comment and stuff. I've read this awhile ago but i just never commented. Nightlord is right in saying that you writers are so modest. This entire thing is amazing. So continue and don't ever stop writing.

If you stop writing i will personally come and hunt you down until you keep writing. Understand?
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Posted: Sat Apr 26, 2008 4:38 am

harryy!!!
keep writing
its so darn good
publish a book or something
keep writing!!!
gogogogogogogo!
I have faith in you
i will be watching this thread
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Posted: Mon May 12, 2008 10:38 am

It's nice, keep writing it :P just add the next segment considering you've already made it, might as well.

Only criticism i have is that there are too many characters, because of the amount of characters it's kind of lacking characterization. All of the characters speak the same way using the same selection of words, they need to talk as if they're superior or inferior, or with pride and confidence, or humbly and nervously, or rudely and mockingly.
Show us the next piece :P It's good I just only look at the bad stuff, you know what's good. I'm intrigued by the character of Creena.
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I merely use needlessly extensive vocabulary to enhance the meaning of my pointless words, nothing more...

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Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 10:37 am

ah., well.. thanks for all the comments but i won't be continuing this one since i already lost my mojo for this story, the 3rd part is just about half of the previous ones and i cant continue it, and i aslo think its crappy.. hahaha
anywei, i will be posting a new story soon, better than this one i hope., so thank you for the support, and iLL work har for the nexzt story...
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Posted: Wed May 14, 2008 4:44 pm

nice to know that you wont stop writing

good luck on your new story
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Have a question? PM me!

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